screamin

May 09

Thursday, 28. May 2009, 12:30:44

OMG , an early post

G'day all , hope life has been good to you

My computer came home with a few problems , so it back in the shop again , so I have been flying around the net grabbing stuff for this month , I have shitloads on the other pc . So i hope this this post gives you a laugh and warms ya heart , coz its darn farkin cold here downunder .

So lets start with this a problem worldwide and getting bigger here ......................

The World Health Organisation advises swine flu sufferers that standing in the sun too long will make your skin become crispy and delicious.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial
stuff around. Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading. Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go
for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because
alcohol kills germs. So…… I put on my mask, walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu - ignore it. It's just spam.

This is funny , by the muppets

Swine Flu Fight Song

here

and another nut

here

and get your swine flu shirts

here

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."

'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea.
It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

Paddy was looking for work, and his mate told him that they needed someone up at the Blacksmiths. Paddy went to see the bloke, and said, "My mate tells me your looking for someone to work here." "Yes, that's right." said the Blacksmith, "Can you shoe Horses?""I'm not sure," said Paddy, "but I once told a Donkey to fuck off."

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Shakin' Those Titties

here

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
As the husband puts a gun to the naked man's head, the wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season football season tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership and HE even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, "What would you do?" The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold."

The Chaser's War On Everything

watch online or download

here

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

Dan walks into his bedroom after his morning shower and says to Deb "You know love... every time I pass a mirror I get a hard on". She replies "I'm not surprised darling... even your dick thinks you're a cunt!"

A man walks into his doctor’s office after having taken several tests to learn the results. The doctor asks the man to sit down. "I have some bad news for you, Mr. Phillips. I am afraid that you have cancer and Alzheimer’s disease." The man replies, "Well, at least I don’t have cancer."

Clare Werbelof .....chk chk boom gurl

Clare Werbelof videos

original shooting news crew video

here

hardstyle mix

here

boom boom shake the room remix

here

Well thats it for another month , if you want to send me anything send it here and mark it blog post as alot have gone to my spam folder , take care

No comments

May 09

Thursday, 14. May 2009, 11:42:36

G'day all , sorry again for the late post , my pc is still getting repaired , I'm starting to think the wanker has kept it , suppose i shouldn't say that he's a top bloke and darn cheap . Again it will be a small post but hopefully enjoyable , so lets get on with it , with this

How do we know two wrongs don't make a right? Black couples don't have white children.

A little boy with terminal cancer was sitting in his lounge room and his mum walks in. She says to him "Son, tomorrow is a very special day. If you pray really hard tonight, your cancer will be gone tomorrow". So the little boy runs upstairs and starts praying by his bedside. He prays all night until he finally falls asleep, his little hands still in the praying position. When he wakes up, his mother drives him to the doctor. The doctor does some tests, checks some results and says "Sorry sonny, you still have cancer and are going to die". The little boy looks up to his mum, tears welling in his eyes and says "But mum, you said if I prayed hard my cancer would be healed...?" His mum reaches down and ruffles the boys thinning hair and says: "I know son... APRIL FOOL!"

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?" Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?" "Viens a moi," replies Nancy. "Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?" At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French." Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"

I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki. It's just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, a Scotsman a Scot or a Frenchman a cunt.

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way" The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."
He immediately drops his pants and replies, "Look at this! Still in the CRATE!!"

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race.
The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.
The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out.
Twenty minutes later, the blonde reaches the end and gets out.

The judge says,

"The gold medal goes to the brunette,

the silver medal goes to the redhead,

and the bronze medal goes to the blonde".

The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser or anything,
but I think the other girls were using their arms!"

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"