Identity disconnect
Sunday, 20. September 2009, 18:42:12
Have you ever wanted to change yourself, move away and create a new identity. Have you accomplished this?
Today on DNTO (Definitely Not the Opera) Sook Yin Lee spoke with a few people who had accomplished this, created new lives for themselves. But the most interesting conversation was with writer Peggy Orenstein about "Growing up on Facebook".
Before the Facebook and other social networking sites young adults moved away from home and from their high school friends. They went to college, did crazy things and found new friends and new lives. But now kids leave the nest and keep in touch with their pals on social networking sites. They even post the crazy things (pictures too) they do for all the world to see. Sometimes they create new identities for all to see. I don't know, I'm kind of glad I don't have any photos of my orange hair and baggy red plaid pants let alone some of the silliness encountered in art school. I don't regret any of it but I'm glad there is no permanent record of my embarrassing situations and young adult angst. Isn't that why kids move away from home, so they can find out who they really are away from people who think they know who they are? I don't keep in touch with anyone from highschool and I don't feel sad about that at all.
Another thing talked about on the show was this fear of loneliness we all have. Facebook takes that all away. When going through a tough time instead of learning to be introspective all you have to do is post your feelings and not feel lonely. But does it really help? Do you grow from that experience? Moving away from home can be terrifying. The homesickness felt is a kind of culture shock. When a mother bear knows her cubs are ready to be on their own she kicks them out, runs them up a tree and leaves. Not saying that we need to be so harsh. Just saying that a little isolation is vital for personal growth.
When I first moved to Vancouver in my twenties I was so miserable and lonely! I made new friends, fell in love, but I was still lonely. I remember writing 20 page letters to one of my good friends. After a few years I then moved to Montreal. At first it was really scary but then I found that because no one really knew me there, I felt I could be myself. Again I wrote 20 page letters to one of my friends. (I wonder if he kept them?) Though it was cathartic I am so glad that only he read my personal thoughts. And then I moved back home and again I felt lost and lonely. A reverse culture shock. I had grown and changed and the people I knew had also changed. I found it difficult to relate to them. But, then I had an opportunity to work in China and decided to go. But really that was the best move I ever made. Absolutely no one knew me there! I was free! Not stuck in that role of shy girl, I was forced to be the gregarious foreign teacher willing to sing karaoke at the drop of a hat.
And now I'm back home again and now I think I know who I really am. Though sometimes I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I can't imagine how this all could of happened if I had people following my every move. Mistakes happen. Life happens. Change is enivitable. Yes you can change yourself, but it's a lot easier away from people who know you.
When I was younger I always felt I was someone different at home, someone else with my friends and lord who knows who at work. Now this person is one and the same. I don't know if I could've done this under the watchful eye of the internet. Sometimes I think I should divulge more personal things on my blog, but really, I'm happy that most of my life remains private. There are few here that really know me, and that's just fine!
****I'm not criticizing people for being on Facebook! Just wondering about the effects of internet networking on the growth of young people****
Today on DNTO (Definitely Not the Opera) Sook Yin Lee spoke with a few people who had accomplished this, created new lives for themselves. But the most interesting conversation was with writer Peggy Orenstein about "Growing up on Facebook".
Before the Facebook and other social networking sites young adults moved away from home and from their high school friends. They went to college, did crazy things and found new friends and new lives. But now kids leave the nest and keep in touch with their pals on social networking sites. They even post the crazy things (pictures too) they do for all the world to see. Sometimes they create new identities for all to see. I don't know, I'm kind of glad I don't have any photos of my orange hair and baggy red plaid pants let alone some of the silliness encountered in art school. I don't regret any of it but I'm glad there is no permanent record of my embarrassing situations and young adult angst. Isn't that why kids move away from home, so they can find out who they really are away from people who think they know who they are? I don't keep in touch with anyone from highschool and I don't feel sad about that at all.
Another thing talked about on the show was this fear of loneliness we all have. Facebook takes that all away. When going through a tough time instead of learning to be introspective all you have to do is post your feelings and not feel lonely. But does it really help? Do you grow from that experience? Moving away from home can be terrifying. The homesickness felt is a kind of culture shock. When a mother bear knows her cubs are ready to be on their own she kicks them out, runs them up a tree and leaves. Not saying that we need to be so harsh. Just saying that a little isolation is vital for personal growth.
When I first moved to Vancouver in my twenties I was so miserable and lonely! I made new friends, fell in love, but I was still lonely. I remember writing 20 page letters to one of my good friends. After a few years I then moved to Montreal. At first it was really scary but then I found that because no one really knew me there, I felt I could be myself. Again I wrote 20 page letters to one of my friends. (I wonder if he kept them?) Though it was cathartic I am so glad that only he read my personal thoughts. And then I moved back home and again I felt lost and lonely. A reverse culture shock. I had grown and changed and the people I knew had also changed. I found it difficult to relate to them. But, then I had an opportunity to work in China and decided to go. But really that was the best move I ever made. Absolutely no one knew me there! I was free! Not stuck in that role of shy girl, I was forced to be the gregarious foreign teacher willing to sing karaoke at the drop of a hat.
And now I'm back home again and now I think I know who I really am. Though sometimes I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I can't imagine how this all could of happened if I had people following my every move. Mistakes happen. Life happens. Change is enivitable. Yes you can change yourself, but it's a lot easier away from people who know you.
When I was younger I always felt I was someone different at home, someone else with my friends and lord who knows who at work. Now this person is one and the same. I don't know if I could've done this under the watchful eye of the internet. Sometimes I think I should divulge more personal things on my blog, but really, I'm happy that most of my life remains private. There are few here that really know me, and that's just fine!
****I'm not criticizing people for being on Facebook! Just wondering about the effects of internet networking on the growth of young people****
WIDGETIZE
Darko # 20. September 2009, 05:55
This is so true. I never had to leave my hometown but I lived by myself (most of the time) since I was 21. On the other hand I was independent (or stubborn) and being lonely was never a big trouble. Some people are amazed that I did most of my travells alone. It was never a problem for me. And I never felt home sick *shrugs*
Internet is a different place. Not only that it is a virtual place that may dissapear one day if our Sun decides to spit a big amount of plasma toward our way, wiping out all of our electronics; or Chuck Norris decides to turn it off
This is very nice post, thanks for sharing
San # 20. September 2009, 06:30
Do you think because you are an extrovert it was easier to be yourself where you were, and travel alone?
For many years I didn't have a camera and I never kept a diary of my adventures. Sometimes I read back through my Opera posts and reminisce. But then I realize that I have not shown everything here. What does it matter anyway? Does everything need to be documented? If we spend too much time writing and photographing our experiences I think we forget to live them.
Darko # 20. September 2009, 06:52
It was easy for me to make a contact with other people, wherever I was and I felt no problem with asking for a direction or some more information about the places I trevelled through. But, what I felt about the place was the most important to me. It would have been nice to have a company, of course, but being alone never stopped me to travel when I was in position to do that
Stop that thing about banana slug, I need to have my breakast now
San # 20. September 2009, 06:55
Darko # 20. September 2009, 06:58
San # 20. September 2009, 07:07
Adele # 20. September 2009, 07:36
Darko # 20. September 2009, 07:37
You are still awake? Go to bed, woman
☜☞Sarah☜☞ # 20. September 2009, 13:29
Let's put things in perspective...are you really benefiting from being lonely and afraid as an adult after moving away from college? Maybe staying in touch would have also help you to grow because of the support that good friends can give.
1.They can share their own personal experience.
2.Research shows that not staying connected poses similar risks to your health as high blood pressure, obesity and even smoking.
"And now I'm back home again and now I think I know who I really am."
I think that is going to happen as we grow older, in any instance. Sounds like you have dealt with it all pretty well. Others get really depressed...I think to each their own. This is just my P.O.V. on it all.
San # 20. September 2009, 17:57
I think it's too soon to know what the effects of internet social networking will be. Yes the phone certainly changed things, but phone conversations are generally between two people and not recorded for the world to listen to.
Stardancer # 20. September 2009, 19:18
There's a song called, "I'm Movin' On," by Rascal Flats, that is very much in keeping with what you've written. Some of the lyrics:
"I've lived in this place and I know all the faces.
Each one is different, but they're always the same.
They mean me no harm, but it's time that I face it:
They'll never allow me to change.
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong.
I'm movin' on."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1bxlDAjGCo
I'm at that "crossroads" again in my life. If I were able, I'd move to a place where I know no one, and no one knows me, and start over again. It will happen at the time it's supposed to, I guess.
Great post.
San # 21. September 2009, 03:23
Crossroads times are difficult, scary but exciting too. You're right, it will happen when it's supposed too. Good luck.
David Scott Aubrey # 22. September 2009, 01:16
Louis # 22. September 2009, 23:34
Even if I share a lot of my personal stuff on my blog, no one of my friends or relative reads it. For me Opera is like a different country with a different language, I can be myself there without worrying what people will think about me.
But I have a problem with Facebook(I'm not a member and I don't think I will ever be) because I see too many people isolate themselves with it or expose themselves too much for nothing. Just last week, someone denounce one of my employee to me when he read on Facebook that he was going to do something wrong! Why put your job in jeopardy by writing too much informations on your Facebook!? I don't want my boss, my employees or my ex to know what's going on in my life.
If I want to know how my friends are doing, I call them or I visit them. I already hate having to email someone instead of speaking to them, I don't need another impersonal way to contact the people I like and I have no envy to find people I intentionally lost contact with them. If there were that important, I would have find a way to keep contact with them!
Oh sorry, I almost wrote an entire post instead of a comment!
Anyway, good post San!
San # 23. September 2009, 01:43
San # 28. September 2009, 06:23
daxonmacs # 10. October 2009, 00:29
I do believe that clinging to the past ( and thus our high school friends and "that life" ) keeps us from changing, moving forwards, evidently.
I can relate to the difficulty of being one's self, I still experience the pressure or rather expectations of the community, once I step outside the door.
I decided not to care too much about it.
It has somewhat branded me as "unusual".
Whatever.
Liked the post.
San # 10. October 2009, 05:06