TOMORROW I WILL BE UNDERGOING A 9 HOUR BRAIN SURGERY
Wednesday, July 20, 2011 12:15:30 PM
Now this loneliness has nothing to do with the people around me, whom I have come to view more as Angels in disguise than solicitous humans, who have been surrounding me with their love, patience, faith, understanding and compassion. I couldn't be more fortunate in that respect, since I feel held within a huge cocoon of my beloveds' care and protection. No, this loneliness goes much deeper than the feeling of being alone.
It has to do, if I may try to define such a thing, with the sharply, constantly present thought that, when it comes down to what's real, each of us is truly, utterly, irreparably alone. Life puts out out there, where other forms of life remind us we are to participate in their dance and allow then to dance with us, without stepping on anyone's toes, if possible. But once the reality of the normalcy of death enters a person's mind, once we are faced with that inevitable and wondrous adventure that's waiting for us, knowing that, when our time comes, we'll be leaving by ourselves and will have to leave everthing and everyone familiar behind, that's when this unique form of loneliness begins to dawn. And, once it shows up, it never leaves again, or at least that's true for me. ]