Saysame (Says-a-me)

Forgiveness is yet another form of self-sacrifice if the issue has not been truly healed and you are forcing yourself to forgive another, so that you can put the issue behind you, and move on with your life. When you get to the part of your healing journey where you want to forgive another, you need to look beneath the denials and guilt to find that it’s not about forgiving the other person, but about taking responsinbilty for your denials and re-actions and forgiving yourself for the choices you made. When you can forgive yourself, and then make the chocie to end your denials, you will also see that the other person that caused what you consider harm, was actually reflecting your own denials to help you heal your emotions and issues. While you may consider people that don’t harm, or activate you, your friends, it is your enemy that is your real friend, as they are helping you heal your issues. Those who you call friends would not challenge or activate you by saying or doing things they know would offend you as then, you would no longer consider them friends and you would abandon them. So to be a friend, they need to deny being real, and be what you want them to be and that is another form of self-sacrifice.

When you have truly healed your issues, there is no longer any need for forgiveness, and instead the denial and guilt based need to forgive another will be replaced with genuine gratitude and love. I mean love, not the pretence and phony expression of love that people put on to show others, I mean real heartfelt love. Now it may be a friend that finally allows themselves to activate you, or it could be a stranger, and both can even go so far as to imply that you are going to be physically harmed if that is what is needed to move you off your denial based point-of-view. This can also take the form of what would be called an accident or an act of God where you are actually physically harmed.

JR

'09 Apr 01 Part of my past-life experiences have been in trying to save or change the world (society) but to no avail, as under the intent was the unseen role of denial and expectations of gaining power and having control. I feel that in all of these, that I have been a part of Heart presence, and that the “oh poor me” syndrome is a tune that is presently being played out with people that I am in chats with or through emails. I feel sorry for the people as I feel them struggling, yet at the same time, it’s a struggle of their own choosing and one that they need to experience and also find the way to end it.

When some people ask me for my point-of-view or what to do to solve their problems and issues, they become adamant that they are right and are angry when I give them a suggestion contrary to their beliefs. What they are actually wanting is for me to help them without question or comment, to do what they ask and tell me to do, as that is the only thing that they think will make them happy and lift them out of their struggle and feeling depressed, alone and helpless.

It is in my feeling their feelings and emotions, that I’m remembering how I felt in that situation and how I hoped someone would help me and give me some understandings as to what was going on, and because now I have the ability to see and know what they can’t see and don’t know, I feel I need to help them, but that I don’t need to jump in and “save” them like I used to do. I still feel the need to somehow try to answer their questions as best I can and to get them to understand what they can’t see or feel, but even just doing that is still a form of “saving’ them, when I know that they are not applying what they say they know, or that they say they “get it” and then minutes later they “forget it.” On the internet, I can basically walk away and leave them to do their homework, and to think and problem solve for themselves without getting pummeled by guilt saying that what I am doing is cold, heartless, selfish and unloving.

While this is one version of trying to save, there is also another that is more physical and personal in nature. This other version of helping or “saving” has to do when I get manipulated, or rather, allow myself to be manipulated by Marian and agreeing to repair the holes in the drywall and paint the walls and ceilings after the forced air heating system was installed. Then again, after she had the bath tub and surround installed, she had asked me to replace the vanity as she said that money was tight and she didn’t want to hire an outside contractor as it would cost a lot and she also didn’t know if he would do a good job but she offered to pay me. Feeling sorry for her and because she is “family” I also said that I would but then I ended up putting in a new floor, toilet, doing drywall repairs and I still have to do the painting and baseboard trim. Putting the new flooring in the bathroom, also led to agreeing to install a new floor in the entrance hallway and in the downstairs bathroom,

This is a physical example of what I was talking about before of “oh poor me” syndrome, and me feeling sorry for them because I “know” what and how to do something that they can’t or don’t want to learn or do and are trying to get me to do it for them. I’ve decided that I’m not going to get sucked into doing anything new. I know the yard work will be next, grass, planting beds, pruning shrubs and hedges, and lifting and relaying the uneven patio stones, painting the back door and outside trim, fixing the fence so that the dog can’t get out, fixing the holes the dog has dug, fixing the broken door on the shed. It’s a never ending job and she knew what she was getting into when she bought the house and she needs to take responsibility for her choices, even though when she asked for my opinion, I told her she was making a mistake and that if she was thinking of moving she should be looking at moving into an apartment where there was even less work than in the townhouse she had. But no, she wanted what she wanted and so now, she will have to deal with all the things she wasn’t, but without my help as I need to work on my book.

JR

’08 Dec 20 With all the snow that came down yesterday and my shoveling for hours, and the snow that is on the way, Marian called someone she knows to shovel the walk as she didn’t want me to have a heart attack. It turned out that he’s on holidays until mid January, so I told her that there are lots of other guys willing to shovel snow and to look in the paper, and that there was no rush, as I wasn’t going to have a heart attack.

With another two storms in the forecast, she then decided to buy a snow blower. I tried to talk her out of it as the cost of hiring a person verses buying a snow blower and then still having to operate it wasn’t worth it, (time and money) if getting out of shoveling snow was the intent. She was determined and asked me to go with her to pick out one that was suitable.

We went to three stores and they were all sold out, but she managed to get the last one at “Sears.” It was the smallest model they had left and was almost twice the size of ones that I’ve seen that would do the job. It also had a price tag of $1,200.00 while the smaller ones that I’ve seen were around half the price. I tried talking her out of buying it as $1,200.00 would pay someone to shovel snow for years, and that buying a snow blower, still meant having someone operate it. She was adamant and money was no object, so she bought it.

I don’t get it! From bitching and moaning about having no money when she was in the townhouse, she is now spending money like there is no tomorrow. Hummm? Maybe there is no tomorrow, so why worry? She has also ordered a new bathtub insert and the works to the tune of at least $1,500.00 and she is also have a gas furnace and central air installed, and that will be close to $6,000.00 , She’s also talking about getting new windows and a patio door and a deck off the kitchen in the spring. (scratching head) When we were married, this is what I tried to keep up with to make her happy, but now, it’s her money and her problem…

Humm! That’s more of my denied Will rage coming out.

I guess. No.. not guess, I know what tics me off is that with this whole move thing, I’m doing more “stuff” that I don’t want to do, and I seem to be quietly getting sucked in. I’m a renter, I’m paying rent for a bedroom and a shared kitchen and bath, with internet, cable TV, and laundry. I buy and prepare my own food, that’s it! When I rented rooms at any of the other places I’ve stayed at, none of the little things were my responsibility. So what’s my issue, my real issue?

JR

I was thinking of what Canada is and what is common to all so-called Canadians on a federal level, and the only things that I could come up with was;



Currency (Money)
Federal Taxes (Money)
CPP (Canada Pension Plan) (Money)
OAC (Old Age Security) (money)

SIN (Social Insurance Number) (Identification)
Passport (Identification)
Flag (Identification)




Military (Control of people)

Humm? Money, identity and the Military. Isn’t that scary, as thoughts of BIG Brother comes to mind… I was thinking of how similar our Canadian government is aligned with the USA government agenda. The conservatives have pushed through similar legislation and have had Canadians engage in similar issues, without any real thought or even political opposition.

The Canadian federal government will have spent over $18 Billion on the Afghanistan war (remember bin Laden?) Now the federal government has authorized a $25 Billion bailout for the Canadian banks, (that they said were strongt) to help them with the financial crisis, who by the way, who have been making record profits the past years.

That’s $43 Billion divided by 33.5 million people = $1,283.58/every man, woman and child living in Canada. This is not money that the government has to spend, it’s money it needs to borrow, to spend and not only that, the government will also have to pay interest on this debt. This plan to solve the financial crisis by throwing more “borrowed” money at the problem will not work. The reason it won’t work is that they are in denial of the real issue, and are instead, are focusing on treating the symptom.

I’ll give you another point-of-view that may help you cut through the financial rhetoric that is being touted. Suppose your brother or sister has gone into debt, buying new houses, cars, vacations, jewelry, clothes, etc, etc. While they have a good job, it’s no where near enough to support their lavish lifestyle and with payments and interest charges that have been skipped, creditors are now at their door, threatening to take away all that they have acquired.

Now they come to you for help. While you have money and a good credit line (like the government), you don’t have the amount they need, and so you magnanimously decide to help them by borrowing the money to pay off the major part of their debt. You may have also told them that this is merely a loan, and that it will have to be repaid, but you never specified any plan or date, and that is how you left the issue. Neither did you address their life style and spending habits, nor did they tell you they were seeking help with their issues and what they were prepared to do to help themselves.

So in the above example, like with the banks and other financial institutions, the underlying causes have been denied, and instead, focus has been on treating the symptoms. Nothing has changed or can change until denial has ended and until then we just continue to have .... SSDD.... Same Shit Different Day.

This problem is far from being over…. It’s only just beginning… as now the banks and financial institutions will either be lending money to business and individuals that have no intent on paying it back and will take what they can (including the banks and financial institutions who will be looking after their own self interests), or by not lending money to businesses or individuals, who will then be forced into bankruptcy.

JR

‘08 Oct 03 I had decided to go with Lulu publishing http://www.lulu.com/a while back but when I went to finalize getting my books out there, I found that Lulu had increased the price at the end of Sept. I submitted a post to the Lulu Forums >Feedback on "A Special Message from Lulu’s Founder & CEO"

(Post 1) Well it looks like I’ll be going else where, as this “gouging” is no different than what the oil companies are doing. Lulu is now informing us that their manufacturing costs have almost doubled, and if that is the case, then there is definitely some POOR management that allowed this problem to go on for so long, but..... I suspect that greed is more of an issue in this case when you examine the data.

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Retail Book Cost Calculator

Choose a book to price.
How many pages? 200
Retail Royalty
Currency $US
Retail Min. Royalty: ..........................$1.00
Lulu Fee: .....................................$0.25
Manufacturing cost per unit:...............$5.50
Retail Markup: 5.50 x 2.455 = .............$6.75
Total Retail Price:..........................$13.50
+ shipping and handling....................$
+Taxes ......................................$_______
Total ........................................$


***************************************************
New Price Page

$4.00 - Page cost (2¢/page x 200 pages)
+4.53 - Binding Fee
$8.53 - Manufacturing Cost

Total Retail Price breakdown
Manufacturing ......................................$8.53
Min. royalty fee ...................................$1.00
Lulu royalty fee $.25 ..............................$0.25
Total manufacturing cost/unit ...................$9.78
Retail markup 9.78 x 2.455.......................$14.22
MSRP...............................................$24.00
+ shipping and handling...........................$
+Taxes .............................................$_______
Total ..............................................$

***************************************************

While ~$4.00 may not seem like a lot, when that increase is passed along to the retail sector, it basically adds another $7.47 to the $4.00..... making the suggested retail price $11.47 higher than before, (That’s a 78% increase in the MSRP) not counting, shipping and handling plus taxes...

The other thing that is not seen; is that most of the books that Lulu prints are ones that they sell directly to the public at the MSRP.... So in reality, they are not just working on their manufacturing margins, but are in fact.. getting the full MSRP, minus, whatever royalty fee that the author gets.. That means that under the old pricing schedule they would make $12.50/ book, and now under the new pricing schedule they would be making $23.00/book...

There are a couple of other POD publishers that I was considering before I chose Lulu, and I’ll be going back to have another look at them, as I’m basically looking for a printer with a fair price that can ship to individual customers on request.

Shenreed

PS: this post carries on to Post 375 Lulu and a Insight on Publishing my Book

’08 Aug 19 I’ve thought of writing about this before but haven’t until now. A couple of months ago Marian mentioned that she was getting a dog (standard poodle). She had a couple of dogs and cats before and had to get rid of them as she couldn’t look after them, as sometimes she is barely able to look after herself. I told her that a having a dog was a lot of work, not like a cat, that is more independent. She said that she was a lot better now and also insinuated that I was here to help her look after the dog. I told her that if she wanted a dog, that it was “her” dog and that “she” would have to look after it, feed it, clean up after it, train and bathe it, etc, etc. and that it was not my dog or my responsibility. She confidently and with a bit of sarcasm relied, “no problem, I can do it mysself.”

So she got the pup when it was 6 weeks old and has since, basically done all the work with the dog including getting up early in the morning (8:00 am is early for her as she usually got out of bed around 10:30 – 11:00 am) and going downstairs and cleaning up the mess, and then walks and feeds the dog. Well now the dog is about 12 weeks old and weights almost 15 lbs and is beginning to get house trained.

So now back to my original point I was going to make. Marian wanting the dog and trying to involve me, reminded me of our marriage and Marian wanting children. Back then, I also wanted children so I agreed, but it ended up being that I was the major care giver for them, especial with our second child as she would be sick, tired or whatever when it came to children and housework, but was OK for shopping for clothes or getting her hair done.

What I’m also noticing with the dog is that while she is providing the food, shelter and walks to train the dog to do her business outside, that is basically the limit of her contact with the dog. Her demonstration of affection to the dog is a doggie treat as a reward for doing her business outside, along with a couple of pats on the head.

All day long she doesn’t play with the dog or communicate with it in any form of loving physical play or contact and that struck a cord in me as I realized that that was also what she did with me and the children. Any so-called loving attention we got was out of a sense of duty and responsibility and not because she cared. The only other time that she shows any affection to the dog is when the dog is being praised by others or when it has pleased her, which was another thing that she did with the children and me, presentation aftection.

Humm. That also reminds me of my mother as she “acted” the same way. The only time my mother showed any affection to us was when we did what she wanted, or we were noticed by others in a positive way, and she could take credit for our actions. It was my father that would play with us, even if it was a rough-housing and wrestling which was the only from of physical contact that men are only supposed to show.

I don't ignore the dog as I play and talk to her. I get down on the floor to her level and she responds to me with a wagging tail and is glad to see me, where as she looks to Marian for food, and now when she is being trained, to go out for her bathroom walks.

While I say I don’t look after the dog (whose name is Maggie) I do to a point if Marian is out and I can see that the dog wants and needs to go out to do her business, I take her out then and pick up after her, but that’s as far as it goes and when the dog is trained, I’ll be stopping that.

It’s interesting that this dog issues is also bringing up my marriage issues as well as issues in my childhood. I don’t know where this is all going or if there is more, but I’m sure that I’ll find out in due course.

As I was finishing writing, I also realized that she does the same with her plants, she wants plants, but doesn’t look after them and they usually die of lack of water. It’s also interesting that she is more than attentive to her car, and that it has to have its oil changed every two months, whether she has driven a lot or not.. She wants “it” to last and look new. She doesn’t care about anything else except herself, her clothes, hair, nails and skin and of course, in numbing any feelings and emotions that she still has left.

JR

’08 Apr 14 3:06 am Moving has been coming up for a while now and today I told Marian that I was thinking of quitting my job and moving out this summer. When I told her that, she said that because I wouldn’t have a job, she would reduce my rent by $50.00/month. When I told her that it wasn’t just about quitting my part time job, but that I was also going to be leaving, she became upset and when off into a rant saying that she was going to be selling the townhouse as she couldn’t afford to carry it on her own.

I told her that she could get another border and she said that she didn’t want to go through that again, and in the same breath, she also said it was no use painting and decorating if I was going to be leaving and she was going to sell… In other words.. she was trying to “guilt” me into staying.

There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to quit my job and move as I’m “comfortable,” but I also know that feeling “comfortable” is also a trap because the underlying issue is that I don’t want to feel…”uncomfortable”…. A part of me doesn’t want to get into an uncomfortable situation or experience, to leave what is known and safe and go into the unknown. In other words, it’s about “letting go” of attachments of not wanting to change.

Huummmm. That takes me back to my childhood and my issues with having our family move when I was in grades 6,7,8,9,10. I was bulled from my first day in school until I was finally big enough to stand up to the bullies in grade 6. Then just when I began to feel comfortable and safe, we moved to the city, new home, neighborhood and school. We moved each year of five years and the whole bully issue would come up each time that we moved until Grade 10…

Ahhhh! As I was typing this up for my blog, I just realized that it was in Grade 10 that I got my drivers license and my first car… and I’ve had a vehicle ever since. That’s also when I was able to get away, not only from the bullies in school and also from my parents. So this also relates to my issues with my truck and freedom… Now I just have to figure it all out and allow myself to heal this…

JR

’08 Apr 14 4:08 am I feel that another aspect of this issue is about feeling guilty in leaving people that need and depend on me, that have acceptance for me, even if it is limited and conditional.

I know that at work, the boss will feel bad that I’m going to be quitting, as does Marian at the thought of me leaving. But for both of them, it’s not really about me, but about what I was doing for them. In the same way, the job gave me extra money and in exchange for that money, Marian gave me shelter. I work to earn money and then give money in exchange for a place to stay and also for food and other things.

People “needing” me also gives me a “false” sense of worth, of value, that I’m helping “others” and that I’m useful and have a purpose in this world…

'07 Sept 11 Tuesday, I saw my New Doctor and after filling out some forms, I was called in to the examination room. She came in a few moments later and I gave her a computer printed report containing all my personal data, and my old doctor’s name and address and all the physical issues I’ve had in recent years.

We had talked about my brothers and sisters cancer and she wanted to know the name of the cancer, which I didn’t know, but I never mentioned anything about my personal cancer concerns because I thought that we’d get to that later. A few minutes later she asked me again if I knew the name of the cancer, I looked at her, confused as to whether she had forgotten she had asked me or if it was a test to see if I remembered her asking me. I told her that she asked me that before and that I was going to check it out. She said reply except to ask me another question as she skimmed through my report. After asking a few more general questions and taking my blood pressure, she told me to come back in six weeks for a complete physical. I was shocked but never said anything, as things seemed to happen so quickly and she had left the room to treat another patient.

What I realized later was that she chose her words carefully, like when she said, “Do you have any problems going to the bathroom and are you regular?” Without really thinking, I replied that I didn’t and that yes I was regular. That was a truth in…. in that moment, but I completely by-passed the fact that a few days ago I did have pains in my kidneys and I felt that I was getting a kidney related infection again like I had last year.

When I go back, I will not deny or be denied. I’m going to stop her when I feel she’s being vague and general and when I feel that she's skirting any issues. I guess I was expecting more, especially from a person that you’re trusting to help you with any health issues. Hummm. I can see that there’s more to this Doctor thing than meets the eye. It’s going to be interesting meeting in six weeks.

JR

I’m feeling a deep sense of heartbreak of being utterly alone. I’m surrounded by all these people yet no one really sees, hears or feels me. A part of me feels what’s the use? Why do all this stuff if no one is even in the slightest way interested.

I feel lost, not only feel… I am lost. I desire to create a New World but I don’t know how to do it. I want to share it with others, but others couldn’t care less. So why am I even trying to do all this if I don't even know how to do it? Am I just a fool with a dream?

Within this feeling of being alone, I also feel I’m in this totally wasted, no-mans land. A place where I’m not sure what I really where I am or where I'm going, what I want, and I wouldn't have a clue even if I found what I was looking for, or to even recognize the ability to manifest what I desire, if it jumped out in front of me. And then I also feel trapped in this world of denial where everyone seems to be oblivious to what even denial is. Humm, If I didn't have any denials, then I wouldn't be experiencing what I am now.

I feel like I'm the captain of a sinking ship telling the passengers and crew to get off but they just ignore what I'm saying and keep doing what they were. At the same time, I’m also lost and confused and I don’t even know how to get off the ship myself as I have no idea what a "life" boat is or even how to build one.

I feel like everything is at a stand still. I want to heal my body and my Chakras and I feel that I need to go back out West, but I can’t afford to fix my truck or even the gas at $1.00/litre to get out there. I also have insurance and truck license fees coming up. I don’t have a job so I don’t have the money to do what I feel I need to do. I feel blocked, pressured and frustrated.

Besides all these external issues and blocks, there is also all the internal issues and the question of my body’s health and my fear of dying. (Post 141) I know that my internal denied issues are creating my external experiences, but when you are being activated by your imprints, programs and beliefs, it's hard to think and feel past what they are saying. I feel that all my imprints, programs and beliefs are stopping me and are hitting me all at once. Trouble is that I don’t even know what they are except that my judgments and issues are part of them.

Humm. I was just thinking of judgments and how I can’t release judgments...... I release the judgment that I can’t release judgments. This is big issue and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.

JR

Last week I was frustrated with the template I had been working on so I went on the net and found another template and began modifying it. It seems that I’m always running into new problems and issues with this template too, but I’m managing to solve them.

Now I’m torn between what I call template #4 and #5 the newest one, as both have features that I like, but #4 was the one that was giving me a problem. I’ve learned a couple of things with #5 and so I went back and modified #4 and now it can also be used… so now I have two to choose from.

I then started to add my content and I got into more issues, especially where picture were concerned and now, type font is also an issue, that wasn’t an issue before.. Ahhhhh! Fuckstrating to say the least.

JR

'07 March 31 8:32 a.m.

I was thinking on what I wrote in my journal yesterday in that when people are in denial of their real issues, that they seek outside support in the form of people, places or things that they consider either support them, or help them cope with the anxiety and stress of their issues and unwanted emotions.

Groups, associations, clubs, teams, military, political organizations and of course... good old and new... religious denomination. Help groups like AA are an example of people joined in commonality, thinking and believing that just because they are not doing (drinking) or experiencing what they were before they joined the group, that they have now healed the issues of why they were drinking in the first place. It doesn't matter what kind of group it is, all that matters is that they have something in common, something thatthey feel to be a part of and not different or alone, a need for commonality..

Friends are the next form of support group and another version of the mutual admiration society joined in commonality, having something in common, comforting and supporting each other in their times of need, both good and bad. A friend is used as a crutch, an form of escape when one has issues with a family loved one. A friend is someone to turn to when you can't turn to the one that is closest to you...

Family... Wow! there are BIG co-dependency issues here. Husband, wife, parents, children, grand-parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, etc... The immediate family structure is the core and from there it fans out to the other relations, then to friends and then to groups. Some people have strong family ties while others are loosely tried together. Whichever way, there is an issue as to why the bond is so strong or why it is so loose.

JR
Continued on Post #50

For years I’ve been doing all this work on healing my emotions and while I realized I also has issues with my body, it wasn’t until today that I’m beginning to understand the importance and significance of that. Just as I unloving denied and treated my emotions in the past, I’ve done the same to my body. Forcing it to endure pain and suffering and to do what my mind wanted and expected it to do. Again, I’m the unloving dictator.

I had called Irene this afternoon and it was during our conversation that I realized how deep this issue was. All the things I don’t like or don’t want to accept about my body are things I hate about my body. There is no love in hate. My aching bones are a way of my body showing me it pain at the very core. My aching muscles and now the rest of my body are showing me the same thing; that my body is crying out for help.

Seeing and feeling my body age is something I hate and refuse to accept. My body aging is a really a sign of how I have abused my body in all my life time/experiences, so that now, my body has no choice but to begin to break down under the strain and constant pressure that I’ve been exerting on it. I still think my body can and should be able to perform like it did when I was in my thirties. In MY MIND, I think I am 32, not 62. My mind hadn’t grasped the significance that it is NOT independent, of my emotions and body; but that this is a partnership and that its (minds) existence also depends on the existence of my feelings and my body.

Dealing with my imprints, programs and beliefs in working on healing my emotions has also opened my mind and healed it in some aspects. Now, I’m going to be doing the same thing with healing my body and the issues it has. As I do that, I will also be healing my mind again as I’ll be releasing old imprints, programs and beliefs that have brought me, Mind, Will, Body and Heart to this point of my journey.

On another topic, I had asked Irene a couple of questions and she merely hummed like a Cheshire cat and said that I will get the answer on my own. She stated that if she told me that it would spoil my experience. That ticked me off and I replied that if I understood what she was answering me, then it was right time for me to know, and that if I didn’t understand what she was saying, then she had no worries of spoiling it for me as I wouldn’t get it anyway. As she argued the point I got what was actually going on. She was in a denial circle and it all came down to her not trusting me. And not dealing with her issues of why she didn’t trust me. It wasn’t about my asking her questions or her giving me answers, it was about her not trusting me and that all stemmed back to our experience last September.

While she said that she understood and that it was all OK and that she had worked on her issues of that activation, it was a lie and a denial. She denied when she was activated and she was still denying… After that realization and in my expressing myself, I was Ok with her not answering my questions as both of us knew that she couldn’t and wouldn’t answer because that would mean she would have to deal with what she didn’t want to deal with last September and that the trust issue was only a façade to take the focus off her denied issues.

And so the journey continues.

JR

’07 Jan 05.... I received an E-mail from a woman I had met when I was in western Canada three years ago. During the few months that we saw each other we had some profound insights and healing experiences. We’ve kept in touch and she last E-mailed me in August and although she never mentioned it, I picked up that she was pregnant. She acknowledged that I was correct, but said no more and I never heard from her until now. She sent the above picture of her son. When I saw him, tears welled up in my eyes as I felt that he was somehow a part of me.. I can’t really describe what I felt or why I felt it but it was like I was looking at myself.

In her e-mail she also mentioned the phrase, “May you find your issues in your tissues.” She commented that she didn’t know why she wrote it only that she needed to say it. I got a similar message a long time ago that our issues are in our tissues. That the energy of the unloving experiences that we have experienced are locked up in various parts of our tissues, bones and even our blood and DNA.

That activated me to write several pages on illness, aging, unconditional love, desire, the Will, the so-called fall of man, Lucifer and death, but it’s too long to post here….

John