<center>Rives</center>

hahaha instermentreal tracks at the end of albums. who would do that. i dont know theres this strang tired that ecists only just below my skin and i dont what to call it or how to play it. i shouldnt sleep. that would just make it worse. thats for sure. im almost starting to question weather or not a scar or 5 on my face would be nice. it would make him feel more at home. that would be horrible. its like every step i take is more into him and farther away from me. and its not a matter of choice or decision, but i know i could do more to fight it. tired is good. is an abyss. there is no me, no him. no her. its just there when im tired. i can move through time as passivly as any other inatimate thing fails to blink as its eyes grow dry. pushing things aside are simpler when theres nothing. you just lay. as you walk as you think. simply driing. no one can take controol when theres nothing to take controll of. its strange to watch personalitys mix and dilute each other. some are oil and water and will dance around the other for ever but never mesh. other find there commen balace, blue and yellow make green, red and blue make purple. then theres the ones that battle. the ones that mesh only for a second then force each other appart and from some thing completely new. not simply a third color that is a product of the first two, but some thing that has never been seen before, and will likely never be created agian. its impossible to recreate the reaction. the one varible, of tempt, exposere, quantity, that you cant controll, is time. these reactions are all time sensative. there for with every passing second the ingredents will changee ever so slightly, creating new strands of the same virus. i dont miss the changes. i dont know how to discribe what it is that am. these reactions take place more times then i can possibly count or even begin to imagine, and im the only witness. they are all with the mind of a singal soul, that is never a singularity. pulsing. beats. changes in the are driven by sound. and color. my eye is falling apart. i dont miss it tho.

car accident. i was in one. three days ago.

i dont know your favorite color. i dont know your favorite food, or even what your idea of the perfect night is. i dont know any of the things that make people know people. but i know your words before they leave your lips, and can feel your presese long before you enter a room. i know when your going to smile. i know that you suprise me. i know that you have no idea why this is being written and that you know me all the same. i know conversations spark from nothing and deep secrets are shared in moments when we create a feeling in a place. i know that i bounce my self of off you and you do the same creating a vaccume for all that could sway us from these moods. i know the look in your eye. most of them. i know the sound of your subtlest hessitations, i know how many times, and how to ask. i know when you want to say, and when you appologize. for nothing. i dotn knwo your birth day. i dont know your annaversy. i dont care. i know what i need to know you. i know what you prefer, so what else would matter.


i have no idea where that came from.
i should save this post and start a new one.