Monday, January 3, 2011 7:55:54 PM
I wish I could say that this was going to be a happy and light blog but I'm pretty sure it won't be. I'm miserable and hurting and just tired of everything. Tired of my skin issues, I mean. Last night was the final straw and I decided I'm going to see my dermatologist today and ask to be admitted for treatment. I'm on antibiotics for what I have but they're clearly not helping. I haven't had an itch free night since...you know, I'm not honestly sure when. If I'm admitted I'll be giving antibiotics via IV and would stay at least two days. Don't really have the cash for this right now but I'm to the point I'm actually saying I'd rather someone just kill me than I have to suffer through another night of itching and scratching and bleeding and hurting. I HATE THIS! This skin crap is even worse than the suffering I went through with radiation. Honestly. Oh and by the way I'm supposed to have a checkup tomorrow to find out if I'm cancer free or not but rescheduled that for Saturday morning. Gotta get my skin happier first.
Anyway the weekend ended up not being all that great but I've had worse. I'm not going to really go into details though. It is what it is. There was one good thing that came of it though. Had a long talk with Grandfather (Mom's Dad) about things and he's going to add my name to his church's prayer list. He called Mom after he called me and she's not happy he's doing that but honestly, I am. She's also not happy that I even really talked to him but that's another story. He's the only grandparent I have left anymore and even though I can't say that I love him (how do you love a guy who talks to you two or three times a year and can't return a letter or phone call?) or that I'll ever even meet him, it's nice to have even more support. Mostly though it was just nice to have someone actually concerned about how I'm doing and not make me feel bad for daring to say that I'm unhappy. I love my mom, of course, but the lack of support I get from her takes its toll on me.
Guess that's about it for now. Hope everyone's having a better 2011 than I am so far!