Raul E Gastelo II

orentation...

Tuesday, 3. November 2009, 22:20:09

at orintation for tgif...just had lunch with my lady...good day

puppy day

Monday, 2. November 2009, 17:20:43

just gave pups a bath and grace loved it but shelby hated it. going to look for some boxes for the move and do some choirs... no enet today so all is done by phone

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new day

Sunday, 1. November 2009, 22:18:51

this is trick cause i have had outstanding days with my lady, but on the same note i know she is so so close to leaving me. strange, scary and beautiful

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still looking

Saturday, 31. October 2009, 21:39:31

oh man driving and looking at houses is so boring... at least i am out of the house you know..

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my new idea

Saturday, 31. October 2009, 00:52:15

I have decided to use this as my day to day journal...

starting today!

So we are trying to find a new place to live and so far it is kind of up and down. Things at home are balancing on a thin line

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My hands are a thousand degrees, and she is ice melting between my fingers.
I grip harder and tighter but she wilts and folds away like warm clay.
I have caused this and I do not know how to cool these hands,
To sooth them from the heat which pushes her away.
I will not just give up no matter what the burn,
This pain is worth her love and my pain is deserved.
I know her words hide truths between them,
Words she sends to false names like laying stones on mats.
Walk soft, for the stones are really glass and they cut deep,
But as said this pain is mine to own and grieve with.
I trust my hands and my heart and I trust that through it all the melting will stop.
And once again I will mold in stead of destroy this figure of clay,
And I will sculpt to hands together in this ice to resemble crystal with all its clarity and beauty.

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new living quarters

Tuesday, 20. October 2009, 00:17:46

getting ready to look at the new place i am moving to on the first of nov. in santa clara, ca.

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Schooling for me.....

Thursday, 15. October 2009, 16:52:51

Heading off to San Fran to day to look at the school I am trying to get into. MI for recording and producing. Wish me luck!

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Only Me

Tuesday, 13. October 2009, 22:38:16

I see faces I know but I can not remember our past,
Like flakes of snow falling slow I know I have seen them before but where?
I hear names of those once at my side and I know they are gone,
Yet they scream at me as if they were touching my shoulder.
Heavy heart of mine has so many empty spaces,
Ghost fill my voids and phantoms fill my mind.
Long ago I was never alone, never wanting, never still,
Now I am as one as one can be, the single breath at its last escape.
Longing to be who I am and not just who I am forced to be,
Revisiting me over and over again to find what I have lost in such little time.
But I find not what or who I am looking for,
I find only me.

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Sweet Surrender

Tuesday, 13. October 2009, 21:10:22

Give to you my heart,
Give to you my love,
Give to you my tears,
Give to you my blood.

I have asked you for the moments,
I have asked you for some time,
I have asked you for forgiveness,
I have asked you to draw a line.

Sitting in amazement by all that has come and gone,
I sit here in a haze of my will that is no longer strong.
I looked upon you for answers to questions I do not know,
And in return you gave me spite and sent my ego low.
I feel the end upon us as I feel the nights cold chill,
And in this final act I offer you one last thrill.

Sweet surrender over comes,
Like ecstasy while making love,
The warmth of your heart beat spills so slow,
As I feel the heat take control.
Agony is upon us now but not for very long,
We lay tight in each others arms and hum our final song.

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