I'm trying

Sometimes I wonder if I should just throw caution to the wind and spill all on my blog. I had certain reasons for starting this blog but now I continue for other reasons. One big reason is that I can look back at posts and remember what was going on in my life then. Is that a good thing? I have over 20 diaries in my closet that I never look at. One reason is that my handwriting is so poor. lol. It's so difficult to read them. Even though I don't talk about really intimate things here on Opera, by reading old posts I can recall the details I left out.

There are a few people here on Opera who write really personally. I wish I could express my inner thoughts in that way. Sometimes.

Do you realize that every picture I post, every cartoon, blog quiz, song, poem, meaningful conversation has deep thought behind it? It may not seem so at times. Hmm.

Yesterday I went out with a new friend, who will remain just a friend. Today I saw someone from my past who I hadn't seen for a long time, and whom I thought I'd never see again. Sigh. Hmmm. Tomorrow, I'm meeting someone I've never met before. Life is too confusing sometimes.

But, my hair looks great right now! And I'm going out soon. The night is young.

* Mercurachrome was put directly on my cuts and scrapes. Sometimes my mom or dad would paint it in the form of a bunny rabbit.
* Our water was fluoridated. ( and I have the strongest teeth because of it)
* We played outside, until after dark, unsupervised. We knew not to talk to strangers, and we knew what would happen if we did.
* I walked to school by myself in grade one. My only companion, a rock to kick. Darn thing made me late a few times.
* I never wore a bike helmet until my third decade. And I never ever wore a helmet in China!
* Regular vaccinations were the norm except for the chicken pox. I had the worst case of chicken pox and still bear the scars.
* We drank water straight from the tap, and quite often from the garden hose! And sometimes it was flavoured with Koolaid...sugar and artificial flavourings! Yum!
* White bread! Peanut butter! Bologna sandwiches! Canned spaghetti and meatballs! Canned chicken! Spam!
* Oh, no seatbelts in the backseat. We were lucky, but I bet quite a few weren't.

Can you think of any more?

1. People who feed their kids jello and Kraft Dinner as a snack and send them to their lessons with me should be reported to Social Services.

2. People who keep their snotty nose picking children home from school yet send them to lessons with me should be made to lie in a bathtub of their child's phlegm for one hour.

3. People who allow their 8 year old children to watch Twilight numerous times should be drained of all their blood.

4. People who allow their 8 year olds to wear long fake nails and sweatpants that say CUTE on the butt are just plain stupid. As HG says, "Stupid people suck".

5. People who pay me lots of money to tutor their four year old children are really really smart.

Have you ever wanted to change yourself, move away and create a new identity. Have you accomplished this?

Today on DNTO (Definitely Not the Opera) Sook Yin Lee spoke with a few people who had accomplished this, created new lives for themselves. But the most interesting conversation was with writer Peggy Orenstein about "Growing up on Facebook".

Before the Facebook and other social networking sites young adults moved away from home and from their high school friends. They went to college, did crazy things and found new friends and new lives. But now kids leave the nest and keep in touch with their pals on social networking sites. They even post the crazy things (pictures too) they do for all the world to see. Sometimes they create new identities for all to see. I don't know, I'm kind of glad I don't have any photos of my orange hair and baggy red plaid pants let alone some of the silliness encountered in art school. I don't regret any of it but I'm glad there is no permanent record of my embarrassing situations and young adult angst. Isn't that why kids move away from home, so they can find out who they really are away from people who think they know who they are? I don't keep in touch with anyone from highschool and I don't feel sad about that at all.

Another thing talked about on the show was this fear of loneliness we all have. Facebook takes that all away. When going through a tough time instead of learning to be introspective all you have to do is post your feelings and not feel lonely. But does it really help? Do you grow from that experience? Moving away from home can be terrifying. The homesickness felt is a kind of culture shock. When a mother bear knows her cubs are ready to be on their own she kicks them out, runs them up a tree and leaves. Not saying that we need to be so harsh. Just saying that a little isolation is vital for personal growth.

When I first moved to Vancouver in my twenties I was so miserable and lonely! I made new friends, fell in love, but I was still lonely. I remember writing 20 page letters to one of my good friends. After a few years I then moved to Montreal. At first it was really scary but then I found that because no one really knew me there, I felt I could be myself. Again I wrote 20 page letters to one of my friends. (I wonder if he kept them?) Though it was cathartic I am so glad that only he read my personal thoughts. And then I moved back home and again I felt lost and lonely. A reverse culture shock. I had grown and changed and the people I knew had also changed. I found it difficult to relate to them. But, then I had an opportunity to work in China and decided to go. But really that was the best move I ever made. Absolutely no one knew me there! I was free! Not stuck in that role of shy girl, I was forced to be the gregarious foreign teacher willing to sing karaoke at the drop of a hat.

And now I'm back home again and now I think I know who I really am. Though sometimes I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I can't imagine how this all could of happened if I had people following my every move. Mistakes happen. Life happens. Change is enivitable. Yes you can change yourself, but it's a lot easier away from people who know you.

When I was younger I always felt I was someone different at home, someone else with my friends and lord who knows who at work. Now this person is one and the same. I don't know if I could've done this under the watchful eye of the internet. Sometimes I think I should divulge more personal things on my blog, but really, I'm happy that most of my life remains private. There are few here that really know me, and that's just fine!


****I'm not criticizing people for being on Facebook! Just wondering about the effects of internet networking on the growth of young people****

So my landlords have decided to put the house up for sale. They assume the new owners would want to keep me as a tenant, but I'm not so sure. In fact, all the "what ifs" are big enough, that I don't want to be stuck here with no good apartment prospects. This is the time to be looking I think.

What if?

The new owners have children. It will be too noisy. The floors are too creaky as it is.
They have a big ugly dog.
They decide to raise the rent.
They are not quiet, have big dinner parties all the time.
Have a big SUV that takes up the whole parking space.
Want me to pay utilities and internet costs
Are stingy with the heat.
I just don't like them.
They smell weird.
They are noisy canoodlers.
Have a big ugly cat.
They don't want a tenant.

Okay, send positive vibes for finding a great new apartment! It will happen!