Screamin's Bits

G'day all , hope life has been good to you all

let's get into it with this ....



Remember Black Saturday , God Bless All Affected



Ahmed the Arab came to Australia from the Middle East. He was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said: "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes." Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?" The doctor said "You were homesick!"



Took the missus out last nite... one punch... fuckin' beauty.



this is funny in a sick way

Jizz In My Pants

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Pick A New Girl ....... put pointer on Gurl & click

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How about some Deer Butt Aliens.

here

track a partners mobile phone

here



An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son. Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."



What's the best thing about fucking a transvestite... reaching around the front and thinking it's gone all the way through...



Guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for some Viagra. "Got a prescription?" asks the pharmacist. "Nah," says the guy "but here is a picture of my wife, will that do...?"



Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you?" "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole fucking bed by the looks of it!"





Nuke Your Town!

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Make your own funny, creepy or dirty poster

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Obama Action Figures

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Pick a direction ......sound up and use your mouse.

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Heroin Junkies

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Go to Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq illegally

1. Go to Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.
2. Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.
3. Demand that all nurses and doctors be fluent in English, and that all food be cooked according to your special specifications in the hospital
4. Demand free local government forms, bulletins, etc. Be printed in English.
5. Procreate abundantly.
6. Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive Behaviour with, 'It is a cultural thing; you wouldn't understand.'
7. Keep your original identity strong. Fly your previous country's national flag from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window, or on your car bumper.
8. Speak only English at home and in public, and make sure that your children do likewise.
9. Demand classes on English culture in the Muslim school system.
10. Demand a local country driver license or national insurance number equivalent
11. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimise your unauthorised, illegal, presence in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq
12. Drive around with no MOT, tax or insurance and ignore local traffic laws.
13. Insist that local country law enforcement teaches English to all its officers.
14. Organise protest marches against your host country, inciting violence against non-white, non-Christians, and the government that let you in.

Good luck! You'll soon be dead. It would never happen in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq (or any other country in the world for that matter) except in the UK, US, Canada or Australia, because we are run by soft, politically correct politicians that are too scared to 'offend' anyone.



Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Err hi... I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning?" the neighbour began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." "In that case," said the neighbour, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"



Guy says to his wife "Darling, what would you do if I said I'd won the lottery?" Wife replies "I'd take half and leave you" Guy says "Excellent! I got 3 numbers, here's a fiver... now fuck off!"



How do you know when you're dating a hard bitch? When you ask her for a blow job she replies "Nah I'm too tired - just wank in a cup and I'll drink it in the morning".



Sex on the beach

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What Time It Is

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watch tv and clips online

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hows the fucking weather?

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Problem Solved

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Ralph and Mary just got to bed one evening. Ralph suddenly said, "Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff." "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" Mary asked. "I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some other arsehole using my stuff..." "What makes you think I'd marry another arsehole?"





A little girl asked her father: "Daddy how did the human race appear?" The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve. They had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and mum said they developed from monkeys?" The father answered, "Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers."



well that wraps it up for now , call back next month



Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??