WAKE UP!!! (Why don't you put on a little makeup?)
Saturday, 30. May 2009, 04:22:05
Ugh, I kinda feel like I'm gonna puke. Prolly becuae I kinda just argued with two of my closest friends...
I just need to talk and get it all out, okay? If you wanna listen, well, then, by all means, pull up a chair, mate!! (Lol.)
I'll start off by saying I don;t know how I feel? (Really?) Yeah.
I don;t think it's that I'm changing. I think I just kidan woke up.
Today I realized that people don;t like me. No- Don't say it's not true. It is.
The way suzu explained it to me was that by not inviting me out with them when they go and drink and stuff makes them feel less guilty. Well, it makes me feel shitty.
I'm sorry if I acted kidna crappy at prom; I know I did. that day just sucked all around, okay? I realised at the last second how foolish it was and didn't want to go. I looked like a retard and everyone kidan paired off. I felt like the eleventh wheel, okay? I didn't wanna steal all of your dates. That would've made me feel like an asshole.
I feel like an asshole, now, though, writing this. I just need to. If any of you read this, just know I'm not mad: Just frustrated beyond belief.
Pretty much all the people around where I am my age like to drink. I don;t. So? Why couldn't you still invite me? Maybe I would.
I just feel like recently I kidan woke up. Yeah, I believe certain stuff, but WHY? Why NOT? Why can't I try something different? That makes ME the horrible person? Maybe I'm NOT doing it for you, but because I FEEL LIKE IT!!!
I didnt even comlain about the smoking today until I almost lost a lung. I have asthma. Crucify me, dammit!!!!
It's just that peopel seem to gravitate AWAY from me. I hung out with this guy I've been iming and txting (I met hit through my other friend) for the first time today and it just seemed like he liked Suzu better. And when I was kidan lost in thought on the car ride back to my house wiht ehr and Miho she kept asking what was wrong; so I told her. People just don;t like me. They always like her better, at elast.
She says everyone loves me. Well, you can love someone and still not want to hang around them.
I really have changed I think. I've stoped bugging one of my friends about drinking. Hell, I even drank some in Mexico. I only made one of my freinds stop smoking becusae that would most definately shorten her life.
I don't always tell you that what you're (everyone) doing is stupid becuae I really like you guys and I don't want you all to dislike me.
And this is where i end up. Well, thanks a lot, I guess.
All of you ca pull shit and you just tell me I'll regret it later and realize I got it right the first time.
What if that's not good ebough for me anymore. What if i wanna do some stuff. Maybe not allll of it, but a little. Are you really gonna tell me no? When you've bin doing it al along?
Really? Isn't that a bit hypocritical?
What do you mean that I'll find friends who like me more. I don;t know and it just sucks.
Whatever. I'm gonna go to bed before i realy do puke. Or cry. I dunno which would be worse at this point.
I don;t thinkt aht you get that maybe for once I don;t want to be the responsible one. I just want to be like the rest of you. Maybe not change tha much, but, I guess, embrace who you guys are. is that so hard ot get?
I just want to be able to do whatever the fuck I want. all of you feel that way. Why won't you let me?
What I hate most is being the last one out. I don;t say anything becuase I don;t want to kill everything.
So eyah, I sat down for the slow dances at prom. Standing up there was just too awkward for me. Go ahead. Kill me. What do I care?
I feel like an asshole for writing this, anyway.
I'm not allowed to do anything different, but I'm the one being judgemental. Great.
Maybe if you stopped treating me like I'm some kidn fo moron inhibited by my morals I would stopacting like it/
Just becuae i believe evrything doesn't mean I'm never gonna do it.
I believed in God at one point, infallibly, you know.
~Shigen
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Song of the Day
Chop Suey
By: System of a Down
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(83%)
WIDGETIZE
Anonymous # 30. May 2009, 10:18
I don't want you all to dislike me.
Dont worry! You're cool. :yes: Nobody hates you. :)
Aadil # 30. May 2009, 11:50
If you can keep your head
when all about
you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men
doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting
too;
If you can wait and not be tired by
waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in
lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to
hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk
too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams
your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts
your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and
disaster
And treat those two imposters just the
same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've
spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for
fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life
to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout
tools;
If you can make one heap of all your
winnings
And risk it on one turn of
pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your
beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve
and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are
gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in
you
Except the Will which says to them:
"Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep
your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common
touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can
hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too
much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance
run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's
in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man
my
son!
by Rudyard Kipling
.
Cois # 30. May 2009, 15:59
theoddbod # 30. May 2009, 23:36
Andrew Nguyen # 31. May 2009, 03:05