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I knew I took a photo of the wrong RV!

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Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet

HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website.

"Later this evening, I intend to watch the video in question, click the 'reply' link above the box reserved for user comments, and draft a response, being careful to put as little thought into it as possible, while making sure to use all capital letters and incorrect punctuation," Mylenek said. "Although I do not yet know exactly what my comment will entail, I can say with a great degree of certainty that it will be incredibly stupid."

Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would allege that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature.

"The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy," Mylenek said.

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Assistant Manager Corrupted By Power

OVERLAND PARK, KS—Andrew Scelsa, promoted March 18 to assistant manager at the Sluman Road Denny's in Overland Park, is steadily becoming corrupted by his newfound power, sources within the family-style restaurant reported Monday.



"Andy used to be a pretty laid-back guy," said prep cook Julian Podriewski, who was recently reprimanded by Scelsa for wearing light-colored slacks to work. "Back when we were both cooking on the line together, I really liked him. He didn't care if the frying medium wasn't changed every shift, or if someone punched out a couple minutes early. But there's something about that gold sticker on his name tag that went straight to his head."

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