I just want to be seen in the back of your car
Monday, 1. December 2008, 12:35:09
Today I would like to borrow the wisdom of Michael Kelly, who has, somewhere on the Internet, a whole page of misery. In particular, I would like to direct the attention of my readers to a piece there entitled something like, 'No Scrubs' by TLC - Is This The Most Evil Song Ever Written?. Though I have been aware of Michael Kelly's Page of Misery for some time, I am afraid that I have, until recently, overlooked this masterpiece, perhaps largely because I had no idea who TLC was or were. I had some idea what TLC was, but only in the kind of world where, for instance, Big Brother is the sinister figurehead of a brutal, totalitarian regime as depicted in George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, and not a television show for people who do not realise they are part of an Orwellian nightmare themselves. Only in the kind of world where, for instance, Frankenstein refers to a misguided professor who assembles a monster from various pieces of charnel grave-loot, and not to the monster thus assembled. In that kind of world, TLC means, I believe, 'Tender Loving Care'. In this world, the world with which I am less conversant, TLC - in the spirit of Orwellian double-think - seems to mean exactly the opposite of that.
Anyway, I read the piece in question, and had the feeling that it was probably the definitive work on the subject, even though I knew nothing about the subject itself. I decided I must investigate. To my horror and surprise, there really is a song called No Scrubs, by something called 'TLC', which in no way whatsoever differs from the description given of it in the abovementioned and above-linked text.
If you don't believe me, here it is:
Hmmmm.
If you have not done so already, I urge you again to read what is the definitive examination of this thing.
I quote therefrom:
Ironically, one of the collective known as 'TLC' died in a car crash. I just hope the irony did not escape her as the Mitsubishi Pajero rolled over several times, apparently throwing her through the window.
Now, if you, like I, feel the need to scrub yourself clean after exposure to the putrid filth that is No Scrubs, then the particular musical cold shower that I would recommend is this:
Anyway, I read the piece in question, and had the feeling that it was probably the definitive work on the subject, even though I knew nothing about the subject itself. I decided I must investigate. To my horror and surprise, there really is a song called No Scrubs, by something called 'TLC', which in no way whatsoever differs from the description given of it in the abovementioned and above-linked text.
If you don't believe me, here it is:
Hmmmm.
If you have not done so already, I urge you again to read what is the definitive examination of this thing.
I quote therefrom:
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me...
If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you live at home with your Momma
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you have a shorty but you don't show love
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don't want no scrub
No scrubs
No scrubs, whoah
Away with you, you beastly scrubs
As you can see, a paraphrase of this song might run as follows:
We are whores
Our juices only flow for blokes with German cars
We are whores, yes, we are proud to be whores
Ironically, one of the collective known as 'TLC' died in a car crash. I just hope the irony did not escape her as the Mitsubishi Pajero rolled over several times, apparently throwing her through the window.
Now, if you, like I, feel the need to scrub yourself clean after exposure to the putrid filth that is No Scrubs, then the particular musical cold shower that I would recommend is this:
WIDGETIZE