Saysame (Says-a-me)

I find it interesting in that after I posted Post 543 Erasing of the Minds memories I’ve been watching a few TV shows that have to do with removing another person's memory. That got me thinking as to what the message is, and what is the link between my dream and these TV shows.

My first thought was that of a person having their memories removed, but in the next instant I thought that often in the case of dreams and messages, it’s not what it appears to be, and in some cases it has to do with the opposite. That got me thinking of all the things that I have already forgotten that are no longer in my conscious mind for any number of reasons. The most prevalent reason is my Minds denial of the experiences it has had, in that it doesn’t just want to forget what it saw and heard, but also what it emotionally and physically felt. It’s not about a person or thing stealing the memories I have, it’s about recovering the memories that have already been lost by my choice.

So it’s not just lost Will (feelings and emotions) that I need to recover, but also lost Mind (thoughts and memories) that have been denied in response to denying the feelings and emotions and physical sensations. I can’t just deny the feelings and emotions and the physical sensations I experienced that I don’t want to feel and just keep the mental thoughts, as the thoughts (memories) would also remind me of the feelings. It’s a catch 22 situation. The other thing that also happens is that any other memories after the original experience that are associated with the original denied experience are also denied, so it is an accumulation of memory and Will essence loss. I just thought of senility, dementia and also Alzheimer’s that are directly related to this issue as the older we get, the more memories we lose through denial.

I intend to remember and heal all that I have been denying, mentally, emotionally and physically.
JR

’09 June 22, The old rules do not apply; they only apply to those that believe them to be their truth. I had a flash of Lucifer and the psychopathic killer creating another universe and destroying it and then Lucifer crossing back into this universe, pretending he was the 13th Archangel when really he is a differentiated aspect of God wanting to be God in this universe and all of creation.

Although love is something that we feel, the problem is that we have been told what is and isn't love or loving regardless of how it feels, and to deny our feelings and to go on what we have been taught. We think we know what love is and we even consider ourselves to be loving and even unconditionally loving. Because we don't know what love is, we also don't know what denial is in all its subtle and unseen roles, nor do we see the role that guilt and shame have in our lives and how guilt has been put in the place where love should be.

If you are a feeling an emotional person than affirmations and having a positive attitude will not help you as you are in denial of what you're really feeling and that is the part of your essence. If however, you are a spirit polarity person or a denial spirit, then affirmations and positive thinking will help you as they allow you to change your beliefs that create your reality, and because there is nothing magnetic to draw any other feelings and emotions to you, and so you are successful and in control of your life and life is good. This is also where the term survival of the fittest applies.

What God, Spirit, did to his Will unconsciously, the Angels did with conscious intent. The denial spirits, the Angels, had conscious intent to manifest without their Wills. Denial spirits need to feed off of the denials of Will spirits as they need that magnetic Will energy to keep them alive. They feel good when they are in control of others and when they aren't in control then they rage aggressively or passively aggressive to get whatever they want which is for the Will polarity spirit to deny themselves, as it is by denial that the Will polarity Spirit gives their power away.

JR

When faced with our issues, people think that if the do the opposite of what they were doing that they will have solved and healed their issue or problem. If they we in an abusive relationship they believe that the solution is to leave. If they are alcoholics, then they need to stop drinking. If they are smokers, then they need to give up cigarettes. If they are over eaters, then they need to go on a diet, and the list goes on and on.

What people fail to realize is that while they are on the right track in their thinking in that they need to do the opposite of what they have been doing, they missed the mark in that thought is only a part-truth and is NOT the solution. They have to go deeper and not just look at, and address the symptoms, but to find and address the cause. Using the smoker as an example, doing the opposite is not about quitting smoking, it’s about looking for the cause as to why they were addicted to the habit of smoking and that is doing the opposite of what they have been doing. They are using cigarettes as a means to cover up and deny the feelings and emotions that they don’t want to feel. If they were to simply stop without addressing the underlying cause, they would just find another habit or way to deny and avoid feeling what they are.

JR

’08 Aug 19 I’ve thought of writing about this before but haven’t until now. A couple of months ago Marian mentioned that she was getting a dog (standard poodle). She had a couple of dogs and cats before and had to get rid of them as she couldn’t look after them, as sometimes she is barely able to look after herself. I told her that a having a dog was a lot of work, not like a cat, that is more independent. She said that she was a lot better now and also insinuated that I was here to help her look after the dog. I told her that if she wanted a dog, that it was “her” dog and that “she” would have to look after it, feed it, clean up after it, train and bathe it, etc, etc. and that it was not my dog or my responsibility. She confidently and with a bit of sarcasm relied, “no problem, I can do it mysself.”

So she got the pup when it was 6 weeks old and has since, basically done all the work with the dog including getting up early in the morning (8:00 am is early for her as she usually got out of bed around 10:30 – 11:00 am) and going downstairs and cleaning up the mess, and then walks and feeds the dog. Well now the dog is about 12 weeks old and weights almost 15 lbs and is beginning to get house trained.

So now back to my original point I was going to make. Marian wanting the dog and trying to involve me, reminded me of our marriage and Marian wanting children. Back then, I also wanted children so I agreed, but it ended up being that I was the major care giver for them, especial with our second child as she would be sick, tired or whatever when it came to children and housework, but was OK for shopping for clothes or getting her hair done.

What I’m also noticing with the dog is that while she is providing the food, shelter and walks to train the dog to do her business outside, that is basically the limit of her contact with the dog. Her demonstration of affection to the dog is a doggie treat as a reward for doing her business outside, along with a couple of pats on the head.

All day long she doesn’t play with the dog or communicate with it in any form of loving physical play or contact and that struck a cord in me as I realized that that was also what she did with me and the children. Any so-called loving attention we got was out of a sense of duty and responsibility and not because she cared. The only other time that she shows any affection to the dog is when the dog is being praised by others or when it has pleased her, which was another thing that she did with the children and me, presentation aftection.

Humm. That also reminds me of my mother as she “acted” the same way. The only time my mother showed any affection to us was when we did what she wanted, or we were noticed by others in a positive way, and she could take credit for our actions. It was my father that would play with us, even if it was a rough-housing and wrestling which was the only from of physical contact that men are only supposed to show.

I don't ignore the dog as I play and talk to her. I get down on the floor to her level and she responds to me with a wagging tail and is glad to see me, where as she looks to Marian for food, and now when she is being trained, to go out for her bathroom walks.

While I say I don’t look after the dog (whose name is Maggie) I do to a point if Marian is out and I can see that the dog wants and needs to go out to do her business, I take her out then and pick up after her, but that’s as far as it goes and when the dog is trained, I’ll be stopping that.

It’s interesting that this dog issues is also bringing up my marriage issues as well as issues in my childhood. I don’t know where this is all going or if there is more, but I’m sure that I’ll find out in due course.

As I was finishing writing, I also realized that she does the same with her plants, she wants plants, but doesn’t look after them and they usually die of lack of water. It’s also interesting that she is more than attentive to her car, and that it has to have its oil changed every two months, whether she has driven a lot or not.. She wants “it” to last and look new. She doesn’t care about anything else except herself, her clothes, hair, nails and skin and of course, in numbing any feelings and emotions that she still has left.

JR

The unseen role of denial

1) People in denial ignore their inner truth
2) People in denial hide their feelings
3) People in denial filter what they say
4) People in denial think irrationally
5) People in denial communicate poorly
6) People in denial think irrationally
7)People in denial filter what they hear
8) People in denial hide from other people’s feelings
9) People in denial are terrified of other people’s truth

What we have here is a failure to communicate! With all this denial present, is there any wonder as to why there is all this conflict and mass confusion.

JR

‘08 May 23 5:27 am I woke up realizing that I just made the connection as to why I was thinking of audio and video equipment (Post 300) and their different frequencies, and also of Spirit and Soul.

Spirit is Mind and Light and is thereby associated with the eyes and the input the Mind receives by sight. The phrase of “seeing is believing” is a Spirit term used to describe how Mind sees truth. It has to be blatantly obvious to Spirit that relies on sight alone, to see when someone is lying or not, or if there is any threat or danger present.

But when we use our ears (sound and the lower frequencies or vibrations) that are associated with the Soul, (the Will) we can pick up on the volume, tone and the inflection in their voice as to whether or not they are lying or are posing a threat.

And... if we go one step further, if we tune into the magnetic qualities of the Soul, to our intuition and feeling centre, we can “feel” the other person, place or thing without even seeing or hearing them. We intuitively know what their intent is, simply by how it “feels” to our Will.

Hummm. I’m smiling as I’m typing this... Of course...How can those “Spirit polarity and Denial Spirit beings” presently in control of the masses, maintain control if they allow people to express their Soul, their Will, (their true feelings and intuition) that can smell bullshit and a threat a mile away, but that can fool the eyes and the Mind with relative ease. They would like all us “feeling” people to be like the three monkeys… and be oblivious to what they are doing.

I’m in constant awe as to how these seeming unrelated topics all seem to be a part of the puzzle and I like it when I get another piece of the puzzle…… Saying that, I also know there is still more to this...

JR

'08 Apr 29 I’ve been working on editing my book this morning, but I’m just not into it, as I feel myself getting side-tracked and at the same time I’m feeling this faint heartbreak and while its faint and almost undetectable, at the same time it feels huge and overwhelming.

It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling. It’s like looking at the very tip of and iceberg that had for some reason sunk beneath the surface of the water and was now just breaking the surface and it’s this tip, that’s breaking the surface that I’m feeling.

As I’m writing, tears are beginning to form in my eyes, but as I wrote that in my journal, they’re gone.

I watched American Idol night and Neil Diamond’s music was being sung by the contestants. There were a couple of songs, or rather “words” in the songs that moved me and they were “I’m alive”… It gave me chills and I felt a connection to what I was feeling earlier and that there was this part of me that wanted to scream... "I AM"...... "I AM ALIVE".... "I am not dead"…

JR

’07 Sept 23 7:43 a.m. Now I feel that doubt, denial and duality ties in with choice, but how? Choice is free Will,or is it? There's more, but what is the connection? Ahh! We all have free Will and when we exercise our Free Will, that is to say, we have acceptance for our feelings, emotions and intuition, we are choosing to experience love. When we are in denial of our free Will, we are then faced with choice, multiple choices based on our imprints, programs and beliefs and that's how it ties in with doubt, denial and duality.

When we are in the flow of love, choice is not even a consideration as we manifest and create what we desire. We have no self doubts, we are singular and unified in thought, feeling and deed or action and there is no separation. There is no good or bad, or better or best, it’s simply experiencing what is in the moment without judgment or expectation. Choice is therefore also a judgment and a judgment is involved in the creation of duality.

JR

'07 Aug 18 I feel that I’ve been lost in a fog the last couple of days. I feel I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m supposed to do. I go through the motions but that‘s all I feel it is, motions, habits. Like a machine doing the same repetitious tasks over and over. Like a clock, slowing ticking away and with each tic, another moment of time has slipped by, creating the illusion of movement and experience.

I don’t feel like working on my book as I’m not mentally and emotionally focused. I feel I’d just be adding confusion if I edited or added to it.

I also feel numb, there are brief moments when I do feel a flask of grief or heartbreak but then it’s gone before I can even really feel or recognize , except that it’s heartbreak.

My body is also… it’s hard to describe. It’s not slow, not tired or exhausted, yet without enough energy to really do anything. It’s like it’s wasting, but waiting for what I don’t know. If I had to describe it I’d say that it was like a woman about to give birth. Not going into labour, but knowing and feeling that she is about to.

Now I feel tired and I just want to sleep. I wonder if this is a way to escape what I’m feeling. Now that feeling is gone and I feel numb again. Something is moving, trying to come to my consciousness. I feel it’s my Body that is trying to connect with me.

My Body is what my Mind has blamed, hated, used and abused. I’ve never listened to my body not unless it was too exhausted or hurt to continue and then only long enough for it to recover so that I could continue or finish what I was doing which was more important than my body. I had no love for my body. I’ve even forced it to become stronger and harder so that I could do more. I went blank. (Continued on Post 143)

JR

’07 July 11 The old cliché of “Beat the Devil at his own game” has taken on a whole new meaning for me today. You can’t beat the devil at his/her game unless you know who the devil is and you also have to know the game. You can study, connive and plot all you want but even with that, you still can’t win as there are no rules, or the rules keep changing. So if there are no rules and the rules keep changing, how can you ever hope to beat him/her if you don’t know what the next rule is going to be?

The Key word here is DENIAL… But what is denial? The obvious denials can be seen and heard, but that’s not the denial I’m talking about. The denial I’m talking about is the “feeling” of what is being said and done and also the “feeling” of what is not being said and done, and that is crucial. You will not be able to feel any of these denials unless you have begun to heal your Will, (your feeling and emotions). While you may be intuitive and empathic, that doesn’t mean that you allow your intuition, feelings and emotions to be free and expressed.

In healing yourself, you begin to discover who the devil is and how he/she has been playing you, to control and beat you down, and how you also have been helping him/her do it. The more you heal, the more you empower yourself until you finally realize that you have the power to beat the devil by not falling into the denial trap. What you also need to be aware of, are your personal denials and fears, and to allow them to be expressed and not denied when you feel that you may be getting into a situation with someone that could be, or is associated with the devil and you feel that you are being “played” and in a “game.“ This is also the moment that you become aware of all the denials present in the other person.

Once you are aware of the “denials” present, you need to express the denials that you feel. If however, you have doubts, and you deny expressing your intuition and feelings in the moment that you feel them, you will have lost the opportunity to win, as “your denial” is what allows him/her to win.

Once you have expressed the denials that you feel are present, the way to win is …. NOT TO PLAY… If there are no rules and the rules change, then when you know that denial is present, you also know that the “game” is “on.” When you feel the game is “on”, then your choice of “not to play” the denial game (by expressing the denials you feel and intuit) is still following the rules, just not HIS/HER RULES…. In NOT playing the DENIAL game, you WIN and have beat the Devil at his/her own game. … It’s so simple.

The twist here is that it’s not about revenge or getting even and going out and trying to beat the devil, by using your clever mind or physical strength, but by not denying your feelings and intuition when the devil has come to you. You win by calling his/her “Bluff,” like when you are playing Bullshit poker. He/she may be selling… but you’re not buying. Instead of the analogy of the card game, the bluff you are calling is when your feelings and intuition are telling you, that what is being “played” or offered to you is… you got it… “Bullshit” and then you simply tell it like it is. “And the truth shall set you free!”

Food for thought… And I’m not asking you to eat it... that's your choice. 

JR

'07 May 12 Saturday 11:25 p.m.

On Friday night I had rented the DVD “Take the Lead” a movie about dancing and tonight I went down stairs to see what was on TV and the movie, “Shall we dance” with Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez was just starting. I had seen it before but I felt drawn to see it again. As I watched it I was emotionally moved at certain parts and tears streamed from my eyes. After it was finished, I turned the TV off and started making my way upstairs when I was suddenly overcome with the feeling of heartbreak and brief that seemed to come out of no where. As I was making my way up the stairs I was clinging to the banister and crying like I‘ve never cried before. I found myself sobbing and uttering sounds that I never heard before that seemed to come from the very depths of my being. By the time I reached the top of the stairs the deep sobbing and feeling of heartbreak and grief were subsiding. I made my way to my bedroom and laid on my bed in a fetal position as I continued to feel and express the remaining emotions and feelings. When I had finished, I began to write.

The dance of Life, or to be accurate, I should say, the lost dance of life. it’s not about the steps or learning the steps, as the steps just take you from here to there; where you have been to where you are now and where you desire to go. What is really important is what is between the steps, the journey, the experience, the feelings and emotions. And it’s not just about one person, but about relationships, of two moving as one and the interactions that occur between the steps.

That’s something that I just began to feel with Corrine a few years ago and also for a moment on the dance floor last year in Moncton. with reference to previous posts.

Other than that, I can’t remember any real life experiences where there was real passion, excitement and desire, of wanting to experience something with another and they also wanting to do the same and then both just letting go and experiencing it and where it’s not an act or a game, but REAL and of having it all, all in one moment. It’s hard to describe the feeling of the oneness and the joy, happiness and love that you feel in that moment you are connected to each other in a REAL relationship experience. That’s what I want, I want it all and I want it to be real. I want to experience life to its unfathomable depths.

All these things that I settled for thinking that it will work out change or grow and somehow I always felt that it was my fault, my lacking that it never happened. It, life, is also can’t be learned… as it is something that already is and can only grow. It just needs to be accepted (loved) and expressed. It’s all there, all I desire (pause)

But now I’m feeling that it’s all a dream, part of my lost hopes, dreams and desires. I hear a voice. It’s a faint voice that seems very far away, like an echo from the past. I’m losing it now. I feel I’m going cold and indifferent… like what’s the use. The feeling and desire are fading….

JR

To be continued on Poat 77

May 03 6:31 a.m. SHOCK!

I was only going to post the highlights but as I started to write, I felt that the whole article should be presented even though it is a bit long.

Doubt, disbelief, followed by confusion and denial are the key elements of shock. If doubt, disbelief are denied, and not fully explored and expressed, then confusion further scatters the Mind and the emotions and shock is the result. Shock affects our entire being in ways that we have yet to understand from a non-denial point of view.

Shock is an effect and is caused in a variety of ways. We usually think of shock as caused by some traumatic experience which is the most obvious, but there are also other more subtle forms of shock that have the same effect as they are also triggered by doubt and disbelief, followed by confusion and denial, that on the surface may not seem traumatic, but are just as effective in damaging the fragile human psyche. For that matter, the actions of unloving (energy) creates the potential for shock in the person, animal, plant or thing on the receiving end of the unloving experience and any person, animal, plant or thing that is subjected to an unloving experience, any form of physical abuse, control or manipulation, when there is either no choice but the surrender of ones free Will to another, the effects are the same.

Physical pain will activate you into shock quicker than any other experience and once pain has been experienced, then just the mere thought of pain is enough to throw a person back into shock. Shock is the effect, denial is the ultimate cause. You know you are in a state of shock or responding to an old imprints, programs and beliefs when you are triggered or activated and you suddenly snap back to conscious awareness with the desire to do one of three things,
1)Fight
2)Run
3)Give up, surrender, give in, compromise, co-operate.

But there is a (4th) alternative to the situation, one that we have been unaware of and that is that we surrender to love, to self-love and allow ourselves to feel and express what we have been denying

When there is doubt, disbelief and confusion and it is not fully explored and expressed and the actions that are creating the doubt, disbelief and confusion are not challenged to the point that that the confusion is cleared up, then Shock enters the picture. What it basically does is that it creates energy signals that misfire the functions of the brain (the Mind) which in turn misfire the emotions and body functions. The Mind is like a deer in headlights and is frozen, numb to the experience until such a point that it suddenly returns to conscious awareness of the situation and then forms some conclusion and then re-acts to the situation, instead of having responded to it with love, by expressing its fears, doubts and disbeliefs when they first surfaced. This situation is far more complex than what I’m presenting here as this is also how and where fragmentation takes place and a host of other issues that all happening simultaneously, and all affected by this original experience.

Now expressing the very first doubts and disbeliefs are where we have the most trouble as we with our Mind… over-ride and suppress our feelings, intuition and emotions and instead, we substitute analytical logic and reason based on old imprints, programs and beliefs. We (our Mind) over-ride our feelings, intuition and emotions it is the unloving energy that is responsible for what is allowed to happen to us in our outside reality and experience. It is when the Mind has negated input from its feelings, intuition and emotions that then create more doubt, disbelief and confusion, as the Mind then tries to scramble to make sense of what is now a barrage of conflicting and mis-information of its own doing, and it literally begins to short-circuit itself and enters into what is called a state of shock.

Once we have been through a traumatic shocking experience our Mind is never the same as certain receptors and neuro-transmitters that input/output information are either damaged or destroyed and parts of it’s memory are also damaged or destroyed. It’s very much like a virus getting into a computer and attacking the hard drive and the programs on it. From now on, the Minds computer has been changed and what was the ego, is now the “altered Ego” and whenever it is triggered by unloving energy that is similar to the original experience it will re-act with an automatic by-pass of it’s feelings, intuition and emotions and as well, it will now re-act with the new imprints, programs and beliefs and the altered programming of the Mind (altered ego) that was a result of the shocking experience. The result is not a true understanding of the experience to the situation, but a false-re-action, based on misinformation and a damaged mind controlling still over-riding the feelings, intuition, emotions and the body and thinking that it is right.


The mind isn’t only affected by the damage it received and the imprints, programs and beliefs that were put in place as a result of the original experience, but it is further damaged with more imprints, programs and beliefs by how it is forced to cope and face future similar situations. These outside influences are created by the parents, siblings, relatives, friends, peers and society. One typical form of this further conditioning is to try to pacify the situation by trying to make the other person forget the experience by replacing it with a “happier” one. This usually takes the form of going out and doing something or buying something that will make it all better or will somehow make it all go away. Or, on the opposite end, there is the punishment routine, where the person is further punished for allowing the original experience to happen. Both these scenarios set in place, more doubt, disbelief, confusion, denial and shock and the so the cycle continues.

Before we can deal with the effects of shock we have to address the unseen role of denial and the role it played with the Mind in suppressing the input of the feelings, intuition and emotions. The Mind fears what it does not understand. This is old imprin6ing and programming and it needs to be gone into…. not to change or heal the old imprints or programs, but rather to allow them to be replaced with another programs. But…and this is important, it is not simply a matter of putting another program in place like with hypnosis or so-called “positive affirmations” or the like. The mind has to feel what it denied feeling and it needs to allow what was denied to be expressed. It has to feel right and be openly accepted by the mind because otherwise, the same old imprints kick in and we are back to square one.

To heal, the Mind has to open itself to change, to the unknown, to the unexpected and even more importantly, it has to open itself to its feelings, intuition and emotions in all ways that it has denied before. This is the start, the beginning, to work on opening the mind, to not only accept, but to allow the expression of these denied aspects of itself. Once the Mind has done that and a level of trust has been established, then you can move to the next level of healing.

John

’07 Feb 01 6:01 a.m.

If you are open to feel what others are feeling on an empathic level, then you also gain experience and knowing without actually having to experience the same or similar situation. When I say empathic, or having empathy, I don’t mean feeling sorry for another person; I mean that you open yourself to not only feel and express the other persons emotions, but also what their body is or was feeling and what their mind is or was thinking at the time of the experience. It’s as if “you” are living it. It’s really being in the other person’s shoes for those few seconds or minutes.

I know that I have also done that in reverse. A few years back when I was doing some “one-on-one” sessions, there were times when I would pick up on what the person was denying they had experienced and were feeling. It was only my acceptance for their feelings, body pain and thoughts, that enabled them to also allow themselves to ”let go” of the “control” over these aspects of themselves and allow themselves to feel and then move to express themselves and release the unloving energy, guilt and shame that they were holding in their body that was creating the physical symptoms and issues that they had been experiencing, in some cases for over 30 years.

As a man in this physical life time/experience I’ve experienced child birth with all the emotional, physicals and mental aspects. From feelings of intense uncomfortable-ness to the indescribable and excruciating pain leading up to child birth and to the similarly indescribable feelings of ecstatic joy and ecstasy of the actual birth of the child and of being a mother that brought a life into this world. That memory, that experience, I now carry within me in this life time/experience and it’s as real and valid for me as eating a peanut butter sandwich.

I just noticed that for the second time I wrote “life time/experience” with a slash between the word time and experience. I feel that they are connected and are one and the same in some aspect that I need to be aware of…. Hummm? I don’t know where this is leading to …yet… But I’ll keep you posted.

JR