I am not the Robot Tourist

Does the term QFT* work with images?

*QFT == Quoted For Truth

I had heard many bad things about White Chicks, but was intrigued when my mother recommended I watch it. Further, I was surprised when I did watch it that it wasn't the worst film ever and that I enjoyed it all apart from one scene with a dildo that I had to fast-forward.

White chicks is the child of many individual films and even whole genres. The most notable influences being Mrs Doubtfire and Miss Congeniality, but it is also following in the grand tradition of absurd police films like Dragnet and Police Academy as well as Bad Boys, any number of Eddie Murphy films and not forgetting Lenny Henry’s only Hollywood film.

The absurdity comes from the fact that the Wayanses never end up looking anything like the girls they are supposed to be made up as and that they barely act like them. However, the way they triumph over the stuck up white country club set in all situations with their black street smart is hilarious.

One thing that could have been slightly toned down was the Pepé le Pew-like character who went after one of the Wayans when she was dressed as a white chick. Once you go black, you’ll need a wheelchair? Shiver. Apart from that the Latrell Williams character was necessary for comic relief, even if he did look a far more like an NFL player than a basketballer.

One real problem was that the blonde girl of the three who went around with the Wilson sisters was attractive, but was often given unflattering dresses and some unflattering shots. The whited-up Wayans who was the target of the Latrell Williams character had no butt at all, especially compared to the blonde girl of the three. Going further, but not in a completely shallow way, the brunette of the three was woefully underused, because in my opinion the camera liked her the most. However she did have one scene where she had just put on a black mini skirt and crop top that made her even more totally hot and she suddenly started to scream about how fat she looked. The blonde girl in the end had her troubles solved by turning down the man on whom she had a crush because he was a rat. The brunette was never shown to have resolved her self-doubt over her appearance.

I wouldn’t exactly recommend buying or renting White Chicks, especially because of the dildo scene, but if you do end up watching it for any reason, I think you will enjoy it for the dance scene and the surprisingly good fight scenes.

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I wish David Davis was not resigning as a political stunt, which it surely is. As a simple political act, his resignation is puerile and pointless. However, I wish he was my MP. My own MP’s vote was bought by promises of policy reviews and more money for Northern Ireland. How I wish I had a picture of the DUP SELL OUT slogans on the pillars of the roads over the M2 round Ballymena. The St. Andrews Agreement was simply a warmed over Belfast Agreement. I was against that, but I was too young to vote in 1998 and I could accept the status quo. Now, Rev Dr Ian Richard Kyle Paisley and Peter Robinson have not just sold our constitution for a few million pounds of English taxpayers’ money, they have sold our very freedoms as subjects of Her Majesty The Queen. What short-term gains have Robinson and Paisley extracted from Gordon Brown? If Mr Brown’s statements are indeed correct, that he did not buy anyone’s vote, then what does the DUP think it can get from Brown in the future? Diane Abbott was correct, Gordon Brown won the vote, but he did not win the argument.

Gordon Brown’s plan for 42 days of detention without trial, was in the first case unnecessary. The provisions of this bill would only come into effect in a grave emergency, but the government already has powers basically to do as it likes in a state of emergency.

Second, this bill brings the commons into the judiciary. To hold someone for up to 42 days, the police must ask the Home Secretary for permission. The Home Secretary must then ask Parliament. The Commons should decide laws, not individual cases, that is for the Law Lords (or the Supreme Court, if it ever gets going).

Currently the only credible alternative to the DUP in my constituency is the UUP (though Sinn Fein is gaining ground) and the only UUP MP at Westminster is the Labour-leaning Lady Hermon, who voted with the government for 42 days’ detention.

Finally, the most disappointing aspect of this whole affair was that Bob Spink of the UKIP voted for the government. How can the UKIP claim to want to maintain British sovereignty in the face of ever-increasing EU powers, when Mr Spink voted for a bill that would allow a government to hold citizens of its own country for 42 days without charge. In my eyes, Mr Spink voting with the government to allow 42 days of detention is tantamount to ratifying the Lisbon Treaty.

I do not want to foment marital strife, but I hope now that Baroness Paisley of St George’s will see sense and vote against our government’s pernicious and illiberal bill when it is read in the Hosue of Lords.

David Davis for PM!