Monday, 21. September 2009, 04:05:03
Its was a shocker when i heard a very tragic incident that happened last sunday night. 'twas a birthday party of one of our friends and it ended up bad, real bad that one of 'em ended up having a 5 stitch on her forehead. I cannot imagine the horror if i myself is present that day. What bothers me most is our friendship is being tested now. =(
Friday, 17. July 2009, 19:48:33
We're all complete for the first time. Ol my friends and cousins we're all present. As of this time ika 8th case na ng Red Horse and they keep on buying more. Its around 4 o'clock in the morning and everyone's still alive. OMG! how can i redeem myself and be sober?!
Monday, 6. July 2009, 08:59:39
was trying to put a playlist of the "Songs from the Secret Garden" but damn twas not working. Playlist is empty but when the pop out player is clicked and opened in a new window it works... hmm, i guess its not just created yet to work with myopera premises. anyway, just decided to removed it.
Sunday, 5. July 2009, 14:13:47
Songs from a Secret GardenWas browsing for an hour now. Nothing pretty much amuses me. Kinda depressed again, a lot of things are goin' through my mind. Thinkin' how to move forward and how to have a peaceful life. If i were to choose, not here. Not here in the Philippines. Sometimes i feel like im in a trap, no way to get out, problems one after the other, its just a cycle. I know i can break that chain and change my life. Right now all i wanted is to get outta here. Just disappear without no one knowing i've left, not even him. Wanted to start a new life, from scratch, a new me, new set of friends. Its a kinda hard thing to do to forget the past. I love everybody here in my hometown where i grew up but somethings has to change. How i wish god will gave me another chance...
Friday, 3. July 2009, 14:20:19
Love, relationship, deceit, Lies
I hate myself. I hate myself for lettin' him lie again, once more, in front of my face. He went to me, ask if we can drink, chill out. I said yes. For the first time we chilled out with no hang ups on his part, wlang problema na pinag uusapan. Everything was fine and what have you when the phone suddenly ringed. Twas my niece who answered the phone and said that 'twas #@@#. SIlence, i just bowed my head till i could. In my mind im so full of anger and madness. After the call everything turned different, i couldnt't talk, i could't even utter a word, knowing that when i opened my mouth its something different. After a few minutes i silently told him "go home". he asked why and all i did was to say it again and turned my back, he followed and confronted me whhy? there it began, i reminded him of my conditions. He said sorry and never it would happen again. But how could you trust when 'twas broken twice olready. Should i wait for another instance it would happen again? should i count on with his words?... if only i do have the enough resources, i'll fly out the soonest time possible. redeem myself away from here.
Wednesday, 1. July 2009, 17:58:51
happiness, Love, Tragedy, relationship
hmm... i really don't know how to define it bcoz i for one don't know exactly what happiness is. ewan ko huh?! kse for me i'll be able to spell it out, give its meaning pag ok na ko sa buhay ko. I mean relationship wise, careerwise and what not. Pro matalino si lord at di naman pwede ibigay lahat or i mean pagsabayin yun. Well, lucky for those people or individuals na meron sila nun both and they are happy with it, i mean yeah they may have good relatiosnhip pro sa love arena eh medyo loser sila in that aspect, and vise versa. But of course not all, meron tlgang chosen people na winner in both aspects.
In my case... napapansin ko lang. Di tlga pwede sabay. Proven ko na yan. Noon hanggang ngayon. Kaya ako dpat pag ok sa work wag ng makipag relasyon kse once na pumasok na to be continued...
Once it came in my system it really mess me up big time! I don't know sadya atang ginawa akong tanga ni Lord sa love. Kse abuso raw ako. A lot of my friends envy me when it comes to career. Pag may nagustuhan akong pasukan, nakukuha ko tlaga. But as what i mentioned wag lang may makita na love ayun "ITS A BIG DISASTER". Pro in fairness nun asa Riyadh naman ako I had this love na ok naman kme. I mean for the first time in my life eh may taong nagpakita ng magandang loob. But at that time to be honest im on a rebound. Di nman sa ayoko maging serious pro ang naging systema ko is select, select, select. Para lang nag shoshopping. Pro yun isa (he knows who he is) sya yun perfect fit, till now we're still in touch. although we just chose to be friends. mahirap nga naman, asa riyadh sya naiwan ako asa manila. i don't buy long distance relationship.
Kya ayan, till now I really cannot define "HAPPINESS" I hope one day i will...
Tuesday, 30. June 2009, 14:31:11
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok
[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok
[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do)
It'll all get better in time
Monday, 29. June 2009, 13:29:31
We had a talk days ago. I poured out ol' my feelings, answered everything... why the sudden change and why i began avoiding him. I was thinking this is one way of straightening out our differences and twas' also thinking i should start removing ol' d' negative things around me and redeeming myself from everything i've been through. I gave him the chance to talk and asked him of only two things that he should do from now on. I don't want myself into any further mess that's why i requested for it. It's not for only for me but for him as well. I also told him that if he cannot guarantee it then its fine for me and i can live by myself peacefully...
Right now everything is back to normal and we're slowly starting over again. I just don't want to burn any bridges before i leave outta PH again. I don't want to leave the way i did twice, when i was runnin' outta the relationship and tryin' to know myself more in another land. Nothing happened. So i guess maybe this time when i leave again it'll be better and peaceful and no grudges left.
Wednesday, 17. June 2009, 12:24:40
After saying goodbye he was so persistent on talking with me and patching things up. Trying to make amends after everything has been said and done. I always avoided answering the phone for fear that it'll be him on the other line. For me why do it has to reach the point for me to do it, for him to reorganize "us". There's a lot of time i had given him to settle things and talk 'bout it but he's not responding, whenever we meet there's always this sense of nothing's goin' on, no problems, no worries. It kinda pisses me off 'ol d time. Yesterday he passed by with a friend and just the same scenario. After he left i texted him and said that he can never appease me by his visit. Got a reply just now and said that it was never his intention to ask for something and the reason he dropped by is for us to be ok. Its like "what d hell?" i wanted to reply but just told myself no, not anymore. Its really time for us to separate and go on with our lives. Hard to do it but in due time everything will pass
Sunday, 31. May 2009, 12:15:41
I’m so freaking tired and exhausted. I mean there's nothing much i can see or am i just being blind into what's happening with my life for the past 6 yrs or so. The last relationship i had for 5 yrs was the main trigger i guess why i don't have any happiness. Is it still i'm not yet over? When i came back from Riyadh, all i prayed for is not to cross paths with him again, but unfortunately living in a negihborhood where a gossip spreads like wildfire, he got the chance to see me again. I tried working things out but later realized it won't work anymore. The magic is not there no more. I don't want to push myself into believing "us" can still be revived lke an ICU patient. Im just damn lost where to find happiness. Very lost...
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