honest
Tuesday, 25. March 2008, 04:53:03
falling to the edge of earth reading words scribled dirt. im not. apathy. not apathetic. just not. i am not the things i think, voice i speak, the clothes i wear, my words no more real the ones i never speak. peotry and rythem. music. art. i have no undersanding. always too complex. math was always past me. english, i could not spell. mediocore in the pool. mediocure in the field. mediocure on the stage. mediocure in vidio games sketching. theres a quote i always loved, that every member of this country is over qualified for jobs that we dont do. only in our minds. we arent ment to clean bathrooms, we arent ment to wash sheets and pick fruit, cut grass. i dont have a tallent that set me apart. i was never brilliant... at well, any thing. im disguesting when its just me. i dont clean. dont cook. dont wash. dont care. just live. its filthy. i want to some one who gives a damn. i do. but thats not the case. theres a reason that change groups of friends, move, kill contact; theres really nothing there. even those i view as shallow, slow simple, they all soon surpass me. i cant tell you why i still try. i dont know how i got where i am. why im here, and not hime less, or woking as a janitor. i dont know why im the lowest tier. im sure im suposed to be. my nepolian complex is internal, thats why i stand next to the bulldag and bard for aknowlegement. i know my own short comings. and i know that theye are all i am.
