Why Men Cheat
Sunday, 4. October 2009, 19:13:59
The age old question of why men cheat can be difficult to answer. Infidelity touches all people, young, old, rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, everything in between, and all races. Both men and women have been unfaithful for all time, and cheating in their marriages ever since the institution was invented. We live in a society where many people simply don't try anymore. It’s easier to make an excuse than it is to cause change, but no matter what excuse is used to rationalize cheating it invariably comes back to free will, a choice has to be made.
A man who cheats on his partner and has an affair with another woman has made a choice. It's a choice he knows is wrong, whether he is young and immature or an older man full of wisdom. Whether he is a newlywed or married thirty years, dating one week or in a long term relationship. It all comes down to a decision he has to make about how committed he is to the relationship and how much he values the marriage commitment.
I don't believe that all men cheat just for the sex. They may be looking for something they aren't getting at home. Attention, love, support, friendship, the need to feel wanted, or it may be purely sex. Who knows? Sometimes you simply can’t rationalize why men cheat. Some men will cheat no matter how well they have it, no matter the sex quantity or quality, no matter how perfect a partner or life that they have. I can’t speak for all men, but I think that most men will have the urge to cheat at one time or another. Whether they act on this desire or not will come down to the individual, his willpower, beliefs, etc. the desire will come nonetheless.
This blog shouldn’t be used as a list of excuses or justifications for cheating, but to provide some answers when you find yourself asking why men cheat. Sometimes it can be a single simple reason, other times a complex combination of reasons. Here is my list of why men cheat on women,
It’s cheaper to keep her - In many cases it’s just less expensive to coexist with a despised spouse than it is to get a divorce. Fear of monetary loss is a big reason why men cheat and just hope they don’t get caught with their hand in the cookie jar. In his mind this may be as close to a win-win situation as he can get.
Sex - Plain and simple, why men cheat may be purely for sex. Whether you are giving it to them constantly or rarely, whether you give them wild and kinky fantasy sex or plain and ordinary missionary sex. A man is able to have sex with another woman without having feelings for her, and without affecting how he feels toward his partner.
Incompatibility - Perhaps you didn’t have as much in common with him as you thought, at least he doesn’t think so. Sometimes two people can grow apart without even realizing it. Maybe he has met someone whom he feels shares his common interests.
Internet safety - Even though it is one of the easier ways to get caught, guys feel safe flirting from their own keyboards. An untraditional affair such as a cyber affair does not require the advance preparation that a traditional affair does and seems easier to conceal. While it may seem harmless, it can easily spin out of control. A website catering tomarried individuals seeking an online affair is just a click away.
Instant gratification - Why men cheat can be tied to impulsive behavior. He gives no thought to the repercussions of his actions, he sees someone he wants and just goes for it with no heed to his current relationship.
Too much arguing - Men may cheat if a woman is overly critical of them, or gets into a confrontational mode to resolve every problem. Who want’s to be around someone who is constantly on them about one thing or another?
Not enough attention - Contrary to what you may believe male infidelity doesn’t just have to be about the sex. The truth of the matter is that many men are getting regular sex from their partner and are also having sex with someone else. A man may cheat because he no longer gets the attention he needs at home.
Fallen out of love - Some men need to feel that “in love”feeling. Once the marriage becomes comfortable, they go looking for the excitement of new love, rather than put their energies into the current relationship.
Revenge - He believes in an eye for an eye. A man may cheat as a means of punishing his partner for hurting him in some way, or as payback for being cheated on.
Not enough sex - If he isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, a man may have an affair.
Boring sex - Sometimes why men cheat is because they want to try new things that their partner won’t try.
He has been forgiven in the past - Since you have allowed it in the past and have forgiven him for it, he is much more likely to do it again. He knows that if he pleads with you enough that you will forgive him of cheating.
Low self esteem - Men who have a low self esteem may lack a solid identity and are unsure of what they want in life. They begin looking for validation of worth outside of their relationship and have an affair with the intention of building self esteem. Seeking peer approval is why men cheat in some cases, having one woman simply is not enough for them.
Lack of willpower - Some women will seek out married men, and one of the tactics she will use is to attack his manhood to get what she wants. She may say “he is kept on a leash”or“he is “whipped” Etc. A man will often go along with her advances for fear of being ridiculed if he doesn’t.
Conflict of perception - What a woman perceives her man wanting or needing may be quite different from what he wants or needs. This is due to dishonesty and/or lack of communication. He may have inaccurate perceptions of his mate, perhaps he perceives that she is bored with him.
The thrill of an affair - Some men are drawn to the challenge and excitement of having an affair. The risk of getting caught alone can cause some men to cheat.
Trophy hunting - In youth, some men are all about trophy hunting. Whether it is a check mark in an address book, notches on a bedpost, photos, etc. They are more interested in the number of girls they have bedded as a means to prove their manhood to themselves and others. Some men will never move out of this phase, and will continue to acquire trophies.
Fear of commitment - They want a secure home and all things that come with it, but are afraid of being tied down to one person.
The “accidental” affair - They don’t go out looking for an affair but get caught up in the moment and before they know it they are in over their heads.
Boredom - He may be bored with his routine lifestyle, and seeking to add the excitement of an affair.
Peer pressure - Although it may seem silly, if his friends are cheating he may well follow.
Fear of getting old - Men may cheat to prove to themselves or to their partners that they still have “it.” They see their sexual encounters as proof of their virility, and manhood.
An ego boost - Most any man likes to have his ego boosted every now and then. Sometimes men no longer feel attractive to the opposite sex, and when a woman does show some interest, his hormones can skyrocket causing a rise in his ego. This can of course lead to the ultimate ego boost for him by having sex with her.
Poor role models - Many men grew up watching their father’s and various authority figures cheat and they have an ingrained belief that cheating is just something men do.
To get out - Some guys are just too afraid to face their problems, and they cheat when their marriages are in trouble. If they aren’t getting what they want and need from their wife they find someone else. They know that cheating can be the ultimate relationship killer, and perceive it as a much easier way out than fixing the problems in their marriage.
Ultimately, there is not a good reason why men cheat in their relationships. While some of the above things might be the particular event or situations that cause a man to consider cheating on his partner, having an affair is not the best way to deal with these things. Sometimes, a simple conversation between you and your partner can erase these problems; in other cases, relationship therapy or marriage counseling may be needed. Some cases may simply be beyond reconciling.
WIDGETIZE