Saturday, April 28, 2012 10:36:59 PM
Tax, Funny Taxes, How To
Most people are unaware of the impotance of paying taxes. I mean how do you think the Revenue services guys, will feel if you deny them the opportunity to buy expensive italian sports cars and laugh in your face aftwerwards.
Weird, as it might sound, You HAVE to pay your taxes, because if you dont, well you have an appointment with a prison cell!! So you.ll have to settle for taxes. OK. Once you recieve an innocent letter from the Revenue services demanding you to pay your taxes OR ELSE.!!! Rest assured that you have no choice.
And then a few seconds after that, youll recieve a second letter, declaring war on you and asking you to file the payment papers, with the new easy-to-file paperwork.
Please, file the paperwork and send then...And -What do you know- a few milliseconds later, you recieve a message on your cellphone thanking you for bieng such a good person. Please reply with a message that reads - ARE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT YOU TOOK A BIG CHUNK OUT OF MY SALARY? -!!!
NOW press reply, but a few seconds after pressing -reply- You hear a violent knock on the door and an officer of the is Only happy to read you your rights.
Important!!!
Tax Evasion is a jailable offense and you should be very careful if you want to evade your taxes. The Best way to do this is to keep a chunk of your earnings between your matress, and spend it on expensive trips overseas and watch as the revenue service dudes, collapse with confusion.
OH!!
I shouldnt be blamed for arrests that may occur while random people try to evade taxes. Thanks.
Monday, April 23, 2012 10:31:41 PM
Most Downloaded, Man
Jesper Bruun The Most downloaded Man?
Have you heard of him? I thought so.
I've never heard of him, Infact I've never seen him before. You ll think They propably just took a random guy and said "Hey Lets make him the most Downloaded guy"
Whatch the video on
Time Newsfeed. And maybe you,ll recognise him doing some Random Stuff And things.
Friday, April 20, 2012 12:21:20 AM
Tips, Australia, How To
Bluegum trees, rugged coastlines, sandy beaches, amazing animals, mysterious tribal cultures, friendly natives, and the best wheather in the world. Yes, there's no doubt that South Africa is
one of the most spectacular countries anyone could ever hope to visit for a couple of day.
But Australia, The World's biggest island and smallest continent, also has its points. One of these is the -Australian Immigration Points System- according to which prospective immigrants are rated on their suitability for becoming Australians.
It is felt that this system provides the most objective and equitable method of ensuring that only the most acceptable candidates are accepted, and that no personal or political prejudice is allowed to stand in the way of the expatriate South African immigration official who adds up the score. Points are awarded according to the following strict criteria, and no correspondence will be entered into as long as the Australian Postal Service is on strike.
- Can speak good english.
- Can speak fair dinkum Australian.
-Have internationally-recognised degree in Accounting, Dentistry, Civil Engineering, or similar profession.......................Can Surf.???.....................Cant stand Hugh Grant!!!!.........................................Dont know who Hugh grant is but still cant stand Him...........................................................................................,................................................................................................,.............................Along with your completed application form, you will be required to send three photographs of yourself in left,right and centre profile, as well as a signed character reference from your parole officer. G,DAY Mate...or something like that.
Thursday, April 19, 2012 3:06:25 PM
Tips, New, How To, Own
These items should be caried on your person at all times, in the event that you inadvertently lock yourself out of you house on your way to a pre-breakfast session wit your stress-reduction therapist one Monday morning.
In order to retrieve your house an car keys from the fruit bowl on the kitchen table, or the inside pocket of the jacket you decided not to wear at the last minute because it had a dog-print on one of the cuffs, you will be forced to gain entry to your property by means of -breaking and entering-
Do not be alarmed Since no one has yet managed to design a home security system that is completely foolproof, you should be able to do this even if it makes you feel like a complete fool.
First, use the half-brick to create an opening in a small window-pane convenient to the suspected location of your keys, Now hook the long piece of wire around the window- handle.
Through careful, patient manipulation, you should be able to force the window open from the inside. Although this will not help you gain entry, it will at least allow some fresh air to filter into your house through the security bars.
Now try the Credit Card. Any One who has ever seen an American detective movie will know that it is possible to open a securely locked door by manoevering a credit card between the doorframe and the latch bolt assembly, providing you are an actor in an American detective movie, If not, don.t worry, A representative from your neighbouhood security company will be on the scene within minutes, and you will propably be let out on bail in time to telephone your insurance broker, your lawyer, and after-hours locksmith.
Monday, April 16, 2012 11:46:45 PM
Today, Movie, Cartoons
These are some of the random questions about cartoons that I usually ask myself:
1. Did Pinky and the brain ever take over the world?
2. Did Johny Bravo Ever Get Laid/ get maried?
3. Did Spongebob ever get a liscence?
4. Will Phineas and Ferb Ever go back to school?
5. Did Ed, Edd, and Eddy ever go to College?
6. Will Candice Ever Catch Phineas and Ferb in the Act?
7. Will Johny Bravo ever move out of His Mom,s house?
8. Will He Ever Take Off his stupid SUNglasses?
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Monday, April 16, 2012 7:13:02 PM
Country, New Zealand
New Zealand, so-called to avoid confusion with some other place called "Zealand" is the small bit of New Zealand shaped land to the right of Australia.
Actually if you look at the map, there appear to be three bits of New Zealand-shaped land, plus a few scattered dot with "NZ" in brackets after their name.
Contrary to popular belief , New Zealan is not a dull and dormant destination.
"___________________________________________Infact, more than half of the country.s 15 000 volcanoes are still -Active-. If you would like to emigrate to New Zealand, you may apply in person at New Zealand, and if theres anybody home, they will be happy to provide you with the neccessary application forms......................................................Persons who have qualifications and experience in the following fields are especially welcome: sheep-shearders, sheep-breeders, sheep-clippers, sheep- dippers, sheep-dogs named Shep, sheep-counters, shepherds, and any other field with a bunch of sheep and a couple of New Zealanders in it. Have a great stay in new zealand.
Saturday, April 14, 2012 4:54:52 PM
Guide, America
First on the list: THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Since its founding by a bunch of emigrants more than 200 years ago, the United states of America has been a safe haven for people fleeing injustice, discrimination and oppression in their own country.
If you can prove that your application for an American emigration visa was turned down purely on the grounds that you are a south African citizen, you may therefore have a case for reapplying as a victim of discrimination and injustice.
However, entry requirements are very strict, and you will have to satisfy a full board of US Immigration Authorities that you are capable of spelling words like -potatoe,naturalisation and the name of the American president Barrack Obama............................................You will also be required to demonstrate competence in the following areas: Chewing bubblegum and talking through nostrils/ packing own groceries in big brown-paper bag without handles, filling own car with unleaded gas, driving the wrong way down a one-way street at 120 miles per hour in a cadillac stretch lemousine with sparks coming off the rear fender. Should your application be refused, you have the right to appeal to the mexican embassy for a tourist visa with enclosed map showing best spots to swim across Rio grande river and sneak under fence in Texas at midnight. You will be classified as illegal alien, and you will not be allowed to do any work aside from brief non-speaking roles in the sequel to Aliens vs predatot 4.
Saturday, April 7, 2012 12:56:09 AM
Wall, South Africa
1. They all have windows.
2. They can crash at any time;
3. They are noisy;
4. Many are overlocked(far above safe operating specs;
5. They usually have some sort of cache.
6. Infinite customisation possibilities.
7. And Most of them are driven by a floppie with a nasty virus.
Saturday, April 7, 2012 12:37:41 AM
South Africa
OK. Minibus taxis are South Africa's most convenient form of rapid inner-city transport, and are guarantee to get you to your destination quicker than any other vehicle, including the highly powerfull traffic Department motorcycle of approachin in thd rear-view mirror.
Followin the repeal of the apartheid legislation, minibus taxis are open to all races, the majority of whick take place at 140 km/h between red robots on Commisioner Street.
You will find minibus taxis at designated ranks across the country and the easiest way to find a designated rank is to board the nearest minibus taxi. To do this------------------------simply stand on the side of the road with your index finger in the air, the universally acknowledged signal for minibus taxi about to break without warning............,........................... Several minibus taxis will then brake without warning, and you may board after the customary brief exchange of obscenities between members of rival taxi associations and motorists with dented fenders.
My Opera
