Sprinkling some 'Nunsense' on this World

Dear friends,
Long time no see.

Many things happen of course. And I had no time to update my blog, of course!

The June Retreat is going well, aside the fact that I have slowly turned into a business Nun at the bookshop. I have seen how much I can get done in a day but I also see that I am not the type of person who would be happy in a store for ever. Some people are good with business, I’m not. I do it to make people happy but it’s not my ‘blooming place’!

I went through a lot too these past few days. I work with a sister who’s older in age but who’s also a very young novice and who’s practice of the monastic path is still very young. She’s had a business before and once she steps in the bookshop, it’s as if her habits from before take over… and I stand there watching her losing the spiritual practice she’s built up in the past two years. It’s very hard for me to feel confident in telling her what to do because she’s older and I don’t want to baby sit her. I’m her Elder, but she’s the age of my mom. Imagine the conflict I go through! So I kept everything inside and just wanted to get through the tasks as fast as possible because I don’t want to be the one reminding her about our Fine Manners. But I had to do it anyway. It’s very painful for me to be in a place of authority at such a young age. This is one aspect of my life I do not quite enjoy yet (part of the Elder’s apprenticeship).

Anyway. I did tell her straight that I wouldn’t take more of it and she has to gather her practice again. The bookshop is a meditation hall, not Target. I’m not after money, no one is around here. Of course we can improve a lot of things around here, but it should stay in line with our practice of mindful walking, stopping and busyless mind.
We’re clear in our community that we’d rather lose money than neglecting a Nuns’ practice. We’re not after quantity but quality, and we’re not afraid of being sharp with someone and placing the priority in the right order. For us, training a Nun to keep her freshness and freedom is the most important richness on Earth and if it means making less money, let it be so. Harmony cannot be compromised by material necessities.

I hate doing this. I hate having to remind anyone of what our life is about. We’re Nuns, practitioners of the Way. There’s nothing to achieve, only one breathe at a time, one step at a time. I know I was very strong with her, but it’s now –the Novitiate- that one has to get the right base or else, once the wrong habit is set up it’s very hard to build new ones. We’re all here to transform and practice. If one wants to engage in business, it’s not the place.

One thing that nourished me a lot was the reading of a book that a Dominican Friar sent me about the MBTI personality types and the use of Prayer. The Priest who wrote the book talks about the different personality types and makes a bridge between them and the Ignatian, Franciscan, Augustinian and Thomistic way of prayer. The book is a master piece in finding better ways to understand one’s heart and way to relate to God.

All I can say is that I spent 6 weeks among Dominicans. The Thomistic way of Prayer is from Thomas Aquinas, which is a very ordered, logical way to relate to God. I couldn’t figure if it was also the way Dominic prayed, but it gave me keys to understand and accept why I simply cannot relate to Thomas Aquinas! Thomism, as far as I understood it (I’m still trying to make sense of it, sorry if it isn’t accurate) is scholastic. And it requires me a lot of efforts to follow the natural way Thomas Aquinas goes. Makes complete sense to him and many friars I met, but I’m not sure they saw I was lost!

I’m more into an Ignatian way of Prayer, going towards the Augustinian. Once I got this, I felt better. Of course, some of us who are Ignatian need to walk towards the Thomists to balance and meet the unconscious. In other words, for me to be more balanced in life as a Nun and a Human Being, I need to balance my way of using all my senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind) in connecting to God and logical thinking. Now, I’m amazed I actually survived 6 weeks among Thomists! There were days I was so bored during Mass listening to Preaching… I kept wondering why they went around in circles and begged God to help them spill what they meant. But that’s what they were doing!

It’s simply a different approach to Prayer. Some are ‘left brainers’ and others are ‘right brainers’… you can’t blame a right brainer to be who he/she is!

Reading this book I realize a bit better how my frustration has built up in the past year during mentor-mentee meetings. I understand why certain Dharma Talks are almost like torture and I remember nothing at the end, except images and stories. And I understand better how I remember people and their personalities.

This is not about finding who you are and are not, or finding who you will ally or go against. It’s about understanding that people inter are and their natural ways to function. But also learning to relate to them in such a way that the best of everyone is being used.

This book is a gold mine in mentoring and praying. If only I had known this before! Now I can tell my community the ways I’m sensitive to and respond better when being taught. It’s less frustration for me and others. What a gift.

This friar doesn’t know what keys he’s just given me. it’s probably the most beautiful and meaningful gift in support and help anyone has ever given me. I was looking for these keys for years. Now it seems that I have found new words to explain how I work, relate and perceive the world!