December
Thursday, 27. November 2008, 11:59:07
G'day all , I know it early but I'll be away for the 1st few weeks of December . Enough about me , lets kick off with this
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location. She responds "It's really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean!"
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
My New Gal wanted me to make love to her like in the movies.
So, I stuck it in her azz and came on her face.
She got mad.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models. One says to the other, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
The second one replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" The first one says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one!!" The second one smiles and pats him on the back. "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?" The second redneck replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's maths teacher."
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
Online Photo Reziser
here
Have Fun With Photo's
here
Handy place to view picture dexes
here
The Testicle Cookbook
here
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
The amazing human body...
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
Women blink twice as often as men
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate.
Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.
Scroll down to the bottom please ........
Still looking at your thumb, aren't you
TV Newsroom Floods
here
Free Adult Movies
here or here
Get your perfect woman
here
Rent-A-Mex
here
the price of beer
here
A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her, because she said she had a terrible headache.
The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to the party.
When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume. Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test.
She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom. She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him.
Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there, she innocently asked if he’d had fun. He told her he hadn’t.
After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker.
He added, "The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!"
A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He explains, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." One student shouted out, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."
The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."
A woman sitting in a Melbourne Pub suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress
and two locals, Bluey and Bazza, sitting at the next table, turned to look at her.
Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey
The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.
Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza. The woman shook her head No!!!
With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her undies (underpants) and ran his tongue up and down the crack of
her butt.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Bazza said in admiration.......... 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody
Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen
somebody do it.'
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
Real 19th Century Vampire Killing Kit
here
Wild Earth TV - Live From Africa
here
Brasilian girls farting compilation
here
bikes and boobs
here
CODE OF THE GAY
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys. Rather you've been sucking-OFF the boys and spend the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and following the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you're a flaaaaming fag. A cat is like a dog, but gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bon-bon, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you are the poster boy for GAY.
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring-pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A straight man only sucks barbecue ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, cray-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're clearly in a deep homosexual relationship. The world is a man's bathroom; he pisses and shits when and where ever he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome full cream milk) and full aroma. A true pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf cinnamon latte with skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your bung. A real man doesn't have space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in AFL, Aussie cricket squad and V8 Supercar drivers. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you love the cock.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it... you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at retarded drivers or to cut the motherfuckers off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, finger the hot bitch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or talk on the mobile.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films – mon frere, vous sonnez le gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those poonce films is when it contains explicit female nudity OR will absolutely guarantee sex. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.
9. If the first website you check when you get online isn't Orsm.net then face facts – copping a big sticky facial from your boyfriend remains your favourite pastime. What's more if you've never emailed Screamin's Bits then it's probably because you were busy at the gay bath house.
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
STOCK MARKET TERMS - UPDATED FOR 2008
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use.
A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in year four." "No, madam," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15."
A man was going 5 miles an hour over the 45 speed limit when he notices a police car behind him. He speeds up to 60... The police car tails him and turns on the lights. The man speeds up to 70... Police car turns on the siren. The man speeds up to 80 and starts approaching 90...
The policeman in the police car says over his mike... "Buddy, pull over or I'll shoot your tires out". With that, the speeder slows down, pulls his car to the side of the road and turns his ignition off. The policeman turns off his siren, leaves the lights going and unsnaps the holster of his gun as he approaches the man's car.
The policeman says to the speeder "OK, buddy, I've heard ‘em all, but I want to hear YOURS". The man replies "Well, officer, my wife ran off with a policeman a month ago, and I thought you were him bringing her BACK!"
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Madam, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off - kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, why not make the best of it?" So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my garden pruners. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, and say, "Okay buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!"
"Well, that seems only fair...?" said the cop laughing. "Okay. Good luck! Oh by the way - what's in the other bag?" "Well, you know" said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
bigger, better beards
here
Whoreface does a kegstand
here
Very big radio controlled plane
here
Time for a beer break!
here
well thats it for another month
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location. She responds "It's really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean!"
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
My New Gal wanted me to make love to her like in the movies.
So, I stuck it in her azz and came on her face.
She got mad.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models. One says to the other, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
The second one replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" The first one says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one!!" The second one smiles and pats him on the back. "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?" The second redneck replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's maths teacher."
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
Online Photo Reziser
here
Have Fun With Photo's
here
Handy place to view picture dexes
here
The Testicle Cookbook
here
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
The amazing human body...
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
Women blink twice as often as men
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate.
Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.
Scroll down to the bottom please ........
Still looking at your thumb, aren't you
TV Newsroom Floods
here
Free Adult Movies
here or here
Get your perfect woman
here
Rent-A-Mex
here
the price of beer
here
A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her, because she said she had a terrible headache.
The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to the party.
When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume. Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test.
She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom. She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him.
Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there, she innocently asked if he’d had fun. He told her he hadn’t.
After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker.
He added, "The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!"
A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He explains, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." One student shouted out, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."
The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."
A woman sitting in a Melbourne Pub suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress
and two locals, Bluey and Bazza, sitting at the next table, turned to look at her.
Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey
The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.
Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza. The woman shook her head No!!!
With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her undies (underpants) and ran his tongue up and down the crack of
her butt.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Bazza said in admiration.......... 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody
Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen
somebody do it.'
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
Real 19th Century Vampire Killing Kit
here
Wild Earth TV - Live From Africa
here
Brasilian girls farting compilation
here
bikes and boobs
here
CODE OF THE GAY
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys. Rather you've been sucking-OFF the boys and spend the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and following the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you're a flaaaaming fag. A cat is like a dog, but gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bon-bon, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you are the poster boy for GAY.
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring-pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A straight man only sucks barbecue ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, cray-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're clearly in a deep homosexual relationship. The world is a man's bathroom; he pisses and shits when and where ever he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome full cream milk) and full aroma. A true pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf cinnamon latte with skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your bung. A real man doesn't have space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in AFL, Aussie cricket squad and V8 Supercar drivers. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you love the cock.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it... you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at retarded drivers or to cut the motherfuckers off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, finger the hot bitch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or talk on the mobile.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films – mon frere, vous sonnez le gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those poonce films is when it contains explicit female nudity OR will absolutely guarantee sex. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.
9. If the first website you check when you get online isn't Orsm.net then face facts – copping a big sticky facial from your boyfriend remains your favourite pastime. What's more if you've never emailed Screamin's Bits then it's probably because you were busy at the gay bath house.
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
CLICK THE PIC TO ENLARGE
STOCK MARKET TERMS - UPDATED FOR 2008
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use.
A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in year four." "No, madam," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15."
A man was going 5 miles an hour over the 45 speed limit when he notices a police car behind him. He speeds up to 60... The police car tails him and turns on the lights. The man speeds up to 70... Police car turns on the siren. The man speeds up to 80 and starts approaching 90...
The policeman in the police car says over his mike... "Buddy, pull over or I'll shoot your tires out". With that, the speeder slows down, pulls his car to the side of the road and turns his ignition off. The policeman turns off his siren, leaves the lights going and unsnaps the holster of his gun as he approaches the man's car.
The policeman says to the speeder "OK, buddy, I've heard ‘em all, but I want to hear YOURS". The man replies "Well, officer, my wife ran off with a policeman a month ago, and I thought you were him bringing her BACK!"
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Madam, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off - kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, why not make the best of it?" So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my garden pruners. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, and say, "Okay buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!"
"Well, that seems only fair...?" said the cop laughing. "Okay. Good luck! Oh by the way - what's in the other bag?" "Well, you know" said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
bigger, better beards
here
Whoreface does a kegstand
here
Very big radio controlled plane
here
Time for a beer break!
here
well thats it for another month
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
WIDGETIZE