I'm trying

I hate this new Opera bug. When you update an old post it goes to the front of the line now. This is very frustrating. Especially since all I updated was a photo which a monkey had substituted for some reason. Now I can't even put the old photo in . It also updates to the front of the line if I update something minor, like a spelling mistake. This is silly.

Three years ago today I made my first blog post on Opera when I found myself isolated in a large oceanside Chinese city. Teaching English to spoiled rich kids. Living in a dungeon of an apartment where spiders as big as a CD cover lived. Where I had to climb I can't remember how many steps to get to my room. 300? I did that at least 6 times a day. I was recovering from a broken foot . My students would bring me Chinese medicine to bring down the swelling from all that climbing. The best thing about the experience? Well, some of the students, but mostly the opportunity to become a hermit and isolate myself from the world I had left. I didn't want to face people who wanted to know what happened and why.


I had been to China three times previously and had enjoyed it immensely. This time I went back out of neccessity, to pay off some debts incurred and to escape someone who had imprisoned my mind and soul with a lie of love. When I tell people the details of the story they really can't believe it. But I can look back clearly at it now and I can see I had no choice, and this was the best solution I could come up with at the time. Sometimes non action is not enough. Sometimes there are problems so great you cannot talk through them to solve them. Sometimes direct action is needed.
I didn't start my blog right away but waited a few months. At first I only posted some short paragraphs and uploaded some pictures. Actually, taking the pictures of this new city helped me get out of my head and to observe the world around me more closely. At first, I had no comments. I didn't really care, it was nice to be anonymous. And then slowly the comments came. I think it was Izzy, then JCL, Andy and Hungryghost. Then Louis and Aya. I started discovering the Opera community and reading other members' blogs. Some of us started a new club . Though I had never met any of these people in person they made me feel a little less lonely while I was shut away in my tower.

There are times that I miss China. Every few months I teach a seminar to adults wanting to go abroad and teach ESL. I tell them of my crazy experiences there. I loved that there was always newness in every situation. Whatever you may think about China, honestly you don't know anything about it until you have lived there. It's a place that makes you appreciate life. There is no place like it.

But I came back with a new strength , determined to make a new life. I've rediscovered the beauty of where I was born, the clean air, forests, mountains , lakes. I've found a job that I'm really confident with. I've reconnected with family and friends and have made a few new ones. The only piece missing is a new love. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Honestly, the only real love I have ever had is from my family and my good friends and my cat. But it's real and I'm not sad about it. Is romantic love true anyway? It is so fickle and brings power struggles and grief. Don't tell me it doesn't! And only with the determined and the passage of time does it grow into anything true. Oh, that's for another post.

And so it continues. Where is it all leading?

I can't seem to load pictures properly to my blog today. I hope this is a temporary problem. I can load the photos but then only part of them shows, and they seem to be zoomed in as well. As well, with my new blog design, all the pictures and images are too big and are only partially shown. I have been using the same resolution and image size as before. Anyone else having this problem?

So the finalists have been chosen for the Opera awards. It's kind of strange this year, the method of voting. If you go to the home page you can see for yourself. I find it a little intrusive to see the results right away. To me, this kind of voting really fuels the ego, fueling the ego is never a good thing. It pumps up those whose blogs are popular; they can see how many votes they are ahead of everyone else. And it depresses those who though they may have high quality blogs with original thoughts, are not getting the numbers of the others. Also, there are so many finalists, not just 5 or 6 like last year, but over 20; it seems like everyone was initially nominated. What's up with that? Anyway, to me it's all a little strange, I don't really care who wins now. Sorry to rain on anyone's parade. So, I'll just keep blogging in my own way, and keep faithful to reading my friends' blogs here.

Hah. Challenge me will you! And to continue...I dare all of you to post a picture of yourself at 12 years old! This one is on my sister's wedding day. Twelve years old. My mom made that dress. Nice hair eh? I wonder what year that was?