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Head lines

Monday, 8. September 2008, 22:43:41

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Even if you've seen these before, they are still hilarious!!!

What DO they teach in journalism courses these days?

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual!) HEADLINES

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No, really?

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over


What a guy!

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death


Those good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant


See if that works any better than a fair trial!

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War Dims Hope for Peace


I can see where it might have that effect!

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile


Ya' think?!

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Cold Wave Linked to temperatures


Who would have thought!

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Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide


They may be on to something!

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge


He probably IS the battery charge!

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group


Weren't they fat enough?!

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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft


That's what he gets for eating those beans!

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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks


Do they taste like chicken?

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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half


Chain-saw Massacre all over again!

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


Boy, are they tall!

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And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through cemetery: Hundreds Dead


Did I read that right?

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No comments

Prison or work? Which one is better?

Thursday, 21. February 2008, 22:44:21

Prison vs Work:


IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK....you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.



IN PRISON...you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK.....you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.



IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK.....you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.



IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.

AT WORK.....you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.



IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK.....you get fired for watching TV and playing games.





IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK.....you can not even speak to your family and friends.



IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK.....you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.



IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK.....you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

30 comments

Only in America... LOL This is funny!!

Thursday, 21. February 2008, 22:34:56

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

9 comments

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity (don't do this) LOL

Thursday, 21. February 2008, 22:12:28

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat,with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, "Rock Bottom".

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of
Insanity.......It's Called! Therapy!!!

3 comments

In Honor of Stupid People. :D

Wednesday, 20. February 2008, 22:01:49

In Honor of Stupid...


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.




On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)




On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)



On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)



On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)





On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)






On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)




On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)




On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of constructionaccidents if
we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those
bulldozers.)





On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)




On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)




On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)




On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)



On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)




On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

7 comments

Ever Wonder? This is funny!! :D

Friday, 15. February 2008, 23:11:15

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why do they call it a driveway when you park on it and a parkway when you drive on it?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

8 comments

Had a good day at school!!

Friday, 15. February 2008, 18:44:00

Yay!! :D I passed a test in math!!! And my grades are really keeping up and good!!! I still feel sick but it's a good day anyway!!:D:smile: Now its 3:11 pm and i'm out of school. Just now checked my grades and I have no Fs, thats a good thing for me!! :smile:


Skullangel

1 comment

Being sick sucks!!! :(

Friday, 15. February 2008, 16:40:58

Today is February the 15th and i feel as sick as a dying dog. I think I may have a really bad cold. I went to school today, and I don't know why but i don't feel so bored all the time anymore. :D That is great. I feel a lot happier. Well got ta go to my next class, wish me luck on a test! :D:smile:

Skullangel :angel:

1 comment

February the 14th.

Wednesday, 13. February 2008, 22:01:08

Well I don't really know what to say about that day. Its mainly for people who are in love with someone. :heart: I know i'm not. People can get pretty weird, I would buy things for people, just to be nice. I felt so bad when one of my friends bought me something for christmas and I didn't get any thing for them. Oh well, I think i'll live. LOL:lol: I don't really hate valentines day. It might just bug me sometimes.:down:

2 comments

My Day today, 2-11-08

Monday, 11. February 2008, 16:39:29

Today my day was fine. I am in school of corse and im bored as hell. But oh well. Hope that something happens today.

1 comment

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