30 July
Wednesday, 30. July 2008, 10:51:51
G'day all , hope your weekend and week so far rocked , hope you all aren't to sad now the Pope has gone
well here's this to start with
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found "Two Abreast" on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on "Eyeliner" at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her growler. He backed nothing.
After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. "What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?" she asked. "It paid fortune?" "Shit", he said, "I thought you were telling me the cunt was scratched!"
Speaking While Drunk
We all may be guilty of between 1 and 10 of the things in the third group.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed,"she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did.
He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed. The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"
Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"
Joey says, "To your house!"
MAN'S ANSWER TO BLOW JOBS
1. First of all yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of alot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "QUEFF" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it - be glad I'm not pulling your hair.
5. If you ever tell me what to say and not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth, because you won't have ANY!
6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth and got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterwards.
7. When you're on your period, stuffing your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
8. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for 5 straight days you need all the fluids you can get.
9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we have the shit end of the stick in flavour country.
10. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth (as long as you're careful with those teeth).
11. Play with the balls.
12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
13. Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and your totally useless.
14. Caress the ass too, we like that.
15. Make hay in the sunshine. It's wide awake in the morning. Now, when you get old and fat (and you will) and looking for goh-ron-tee it'll be sound asleep.
16. If you swallow then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face now will you?
17. Leave the thinking to us
FEMALE'S REPLY TO BLOW JOBS
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. So if you get one be grateful.
3. I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. No, I don't have to swallow.
5. My ears are not handles.
6. Do not push the top of my head. Do you really want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care how relaxed you get it is never ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that its "HUMMER WEEK" get it through your head-I'm bloated and feel like shit, so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex right now.
9. Blue balls might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate go jerk off.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "WRECKED IT".
11. Leaving me in the bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behaviour to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it its probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talents. Just enjoy the moment and be happy we're good at it.
13. No, it doesn't taste good!
14. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathise or brag.
16. Just because it's awake when you get up does not mean that I have to kiss it good morning.
Ipod Checks at airport customs
read more here
free wireless internet
here
How to be cool
here
How To Make Moonshine
here
After several weeks of feeling lousy and in pain, John decided that he should finally see a doctor. He asked his wife, Mary, to join him. So after waiting for an hour, they entered the room of the specialist recommended by their friends. The doctor examined John for more than a half hour, took blood test, x-rays and poked and prodded every available spot on his body.
After waiting an hour, the doctor asked Mary to come in to his office to speak privately. "What is it?" Mary asked. "Well, there is good news and bad news,?" said the doctor. "Your husband has a very rare disease, that if he gets very stressed is most likely to become fatal."
"Well, What's the good news", asked Mary." "Practice has shown that if you, as his wife, make sure that his life is stress free, he can go on living a very healthy, normal life. What this means on a practical level is that you have to pamper him and do what he wants. If he gets upset, agree with him. Cook him his favourite foods regularly. Don't argue with him, even when you know you are right. Let him always think he is right and always be respectful of him. Be available regularly in the romantic department and fulfil all his wishes."
Stunned, Mary leaves and heads to the reception room, where John was impatiently waiting. "So." John asked, "What did the doctor tell you?" "You're gonna die!"
Bar-fighting Tips
here
European comment on Islam
here
Extinct, my ASS!
here
Search Zombie Singles
here
The Caffeine Test
here
Interactive thingy!
here
The Wedgie rap
here
Free online book about survival skills
here
Ten Reasons E-mail Is Like A Penis
1. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
2. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
3. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
4. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call e-mail envy.
5. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
7. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
8. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
9. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
10. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
well that's it for another week , hope you can call back soon
How does stain remover know only to remove the stain?
well here's this to start with
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found "Two Abreast" on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on "Eyeliner" at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her growler. He backed nothing.
After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. "What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?" she asked. "It paid fortune?" "Shit", he said, "I thought you were telling me the cunt was scratched!"
Speaking While Drunk
We all may be guilty of between 1 and 10 of the things in the third group.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed,"she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did.
He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed. The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"
Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"
Joey says, "To your house!"
MAN'S ANSWER TO BLOW JOBS
1. First of all yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of alot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "QUEFF" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it - be glad I'm not pulling your hair.
5. If you ever tell me what to say and not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth, because you won't have ANY!
6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth and got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterwards.
7. When you're on your period, stuffing your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
8. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for 5 straight days you need all the fluids you can get.
9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we have the shit end of the stick in flavour country.
10. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth (as long as you're careful with those teeth).
11. Play with the balls.
12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
13. Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and your totally useless.
14. Caress the ass too, we like that.
15. Make hay in the sunshine. It's wide awake in the morning. Now, when you get old and fat (and you will) and looking for goh-ron-tee it'll be sound asleep.
16. If you swallow then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face now will you?
17. Leave the thinking to us
FEMALE'S REPLY TO BLOW JOBS
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. So if you get one be grateful.
3. I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. No, I don't have to swallow.
5. My ears are not handles.
6. Do not push the top of my head. Do you really want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care how relaxed you get it is never ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that its "HUMMER WEEK" get it through your head-I'm bloated and feel like shit, so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex right now.
9. Blue balls might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate go jerk off.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "WRECKED IT".
11. Leaving me in the bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behaviour to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it its probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talents. Just enjoy the moment and be happy we're good at it.
13. No, it doesn't taste good!
14. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathise or brag.
16. Just because it's awake when you get up does not mean that I have to kiss it good morning.
Ipod Checks at airport customs
read more here
free wireless internet
here
How to be cool
here
How To Make Moonshine
here
After several weeks of feeling lousy and in pain, John decided that he should finally see a doctor. He asked his wife, Mary, to join him. So after waiting for an hour, they entered the room of the specialist recommended by their friends. The doctor examined John for more than a half hour, took blood test, x-rays and poked and prodded every available spot on his body.
After waiting an hour, the doctor asked Mary to come in to his office to speak privately. "What is it?" Mary asked. "Well, there is good news and bad news,?" said the doctor. "Your husband has a very rare disease, that if he gets very stressed is most likely to become fatal."
"Well, What's the good news", asked Mary." "Practice has shown that if you, as his wife, make sure that his life is stress free, he can go on living a very healthy, normal life. What this means on a practical level is that you have to pamper him and do what he wants. If he gets upset, agree with him. Cook him his favourite foods regularly. Don't argue with him, even when you know you are right. Let him always think he is right and always be respectful of him. Be available regularly in the romantic department and fulfil all his wishes."
Stunned, Mary leaves and heads to the reception room, where John was impatiently waiting. "So." John asked, "What did the doctor tell you?" "You're gonna die!"
Bar-fighting Tips
here
European comment on Islam
here
Extinct, my ASS!
here
Search Zombie Singles
here
The Caffeine Test
here
Interactive thingy!
here
The Wedgie rap
here
Free online book about survival skills
here
Ten Reasons E-mail Is Like A Penis
1. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
2. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
3. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
4. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call e-mail envy.
5. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
7. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
8. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
9. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
10. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
well that's it for another week , hope you can call back soon
How does stain remover know only to remove the stain?
WIDGETIZE