Saysame (Says-a-me)

2011 Oct 03, My sister and I went on a three day apple fast. It was different experience this time with both of us doing the fast as usually I’m doing it by myself, while the other person is preparing cooked meals, whose smells make you hungry. I was surprised as usually on the second day of the fast, my Body was going through stuff, but that was not the case this time. After my apple supper on the last evening of the fast, I began to have severe pain in my lower back, groin and hips. It carried on all evening as I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable and some sleep. I didn’t get any relief until dawn, and by the time I got up, 90% of the pain was gone.

2011 Oct 04 I had my teeth cleaned a few weeks ago and today I went back to get a couple of fillings re-done. When I had my teeth cleaned the hygienist cut my inner gum that later became infected. It took me a couple of weeks to clear up the infection using salt. When I went back today to get the fillings replaced, I let them know what they had done and that I was not a happy camper

2011 Jan 08 8:36 am While sex is meant to be an expression of love between a man and a woman, sex has, and is, being used as an expression of power and control. I was thinking of my past life as Caesar and my relationship with Cleopatra (a much younger woman) a fragment of whom I have met in this lifetime. While not the same, the circumstances regarding our relationship were similar. In that past life, the issues were all about power and control, on both sides, as both parties were using each other and stroking theirs and each other’s altered egos, fanning the flames of passion and desire with denied rage that was lusting for power, glory and grandeur. Sex was used as the tool to achieve each other’s goals

For a man, a younger woman is a way to try to recapture their youth, along with her being a prized possession, a trophy, to be put on display. There is also a feeling of being needed, and of being a protector, a knight in shining armor. For a woman, an older man is a way to feel safe, secure and protected, and feeling less threatened by her loss of beauty. Being on display draws attention to her that she also desires. Wow! This is BIG! There’s more, a lot more, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

9:17 am While power and control seem to be the issue, what’s under this superficial struggle is denied fear and terror of loss of power and control. I was just thinking that the biggest terror a man faces is losing his virility and ability to perform the sexual act, (Hummm? Good choice of words… ACT) because an erection is a symbol of power, the lack of one means the opposite. A woman doesn’t have to physically “perform” as a man does, as she can fake an orgasm, while a man can’t fake an erection. For a woman, her silent and denied terror is in losing her beauty and sex appeal, her ability to attract a man, and so losing her beauty is her symbol of a loss of power. I was thinking of all the media hype about women looking beautiful and men keeping their virility, and how all sex is really in denial and denied rage, vying for power and control. It’s all there, wrapped up in old imprints, programs and beliefs.

Beside the mental “feel good” feelings of accomplishment, and of having power and control, there is also the Body’s “feel good” sensations released by the endorphins during a sexual climax that add merit to the mental judgments already in place. Sex is used as a temporary “quick fix” for whatever the denied rage thinks it needs to release the pressure it is feeling of having no control. When denied rage explodes in a man, and because a man is bigger and stronger than a woman, rape is usually the outcome.

As a side note, I said man and a woman as any gay or lesbian I’ve met and worked with has had some form of sexual abuse in their early childhood that has altered their gender choice. That is not to say that the same power play scenarios I mentioned, don’t also play out in gay arrangements.

2010 Feb 24 4:45 a.m. I've been feeling tired for the last couple of weeks and have been sleeping in, sometimes 8:45 a.m.. I thought back to how I felt the same when I had an issue with Hypothyroidism. Post 219 My issues are in my Tissues. I've had a craving for cabbage, and I even bought a head a couple of weeks ago, but I haven't eaten any of it as I know that it was associated with causing my Hypothyroidism. I decided to check the Internet for foods that can help me overcome this condition and while I didn't find a list of foods, that help prevent Hypothyroidism, other than Brazil nuts that contain selenium, I did find an extended list of foods, besides cabbage, that aggravate Hypothyroidism. The other foods are broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower and peanuts. And guess what? These are the very foods that I've also been craving and eating a lot of recently.

It's like my body craves what is bad for it, go figure! Hummm! Is just like a love starved person craving love and acceptance, that will do anything, just to feel they are loved, even if they are mentally, emotionally and physically abused. They are attracted to what is harmful, like a moth to a flame, unaware that they are abusing and hurting themselves. So what is my body telling me? What am I missing

7:15 a.m. Of course this is all reversed, just like the other things in our life. If we desire to be carefree and in control of our lives, the underlying issue that we don't want to feel and deal with is that of being confined, limited and not in control. If we have a desire for companionship, to be with others, our real issue is that we don't want to be alone and all the feelings that go with that. Wanting to exercise and be fit, lose weight or whatever judgment we have that we feel we need to make us feel good has underlying issues that are opposite. The irony is that we don't solve or heal our issues by doing what we think makes us happy, but by doing the opposite and by going into what makes us unhappy.

In the same way, we don't heal or do our Body any good by doing what we think is good for it and makes it feel good; we need to find the underlying cause of why it desires what it does. Instead of giving our body what it thinks it wants and needs, we need to look at and give it the opposite, and at the same time find the underlying cause of what it is trying to avoid or deny..... Hummm? That means finding the organ, tissue, muscles and bones etc. that are holding repressed emotions that the body and mind don't want to feel. Once found, these emotions need to be accepted and released and then the negative denial energy that is being stored in the body can be released.

7:41 a.m. I need to look for the opposite or why it craves that specific food, and also find the hidden denials that are covering up the real issues. I also need to find out what chemicals are in the food and what organs they stimulate or repress. Eating a particular food is not the problem, but a constant diet of those foods is, as in that there is no balance. It sounds easy, but this is going to be tough.

9:45 a.m. this issue is complicated as what is also involved is our bodies desire for what it needs to maintain health and life. Body needs water, but the body doesn't need coffee, tea, beer, wine, carbonated beverages, or shooters etc.. The body needs food, but the body doesn't need any particular food or brand name, nor does it need a particular amount of food to satisfy its needs. Habits are to the body, what judgments are to the mind is a quote that I remember reading in right use of will.

JR

Dec 25 7:02 am I feel there is something inside me that is attacking me on all levels, attacking me from the inside out and that is what my body is reflecting to me. This thing is, and has been attacking me mentally, emotionally and physically, and it’s my physical body that is now showing signs, the scars of this inner battle through aging and disease. This thing inside me is unloving light that has been fueled by my ignorance and denials. (I just went blank, it's like someone is trying to stop me)

It doesn’t want me to know the truth of what it is and how to get it out of me as that would end its ability to control and feed off of me. It also fears that if it loses one, it will lose all [the shepherd and the flock] and so….. (I went blank again)

I’m now thinking of the Garden of Eden and how Adam and Eve were told not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil that was in the middle of the garden along with the tree of life. I feel that the knowledge of good and evil also related to the tree of life. I’ll have to check that out in the Old Testament… (Blank again)

King James Version
Genesis 2:9 And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: 17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Genesis 3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: 23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. 24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life

I read the above verses and like everything else in the bible, (and other books) there are a lot of conflicting statements which I feel are intentionally meant to confuse and befuddle, to keep one ignorant, and therefore be a self fulfilling prophecy. Self-empowerment is all about challenging ones beliefs, not defending them and so I now search for a link between “the knowledge of good and evil” (which I have done in part with my healing experiences and “the tree of life,” that of healing my Body and eliminate aging.

I know that this light is Luciferian, of unlovingness, denials, power, control, judgments and that it is attached to me, in me, not just now in this life time, but that it has been for all existence, just as it has been to God. (another blank)

Hummmm? I just flashed to a post I read on facebook that resonated with me. It said, “Birth is Spirit becoming physical.” So maybe it’s not the physical body that I need to focus on, but on Spirit and releasing the old imprints, programs and beliefs that have been controlling all the other aspects of my being, my Mind, Will, Heart and Body. In as much as I’ve begun to release my Spirit [Minds] control of my Will to heal my personal lost Will, now I have to do the same with my Spirit, to recover lost Spirit and also Heart; and in the process, I’ll also be freeing my physical body of the unloving light its been holding that is causing illness and aging. My physical body is showing me the symptoms of what is wrong, what it is holding, it is not the cause of what is wrong with it. Aging and disease is not natural, nor is death and natural part of life as death is not a choice for those that desire life.

JR

’09 Dec. 20 8:31 am (Referring to Post 571 Kidney Infection) I just realized what I’m pissed off at, I'm angry at my body. My body has failed to perform in the way I expect it to, the way it has been doing. In past years, my bodies energy level has been for the most part above the baseline in the drawing, but this year it’s been below the line with only a few times where my body and energy level have been above the line, where I have felt good and had the energy to do what I want that includes exercise, walking, biking etc..

Added to the problems of a depleted energy level, I also have had issues with my teeth and eyes and the frustration that I can’t do what I used to do, knowing that my body is failing, (GOFA - Getting Old Falling Apart) and I feel powerless to do anything about it.

Another thing that I’m pissed off at is that because I don’t feel good and healthy, I feel mentally off, sluggish, and lethargic. I find it difficult to concentrate on editing my books. Because my body doesn’t have the energy I can only focus for our short time before I feel exhausted and need to take a break. When I get back to my book, I have to go back and collect my thoughts and it’s like one step forward and two steps back. So in denial, because I don’t want to feel frustrated, I’ve been doing other little things that are not important but are ones that I can complete and feel good about.

JR

Conscious but paralysed: Belgian 'coma' case not unique


Josephine Nicolaas-Houben, mother of Rom Houben, giving him something to drink. Houben, a Belgian man thought to have been in a coma for 23 years has told of his 'second birth' after doctors realized he was in fact conscious. The story revives the debate on care for those considered in a vegetative state, with the astonishing case far from unique according to a recent study. Photo:Michel Krakowski/AFP


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Makes you wonder about people that are medically considered dead and are kept on life support so that their organs can be harvested, keeping the heart until last, as blood is needed to keep the other organs alive. The only reason that doctors are harvesting the organs is because they are still ALIVE, if they weren't “alive” there would be no RUSH to transplant them.

Doing an autopsy or harvesting organs would be similar to what this man experienced, of being conscious and aware, but not having the means to communicate. Being cut and disemboweled while alive has got to be the most terrifying and excruciating painful experience that a person can experience.

The old ritual of leaving the body intact and waiting for three to five days before burial is for a good reason, as it takes that long for the Soul essence to leave the last parts of the Body that then begins to decay and return to the elements that it was composed of. It’s then and only then that a Body can be compassionately laid to rest.

There are also stories of people that have received organ transplants that have had memories and emotions of the organ doner. If the person from which the organ was taken was truly dead, then there would be no mental or emotional essence attached to the organ.

Food for thought.
JR

’09 June 25 Thursday 5: 12 a.m. Not wanting to be sick, weak, or old is hating the body for holding and expressing what it is, in the same way that not wanting to feel any negative emotions that the Will is holding. Not liking any part of my body is rejecting it and if I'm rejecting it, denying it, then what I’m allowing to enter my Body is unloving light and death, instead of loving light and life.

I've been feeling off for a while now and I haven't been walking or exercising and this morning I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I have a sore throat, my bones are aching and I'm running a temperature. All I can think of is that I don't want to be sick and also that this is the same way that I used to treat my Will. If I don't want to feel this, I have to fix it. Trouble is that my first thought is for a quick fix, but I know that a quick fix solution doesn't solve the problem but only offers a temporary solution. What I need to do is to find the underlying cause of why I feel this way, of what my body is holding. So while healing the body may sound like loving intent, the intent is bent if it is just focusing on the superficial issues and not addressing the underlying cause of why the body is the way it is.

Note: Michael Jackson (50 years old) and Farrah Fawcett (62 years old) both died today MJ of a suspected heart attack and Farrah Fawcett of colon cancer.

JR

June 20 3:23 a.m. There are two deaths we face, one is the death of our physical Body and the other is the death of our Spiritual Essence our Spirit and Soul, which is also related to the physical death. Both deaths are created by denial, as denial of any part of our Essence leads to death of the physical Body, and death of the physical Body leads to death of Essence. It’s a vicious cycle and we have up till now, been slowly spiraling downward, losing more and more of our essence every time we reincarnate to try to recover our lost essence. Because we have been unaware of the unseen role of denial that was creating death and all the issues we face in what we call life.

JR

’09 June 03 I just got the “feeling” significance of why the medical community called people with so-called negative emotions as having a “Mental problem.” This is not “new” to me but today I felt it on many levels. It’s because the people that are in a position of authority and power are of the Spirit polarity, or are denial Spirits that don’t have feelings and emotions. To them, it’s mind over matter and emotions and feelings are not part of the equation, so it’s easy for them to succeed and have a good life, as they are not affected by feeling and emotions, only pleasing sensations that the Body feels is their measure of happiness that they call love.

They think that having a positive attitude and being determined will enable you to get want you want and make you happy. Happiness to them is a state of Mind and also the “feel good” sensation of the body. This ties into my previous post 449 False love – Self –gratification. There is no “emotional” connection to anything or anyone. They are only around as long as you or it serves their purpose of self-gratification, to make them happy and if they get “bored,” they move on to find new excitement. When you try to feel an emotional connection with these people you feel nothing, and that is because there is “nothing” to feel. But instead of trusting their feelings and intuition, and giving them the benefit of the doubt, they trust the person that is using and abusing them, because they are good “emotional” actors and know how an when to say the right words to keep under their control.

JR

‘09 May 22 ‘09 May 20 Without the feelings and emotions of the Will, all that our Spirit (Mind) would experience would be the feelings and sensations of our Body where the feeling of excitement would take the place of the feelings of joy. The Body feelings and euphoric sensations are produced by the release of endorphins and other chemicals like adrenaline that creates a nervous excitement where one gets an adrenaline rush and then when we have pushed our Body too far, we feel tired and exhausted. There are also other sensations that we pick up with our bodies senses of sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. We also have various feelings of pain that the body feels when it is being abused. Sex and the physical sensations associated with it bring the most of the bodies feelings into play as a sexual climax or orgasm is one of our bodies most pleasurable feeling sensation. We use the Body to feel good and to give us pleasure and to take us out of what the Will based feelings and emotions that we have no acceptance for.

Mind uses the Body to avoid and deny any feelings and emotions that it doesn’t want to feel. It uses the Body to give it things that bring it pleasure, like eating, drinking, drugs, working, exercise, sex, hobbies, sleep, radio, TV, etc. All are forms denial and avoidance when the Mind uses the Body to escape the feelings and emotions of the Will that are trying to surface.

I feel that the Body has no real say in what it does or doesn’t want to do, as it is the Mind that is in control. The body also holds the emotions that are denied expression by the Mind as they have no place else to go. The Body not only holds the denied emotions but also the energy of others that was taken in when denial of the Will occurred. It is these denied reversed polarity energies that create dis-ease in the Body that then tries to release what it is holding by bringing awareness to the Mind of the feelings and emotions it has denied. When the Mind is closed and in denial to receiving any input from the Will or Body, it is caught in the unloving light of denial and all aspects of self, Spirit, Will, Heart and Body spiral towards death, and the loss of consciousness.

Unfortunately we use the words “feel” and “feelings” to describe to describe the Minds desire, the Body’s feelings and sensations as well as the Will’s feelings and emotions. Each is independent, yet they are intrinsically connected, and what happens to one, happens to all. Statements like:

Mind: I feel like going for a walk.
Body:I feel too tired to go for a walk, I’m thirsty.
Will: I feel uncomfortable going for a walk alone.
Mind:, Body: and Will:.... I feel tense and nervous, my hand is shaking. I’m afraid to go for a walk alone at night. I think I’ll watch TV.

As you can see, some feelings are associated with, Mind, others with Body and still others with Will, and then they are also expressed collectively. It’s no wonder that we are confused when we talk about feelings and emotions.

JR

’08 Dec 26 I was reading a post in the Chakra tribe and was fascinated by the part truths that were being presented and how the people were saying one thing, but not able to connect the dots and then say something contradictory without evening realizing their contradiction, claiming instead that it was another truth. I had no desire to get involved in this fuzzy logic discussion as my point-of-view would have been missed anyway, and seen as an attack on their beliefs and judgments and on their good character and reputation.

What was basically being presented was that “thoughts” are energy, and that emotions and especially negative ones, are the result of a chemical imbalances in our body, that can be controlled by the use of such “energy” tools as physical adjustments such as acupressure and acupuncture in working with the energy meridians of the body, or by attuning the chakras, with various forms of energy work like Reiki.

What a twisted presentation! We are a spiritual “energy” being having a physical experience. Thoughts, emotions, our physical body, and all physical matter is made of energy and matter and energy are interchangeable as that is a well known scientific fact. It’s a combination of the simplistic and ignorant view of the present day medical community that labels emotions a construct of the Mind and that negative emotions are the result of chemical imbalances in the body, with that of old metaphysical dogma and techniques that really puts a twisted spin on what should be obvious to a real thinker and searcher of truth.

If everything is a form of energy, of vibration, then any imbalance within our physical body, or dis-ease, chemical or alignment has also got to be the result of a form of energy that is not aligned with our neutral or balanced state of being. It’s this energy imbalance that results in dis-ease, chemical imbalances and misalignments in our body and not the other way around,d even if metaphysical are introduced, they are, like the present day medical community, still treating the symptom and not addressing the real cause.

A closed mind looks for and re-acts to the symptoms while an open mind, responds and looks for the cause. A closed mind defends its beliefs and judgments, while and open mind challenges them.

JR

’08 Sept 23 Tuesday 7:33 am I was thinking of form and body and the two dimensions of length and width and how they occupy space and form, yet lack depth. When you add the third dimension of height, now the form “pops” up to fill space in a totally different new way, where you can see the details of its form. Now the fourth dimension is time, and when you give the three dimensional object the ability to move, to animate and express itself in relationship to everything else that exists in all four dimensions.

So our physical reality has four dimensions, but, within that reality, there are also (simultaneously) other realities that are non-physical, that are linked to the physical.

Energy is not matter yet it can move as physical matter when in a physical conductor. Our Spiritual essence is non-physical matter, yet it is a part of our physical being that animates it and gives it life to experience itself. Energy from our combined Spiritual essence of Mind, Will, Heart, and Body form our physical Body.

Hummm? Without a form or Body, Mind, Will and Heart could not exist. Space needs to “open” so that our form can expand to create length, width and height to the being. That also means that without space opening for form or Body, there would be no time with which to experience physical reality, as all time would be one trapped in a stationery moment, frozen in time so to speak. .

Science defines Energy as a (Wave) and matter as a (Particle) that are interchangeable, that can be one or the other. (I’m seeing concept of wave and particle as a wave on a body of water.) For that to be possible, there has to be the opening of space and the dimension of time so that the movement can take place. Hummm? I’m missing something here?

A (wave) has a frequency and it also has an amplitude which gives it two dimensions. A wave can also be formed in any direction, so it has a third dimension and combined with movement, gives it the fourth dimension characteristic.

A particle (water) is also four dimensional, so if a wave and a particle have fourth dimensional qualities, that means that any and all energy has form (particle) and the only differentiation is the frequency, or vibration of the energy that also affects the density of the form or particle.

Hummm? I feel this is somehow connected to Lucifer, Rage, and also Heart, but I don’t know how in this moment. Denial denses up energy and matter. Living essence taking in hate (by denial) shrinks and compresses itself and in doing that it also becomes denser. Heart (Love) seeks to expand, while Hate seeks to control expansion and compress. If the Will opens space and time, she can only do that if Heart (love) is present as denial (hate) has no acceptance for expansion.

OK, thinking out loud here; going back to original cause when God (Spirit) was first becoming aware of himself and then the Will, when he unintentionally, on a wave of hate, fragmented a piece of himself, and sent out a rage fragment to stop the Will, and then later, he fragmented again and sent out Lucifer to attack and control the “thing” as he called Will, then when it was moving and annoying him, and disturbing his reverie. That “hate” had no heart presence, as all it wanted, and still wants to do, is to stop, control and compress any Will that seeks to move and expand. Hate is death; it’s the opposite of Love or life (acceptance, compassion, movement, expansion, growth, experience.)

So now, the white wizard feared the challenge of shape shifting into a rock, as that would mean becoming a lower or denser vibration, and that reminded him of Hearts experience in original cause, of being struck by a wave of hate (death) that was seeking to control, compress, and kill anything (including Heart) that was moving. That wave of hate that struck Will/Heart did lower Hearts vibration and compress it, and also killed parts of it and the Will and Will and Heart were imprinted by this experience. In the duel of magic, the White Wizard was re-acting to the imprint of feeling compressed (receiving hate) and also the imprint of expectation and failure when it was reaching for the Light that was coming toward it and was attacked for its reaching for what it thought was love. In Heart reaching for the Light the first time, and being struck by rage, that was in done in innocence, but in reaching for the light the second time, (the second strike with Lucifer) there was already the imprint of expectation and failure in place, based on the first strike. Heart was not aware of these imprints as they were unloving, but Lucifer was, and as the Dark Wizard, he knew what others didn’t.

JR

’08 Sept 04 When I was catching up on my blog last month I missed the following post. By the looks of it, I missed it on purpose as it ties into what is going on now…

‘08 July 08 I just realized that we, or any physical object in the universe are conductors, conductors of Spiritual electrical and Soul (Will) magnetic energy... and that without a conductor, there is no flow, no motion and it’s the “motion” or the flow of electro-magnetic that animates life and consciousness. Wow! I feel this is BIG, but I don’t know where it’s going... yet.


Definition: Conductor: A substance that readily conducts e.g. electricity and heat. A device designed to transmit electricity, heat, etc

Denial of the Will, the magnetic energy is what limits life, the more denial; the less the Will is able to move and to keep her magnetic draw to Spirit (electric) that is forced to leave when there isn’t enough magnetic force to keep him in the physical.

When Spirit leaves, death overtakes the Body as Heart also moves out shortly after the Spirit leaves. The Will/Body, although abandoned by Spirit and Heart, are still alive (conscious) but without Spirit presence, they are unable to express and animate the Body, and so the Body appears to be life-less as there is no heartbeat, breath, or any form of body function. Slowly, as the Will consciousness leaves the Body, (days) the Body begins to decompose and return to the elements.

As a side note: The harvesting of physical organs is actually removing organs from a living conscious being that still feels pain, but is just unable to express it.

‘08 July 09 Body is the product of the movement of Spirit and the Will. Minds thoughts and ideas, and Wills desire, along with Heart presence is what creates the physical Body with which to experience the thoughts and desires. So now I’m here on Earth,(but I’m also elsewhere) experiencing life with this form or Body. To experience life, I need to have Spirit, Will and Heart as it takes all four Divine aspects to animate life, or experience and to thus gain understanding and knowing.

There’s something that I’m missing here, something BIG. I can feel it but I can’t put my finger on it. As I’m writing I feel it’s the magic of manifestation, of creating what you think and desire, not out of things that already exist, but out of nothing, of what is the VOID, the space between the things that already exist.

Ahhh! And this is where the new blueprint for creation comes from. When energy is withdrawn from the old creation, it will collapse and as it’s collapsing, a new creation (the phoenix) will rise out of its ashes. I feel I’m getting closer, but that it’s only the tip of the iceberg...

Food for thought _________ Thought for food.
JR