this world is so realistic,sometimes i'm really confused. just like what they always say,why don't u get xx from sb.,why don't u have do this urself,why don't u let me to do this 4 u,why don't u have him to do this 4 u.or some bitches just put it in a very direct way.why don't u sell part of urself 4 getting sth. to make the life more comfortable. yeah,probably i would get things ppl always want if i lend myself,but it's not kind of in my value circle to sell myself to get some stupid brands,some terrific dinners,a free travel,i can afford it myself,even rarely,it's ok.and even if the promotion or the money, i just can't turn myself in.cuz as the price,i have to handle my self-esteem,might be body,might be feeling,whatever is extremely important to me. but life is complicated.u don't get what u want if u r not going to act exactly like others who could get.and ppl don't value losers. until now i can't do those things which r far away from my value.they say that's becuz i don't want them so badly.but what happens if i really want sth. much.
like what UGLY BETTY played,
YOU WANNA FIT IN WITH THESE PEOPLE?I GOT NEWS FOR YOU--THEY'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE.YOU HAVE TO.
THIS PLACE THAT YOU THINK IS SO GLAMOROUS... IT'S NOT ALL.IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE.IT'S PEOPLE DECEIVING EACH OTHER AND... HIDING THINGS AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR A KID TO BE AROUND.
although many friends warned me a lot and i knew it would be tough 4 a girl who wanna pop out in fashion world,but i still want to in it.that is the thing i really pursue.i do, i mean it! however i doubt if i can handle this...i know it's a dark cankered world behind that gorgeouse appearance.there r many deals,many lackeys,and many bitches.i don't want to be one of them at all,i don't want to lose those estimable characters i value,but i want to live in the fashion world.i can't tell if being fanatical on pretty stuff is kind of shallow,but i love it. the problems r how long i'll love this how much i can sacrifice myself and how far i can go.is this love worth to throw away my value?will i turn out to be the bitch i always hate? .i don't know i really don't......but i do know is as long as i keep asking myself these questions,there's no way to do it well.i am so concerned,and i'm so scared....maybe enjoying shallow is much easier so that i don't have to struggle a lot... oh,i wish i was that kind of bitch already.