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Allan´s Weblog

My message in a bottle

Victoria

Yesterday I went to the hairdresser.

For those of you having noticed how I appear on photos, I'd better mention that I am well aware that it would be a waste of good money if I went to the hairdresser with the intention of dressing the poor remains of my hair. And since I am not a milliohaire, I wouldn't dream of doing a thing like that.

No, on the contrary I drove The Missus, she who must be obeyed, to the hairdresser. While she was dealt with by the also pretty looking hairdresser, doing what hairdressers do and talking with my wife the way women do, I thought I could just as well sit down and read a magazine while waiting for the end of the hairdressing process. I was looking forward to going back home. Lunch was waiting. And I like eating salmon on rye bread for lunch. With a beer.

I browsed through the magazines on the very small table next to me. I looked for car magazines, sport magazines - or, if everything else failed me, a magazine about photography.

There was nothing like that in the pile of magazines on the very small table. I had been given a very small cup of coffee, though. In order to help me pass the time, I guess.

I sat patiently with my very small cup of coffee, waiting. I finished the coffee in one and a half minute. At that time the two beautiful women - the hairdresser and my wife - hadn't even finished their hellos. I knew by experience that figuring out what kind of hairstyle, what colour of eyelashes and what sort of spraying-stuff to apply to The Missus' hair would easily take another five to ten minutes. Doing the decided stuff would be another hour. After that my wife would probably spend 10 minutes deciding what kind of expensive shampoo to buy before we could finally hit the road and get home to the impatiently waiting salmon on rye bread with a beer.

I picked up a magazine. I didn't know that mag, but I understood that it was about well-known people. Not that I knew any of them - but that's probably my fault. They were apparently all rich. They had style and class. They also had a lot of worries - like what house to buy, or what solicitor to use when they had been the innocent victim of some scam - or sometimes about what to eat in order not to become so damned fat.

Suddenly I noticed somebody I knew! Victoria Beckham!!

I understood that Victoria Beckham would very much like to appear on the cover of another magazine called "Vogue". But earlier the pretty Victoria decided to have a photo-shoot with a third magazine called "Elle" - and now "Vogue" would know nothing about her.

Victoria was so sorry. She felt abandoned. Serious problems. Very serious problems.

Being such a kind and helpful man as I am, I decided to help Victoria Beckham out. Maybe those stupid editors on "Vogue" were ignorant and posh, but at least I would like to make a difference.



Dear Victoria (I hope it's okay to address you this way) - it may be that it's a cruel and vicious world out there, but now you can at least tell everybody that you appeared on Allan's Weblog.

I do hope this helps.

And the salmon was fine, the beer even finer. After two hours everything goes.

Without further adieu, I will end this entry.

Driving in ParisYoung mother seeking baby's dad

Comments

Darko 8. September 2009, 07:22

And I think she should be proud of being here :up: Allan's weblog is much more interesting place than Vogue or Elle :D

Julka 8. September 2009, 10:06

Oh Allan:) This is sooo funny!

BTW - is it really such a distress to wait in the hairdressers for your Missus? I never understood why men are so impatient :wink:

der Wandersmann 8. September 2009, 14:26

Excellent!

Angeliki 8. September 2009, 17:12

and this is the kind of posts
one doesn't see often at Allans ' place :lol:
maybe because he doesn't visit the beauty parlor very often :D



*sarcasm* + *fun* + *salmon and beer* = :hat: perfect!!! p:



hugs to the pretty Mrs :smile:

Angeliki 8. September 2009, 17:13

PS

Homer: Doh!

forgot the rye bread! :up:

der Wandersmann 8. September 2009, 17:49

Pickled herring, instead of salmon ... ("Jorgensen's temptation"?) and a bottle of Tuborg Festival Brew.

Only one, though.

My laundry can't stand any more.

Stardancer 8. September 2009, 21:16

You are to be commended, Allan. Very few men are able to entertain themselves while their wives get their hair done.

:up:

:lol:

Have a great day!

:heart:

Allan 8. September 2009, 21:39

Thank you so much everybody - on behalf of Victoria and myself.

To be honest, going to the mall with a woman, or a group of women, also going downtown, to the beauty parlor or the furniture exhibitions is very, very agonizing. I feel like a dog at a tea party. I don't know the rules, the agenda or the scheme of things. Everything is Egyptian to me.

A question like: "Aren't these shoes sweet?" leaves me with only one thing to say: "Eerr, umm, hrmm". I don't understand the question. How can shoes be sweet? How can they be not sweet? They are shoes, for pete's sake. They look uncomfortable. They are red. They smell like leather. But I never get that sort of questions. All I hear is "Are they sweet?"

Good grief!

PainterWoman 8. September 2009, 21:53

:lol: Cute post Allan.

As for sweet, I think David Beckham is sweetest.

muse 9. September 2009, 01:00

All shoes have their own unique qualities, usually discernible to the female part of the species. :lol:

der Wandersmann 9. September 2009, 04:42

My first question about shoes: "Do they have steel toecaps?" This is the product of an experience in which I discovered I did NOT have steel toes.

The second question: "Is there a possibility that they might stop a snake strike?" For someone mucking about in certain environments, that is extremely relevant.

Martin K 9. September 2009, 05:15

Reminds me of the joke about the priest who comes by a bunch of Finnish guys, who are participating in some strange game where they basically kick eachother in the lower area of the back. The priest goes like 'For God's sake, what are you doing? Stop hurting eachother?' The Finnish guys stop and look at him. 'It doesn't hurt,' one of them says, 'We ARE wearing steel toe boots...'

Allan 9. September 2009, 07:00

@muse: I think you're right. At least it explains things.

Wandersmann, you have a sound and sensible approach to footwear.

@Finnish guys: You have a sound and sensible approach to footwear, too. But you might find it difficult to ride a bicycle.

Edward Piercy 10. September 2009, 20:23

Terrible news about Posh of course. I hardly know how I am going to get any work done the rest of the day worrying about her. But I am very happy that you caught up with your beer and salmon sandwich. :smile:

Richard 11. September 2009, 19:54

:lol: Very droll post, Allan. :yes: Lovely!

Allan 11. September 2009, 21:10

I am sorry, Ed, to have disturbed your peace of mind. Hope you're feeling better now.

Droll? I l have learned a new word today. Thanks :smile:

studio41 12. September 2009, 07:36

"but now you can at least tell everybody that you appeared on Allan's Weblog.

I do hope this helps." You are the funny one. :wink: how do mean, salmon on rye-- out of a can?

sounds like a lovely morning, hope the coffee was a good one-- and btw, which sort of shampoo was chosen... just curious
:D great post.

Allan 12. September 2009, 07:48

Rye bread doesn't come in cans. We buy that in a bakery.

The salmon is bought in the mall, and in this case it was gravad salmon. It's salted, fermented and served with dill.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravad_lax

The shampoo? I don't know - but it says "For dry hair" on the label. I think that is nonsense. She only needs it when she's having a shower. I don't know what they mean.

Martin K 12. September 2009, 08:33

Dry hair cleaning doesn't work. You have to add water. I have tried washing hair in beer a couple of times, unvoluntary though, but still. In that case you don't need shampoo at all. It will foam even so. Good thing is, you can drink the rest of the beer. Drinkable shampoo has yet to be invented as have edible soap.

studio41 12. September 2009, 08:38

Originally posted by ricewood:

it says "For dry hair" on the label. I think that is nonsense. She only needs it when she's having a shower.


:lol:

studio41 12. September 2009, 08:39

Originally posted by Aqualion:

Drinkable shampoo has yet to be invented as have edible soap.


Martin just invented it.

Martin K 12. September 2009, 08:46

Picture an alien (from another planet) watching people's behaviour. He sees some bloke putting water in the face and then adding soap. He must think: 'What is wrong. He puts water in the face, just to wash it of with soap? Why does he put water in the face in the first place...' It's the same with beer. The alien thinks, 'Why does he drink beer only to puke it out again?'

Human life is utter nonsense.

:jester:

Allan 12. September 2009, 10:49

Nonsense - or downright funny. Depending on how you perceive it.

Standing naked in front of a full size mirror always amuses me. That's downright funny. Always cracks me up.

Martin K 12. September 2009, 15:17

It's okay. As long as the crack only shows on the back. If it shows on the front, I would start worrying.

der Wandersmann 12. September 2009, 15:46

I have seen bears devour soap in camps they are raiding ... I think it's the fragrances that attract them ... at any rate, it's amusing to watch. They look as though they had rabies.

Originally posted by ricewood:

The shampoo? I don't know - but it says "For dry hair" on the label. I think that is nonsense. She only needs it when she's having a shower. I don't know what they mean.

Laugh

Joni 13. September 2009, 05:38

Want to understand about women and shoes? This video explains it all. "Kelly" and "Shoes". Kelly (and her twin brother and grandmother) is played by Liam Sullivan, brilliant Canadian comedian. There are a few F-bombs here, so be warned. Fire dancers toward the end of the video are pretty cool, too. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA

studio41 14. September 2009, 06:03

Originally posted by Aqualion:

'Why does he drink beer


here, Martin, I'm gonna try this one this fall: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Beer-Cheese-Soup-II/Detail.aspx

Allan 14. September 2009, 07:18

Beer cheese soup!

Excuse me while I find a place to faint...

Martin K 14. September 2009, 07:35

The internet is rim full with evidence supporting my theory of the character of human life.

Darko 14. September 2009, 14:28

Beer cheese soup :eyes:

der Wandersmann 14. September 2009, 14:46

Oy, vay!

Martin K 14. September 2009, 17:17

Good thing, you only faint, Allan. I was almost doing something comepletely different but equally unpleasant and involuntary with the thought of beer cheese soup.

:yuck:

studio41 15. September 2009, 07:49

Originally posted by ricewood:

Excuse me while I find a place to faint...


Allan and Darko and all other doubters, it is so delicious! you must try it!!! and put popcorn on top as garnish...

Allan 15. September 2009, 07:52

:faint:

Julka 15. September 2009, 18:04

Originally posted by ricewood:

To be honest, going to the mall with a woman, or a group of women, also going downtown, to the beauty parlor or the furniture exhibitions is very, very agonizing. I feel like a dog at a tea party. I don't know the rules, the agenda or the scheme of things. Everything is Egyptian to me.

A question like: "Aren't these shoes sweet?" leaves me with only one thing to say: "Eerr, umm, hrmm". I don't understand the question. How can shoes be sweet? How can they be not sweet? They are shoes, for pete's sake. They look uncomfortable. They are red. They smell like leather. But I never get that sort of questions. All I hear is "Are they sweet?"

Good grief!



Haha.
Men just don't understand a thing, do they?:wink:

studio41 16. September 2009, 06:40

im serious.

Allan 16. September 2009, 07:20

No we don't. Not a single thing.

I know you are serious, Jill. Bu so am I. If you offered me to taste the stuff, I would. But I would be very suspicious.

studio41 16. September 2009, 07:23

suspicious is fine, convicted twill be afterward (that I'm right in this particular case :wink: )

Allan 16. September 2009, 07:29

I would like to offer you a dish with potatoes, parsley and eel in return. A traditional, Danish dish.

studio41 16. September 2009, 08:44

wonderful! sounds absolutely delicious and you won't have to convince me in advance that it is... oh! there-- you got me, I was speedreading and neglected to see the letters EEL... that wouldn't by chance be differently rendered in Danish now would it? :faint: (Jill faints prior to boarding the ship to Denmark)...

Allan 16. September 2009, 11:27

No, ma'am. Eel means eel. And they are the most delicious thing under the sun.

studio41 17. September 2009, 05:09

Originally posted by ricewood:

they are the most delicious thing under the sun.


I've had before, and from experience :wink: I will politely disagree. please serve up those potatoes, though. :D

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