Posts tagged with "Own"
Thursday, April 19, 2012 3:06:25 PM
These items should be caried on your person at all times, in the event that you inadvertently lock yourself out of you house on your way to a pre-breakfast session wit your stress-reduction therapist one Monday morning.
In order to retrieve your house an car keys from the fruit bowl on the kitchen table, or the inside pocket of the jacket you decided not to wear at the last minute because it had a dog-print on one of the cuffs, you will be forced to gain entry to your property by means of -breaking and entering-
Do not be alarmed Since no one has yet managed to design a home security system that is completely foolproof, you should be able to do this even if it makes you feel like a complete fool.
First, use the half-brick to create an opening in a small window-pane convenient to the suspected location of your keys, Now hook the long piece of wire around the window- handle.
Through careful, patient manipulation, you should be able to force the window open from the inside. Although this will not help you gain entry, it will at least allow some fresh air to filter into your house through the security bars.
Now try the Credit Card. Any One who has ever seen an American detective movie will know that it is possible to open a securely locked door by manoevering a credit card between the doorframe and the latch bolt assembly, providing you are an actor in an American detective movie, If not, don.t worry, A representative from your neighbouhood security company will be on the scene within minutes, and you will propably be let out on bail in time to telephone your insurance broker, your lawyer, and after-hours locksmith.
Friday, March 30, 2012 3:42:44 PM
According to the laws of The Game of Rugby Football, a thin book available from the fiction section of any reputable bookstore, rugby football is a game played between two lock forwards who have been taking something to get rid of their cough.
Rugby football, is a fast-moving, hard hitting, pile driving, jaw breaking, knee dislocating sport played by men of exceptional substance under the most trying conditions. In a recent investigation by the Exceptional Substances Squad of the South African Rugby Football Police, these substances were found to incude: one paket of fast-acting extra strength headache tablets for instant realief from bieng hit on the head by one packet of fast-acting, extra-strength naartjies, 500, grams of pure uncut grass found und prop forward.s toungue after sliding tackle near base of goalpost, one tube of quick-drying superglue for repairing split boot heels and replacing dentures. Despite this haul, described by official sources as , one of the longest paragraphs we,ve ever come across the Exceptional substances SQUAD of The South African Rugby Football Police still managed to lose the match by 220 points to six, the six bieng scored while the other team were still in their dressing-room snorting Deep heat, at the start of the second half. As a result of this incident, the FAIR play and Ameteur Code Preservation Comittee of the South African Rugby Football Union(retired) has decided to insitute strict anti-dope measures before and after every rugby football match played under its auspices.
Saturday, March 24, 2012 2:40:39 PM
Lying just off the coast of Table Bay, this tiny enclave has played host to some of South Africa's famous seals, rock rabbits, seagulls, maximum security prisoner and arum lilies since its discovery by Jan Van Riebeeck in 1652.
The Island, a mere three kilometres long by one-and-a-half kilometres wide, was originally much bigger,but a massive programme of supervised rock-breaking has succeeded in making it almost invisible, from the mainland. As part of the South African Government.s ongoing efforts to preserve this spectecular natural heritage, the island has been open only to a hand-picked selection of bona fide flora and fauna enthusiasts throughout the year.......................................However, Robben Island is now open to small and well-behaved parties of domestic and foreign tourists on official guided expeditions. Nelson Mandela spend 27 years of his live in prison on The Robben Islands. And whatever you do, please dont feed the sea gulls as they are quite capable of taking your food themselves.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 8:01:12 PM
Woke up with a really sore head.Couldnt work out what it was, until I realised that i had been sleeping with the tape-recorder underneath my pillow all night.
2. Met my Mrs Andrews(lecturer) at her class this, sHE was very cordial and said that I did not need to call he Mrs.... OK..Andrews, I said, and we got down to business(just business) She handed me her business card, which was just as wel, as I had forgoten to bring my books and the battery in my phone had expired while i was listening to music in the last class, so had the phone....................................................................................................Had a mysterious heart attack today, but the old woman at the Campus clinic said it was just heart break, what nonsense! But the weird thing is that I get this mysterious heart attack immediatley after i break up with someone....................................................................Now I,m very busy with mrs Andrews....I mean Andrews....We.re Currently going through -The Female Reproductive system- Memorandumn-
Friday, March 9, 2012 11:24:51 PM
Did You Know That George Lazenby was a Junk Bond.
I,m officialy selling my soul on eBay, it's 80% off.
Adolf Hitler was a very Kinky Man.
I hate bieng Bi-Polar, It's Awesome
No I wasnt trying to kill myself, you fool...i was trying to commit suicide
Remember when we asked grand pa why his car was written "AuTOMATIC" and he said "if someone steals it will come AuTOMATICALLY come back home" And we fell for it.
Why do people say The Deceased is in a "BETTER PLACE" Underground is Nowhere Near better Place