I'm trying

Today I lost my patience with a student. He was being increasingly rude, interrupting and deliberately defying me. The program I use to teach dyslexic students to read is very systematic and repetitive in a lot of ways. Kids with learning disabilities need a lot of repetition and overlearning of concepts. We also make sure that each task is learned with all the student's senses. This is called a multisensory approach. Now, though some drills are very repetitive and dare I say, boring, they really work because they force automaticity, so the student doesn't have to always think...hmmm what sound does that letter make? It's something that most of learn on our own. Anyway, though there are a lot of drills there is also a lot of variety and creativity involved. We attempt to teach the "whole" student, addressing all his personal needs. When a student repeatedly makes an error, we correct it immediately, and then have them do certain techniques to help them remember it next time. This student refused to do it, and then he wouldn't say the sounds aloud. Told me, "I'm saying them in my head."

Well, another part of this program is that we believe that dyslexics are extremely intelligent and have their own ways of learning. So, when they want to know why, we tell them why. So, as before I explained to him why we have to do this certain technique. He then turned his whole body away from me, (strong body language!) and threw the card up in the air, as if, what do I care, I'm not listening. LA LA LA.

I lost it. Didn't yell, but I used my FIRM voice. I've used it before with him when he begins to push the boundaries of my patience. I've made him cry a few times. Believe me, I'm not the only one who has made him cry. Sometimes I think, he lets those little tears roll down his face to get me to feel sorry for him. And then I think, well, he has not really learned a better way of coping, or expressing himself. Anyway, he shut down. Buried his head, and sulked for a good ten minutes. I didn't know what to do.

Finally, I started chit chatting. Asked him when his birthday was. It at least broke the ice. I asked him how he was feeling. But he couldn't tell me. He asked for a piece of paper and proceeded to draw for little faces all with different expressions. He then asked me to point to the one I thought he was. The little sad face of course.

I drew my own set of faces and asked him to point to the one I was. The frustrated one of course. Then we had a little talk about how each of us could prevent the other from having these negative faces. He told me that he would try to listen next time but he wasn't promising anything. I did the same.

Later on, I told one of my colleagues what had happened. Because she has a degree in sociology she was able to shed some insight on the incident. She figures his behaviour is cultural. That he doesn't even realize he is being rude because in his family these kinds of actions are acceptable among males. Ok. That I can understand. But is it acceptable? In my mind he needs to know that if he acts that way towards people outside his culture he is going to be faced with negativity. But, can I change him?

So one of my students comes in , sits down and right away says, "Can we do something for Mother's Day?" I actually had this option prepared, but wasn't sure he would go for it considering he is preteen, and has more than a few issues (everything in the world sucks), one being that his parents are divorced. Anyway, of course I said sure, and we started on his suggestion right away, even before all the drills I'm supposed to do.

Well, he starts writing a kind of poem for his mom. Then he stops. Looks at me, and I can see his mood changing. He says, "You know , my teacher won't even let us do this in school. She says we should take the responsibility for ourselves and that she won't give us time to do it." I told him I didn't think that was fair, although I believed that yes you should take that responsibility, for sure. But, I'm thinking, you are just a kid. You don't know about the "r" word yet do you? Some kids need to be prompted about that sort of stuff. And other kids do know about it, but like him, they just feel so anxious and can't act the way they are "supposed" to. Teachers who teach this age group have to be a bit more sensitive than that. This is the time when young people are starting to become more independent, starting to question authority and their own beliefs. Come on, give them a little support . Grrr.

Anyway, he then all of a sudden, crumples up the paper. I stop and glare at him, "What are you doing?"

"Don't want to do it after all."

"Why not?"

"Don't know, just don't want to."

"Ok. It's up to you. Let's get on with the lesson. Spelling now."

He glares at me and then goes into the garbage and takes out the crumpled paper. "Okay I'll do it then."

"So what's the problem? Why are you mad?"

"So, like last year, I graduated from my old school and they gave us flowers to give to our moms. And when they did that, I was like walking back and forth, wondering which mom to give them to. Can you imagine how stupid I felt? I went to my 'real' mom and she said, it's okay dear, you give it to 'M'. She'll love it." (What a wonderful woman!)

Anyway he then goes on to tell me how he can't make the same card for both of his moms and he doesn't know what to do, because it's too much work. Poor kid. I later talked to my boss about it, and I guess his mom and his stepmom both get along and really support him. It's actually the father that won't talk to his 'ex'. And this is contrary to what my student said, that his moms don't get along. Apparently, when there is a problem at school, or at our centre, the two moms get together and work it out for his benefit and the dad doesn't do a thing.

So, in that hour we managed to make two cards, both different for his two moms, who I can now see he loves both dearly. He must be so torn up inside. What kid wouldn't love his biological mom a bit more, though his stepmom seems to be a real gem too. He's lucky for that I guess, but right now, he really needs a strong father eh? Sigh.

Staying in tonight; boring? Nope. Got Lola, some dvd's from the library (Pollock, Kate and Leopold and a documentary) , a small drink (gotta swim tomorrow morning!) and a clear mind.

My students were rough on me today, it's Friday of course. But I hate that we use Friday as an excuse for poor behaviour. It's almost like, okay, it's a full moon, go ahead and howl, rape and pillage, we'll forgive you. Well, maybe not that bad.

Anyway, the highlight was this...one of my students has written his own comic book. Sometimes some of the things we do to teach kids to read and write using this special program are pretty boring, especially after the students have been sitting all day in school. Anyway, it's taken about two months, but he's finally written, edited and illustrated this story book. And today thanks to Audacity , (what a great program), I had him record a reading of it complete with sound effects. That way, other kids can read along with it. He also wrote a song about the main character, and he recorded that as well. Can you believe it? Now he wants to download this program to use at home. All I can say with a big smile is YAY! He, like so many kids plays way too many computer/video games, so I'm hoping this will be a little creative outlet for him. And I'm hoping it will motivate my other students as well, ones that don't trust that what I'm doing, all these boring little drills and such, will lead to something creative and fun and cool. Wish I had had a computer when I was young!

I'll always remember my little brother and I recording radio plays, or reading from story books onto dad's tape recorder. One Christmas I bought my brother a record of "sound effects of death and horror"! (Yes, it's sick and politically incorrect ) Anyway, we had fun creating stories with that! We even made an animated cartoon with the slide projector. (Jacques Crouton and the Seven Seas Salad.) Am I that old? Nah.

Oh so where is this all leading? Well, my bosses also want me to write the curriculum for a writing workshop and they want it all in neat little compartmentalized lesson plans. But I'm having a hard time finishing it because I don't work like that. How will I know where things will take us in a lesson? If I follow things to the letter, where is the room for creativity? I've got the lessons all lined out and some of the worksheets done, but "grrr" I'm not happy with it. It's too stiff. Well, I'll write it all proper-like and then I'll probably just go and teach it like I do anyway. I know what I'm doing...but I don't know how to explain how it all works. But it does. Unstiff. Okay, back to the movie. Oh, Meg Ryan's hair looks great, hmmm.

OUCH, Lola just bit me. Grrr.

Today was a swim day. Things are improving, slowly. Some days I feel like I've just about got it , the light bulb has clicked on and everything is coming together. I'll have that one perfect length and then it all falls apart. That's when I turn my head to breathe and see coach mimicking my stroke, so I know I'm doing something wrong. Higher elbows. So I do the high elbows. Very good. Next length. Breathe, look sideways and it's keep your head down. So I do it. Very good very good. Next length, kick harder. Next length, keep your hand more straight. And then you have to keep all those things together! And then he makes us do all these drills and it just feels all weird. But then, it happens, and for one short length it's like a dance and you got the rhythm! Sometimes it's frustrating but I trust my coach and so I listen to him and do what he says. Very good very good. (with deep Russian accent)

Today was also a work day. A reading day. And one of my students finally got it. Four months ago he was illiterate and today was the first day he actually read a page and understood it. I wish I could explain that moment of illumination. All of a sudden he rolled his eyes and looked to the top left corner, hesitated and then continued reading. (Very good very good.) It's taken months of building up small skills one by one, and constantly reaffirming and building trust. Most days he says he hates me but I just tell him that somedays I don't like him very much either, and then we get back to work. It's a tedious process and sometimes the students don't understand how it's going to help them to read. But I know if they stick with it long enough and trust me, they will do it. As my student left today, I heard him say to his dad, "I think I'll keep coming here, I'm finally getting the rhythm now."

Today is all about procrastination.

The weather was glorious when I first woke up but now it has turned. Windy, rainy, the leaves on the huge dutch maple out front are blowing down.

I was going to go out for a walk to clear my mind but decided to do the Sunday ritual clean up instead. Now that's done. Couldn't vacuum because that would wake Lola. Musn't wake Lola.

I should be planning a project for work that I should've worked on at work but found other things to do intstead. Now, the deadline for my first meeting with my bosses is fast approaching (this Friday) and I have only completed 1/6 of the outline. Well, no lessons this Tuesday because of Halloween so maybe I'll be able to catch up then. I've just been so busy with everything that I don't feel very creative at all. The project is a writing workshop for 9-10 year olds. It's not that difficult to imagine, but its the format that I have to follow that has bound me up. How to plan this workshop over 32 neat little packaged lessons? Learning is never a tidy process in my mind.

Okay, I'm going out for a walk now. The storm has calmed. By the seawall, maybe the wind and salt air will blow some ideas my way.

Oh no...now the Vinyl Cafe is on CBC...oh dear what to do what to do? Maybe I can listen to it on the internet later...hmmm