Notes from a small town girl....

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n . Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

I don't know if that is the exact quotation but that is the jist of it. Quite a few years ago our neighbour won quite a bit on the lottery. One of the things he did was put up a new fence between his property and ours. It is a great fence, just the right height. We then built our fences perpendicular to that fence so that everything is nicely enclosed. Sounds great. Well it was until that neighbour moved and a new one came along. The neighbour from hell. Three years ago he built an addition to his house that required a variance from the city to allow him to come 6 inches closer to the property line than he would normally be allowed. He approached me about it very nicely, said what he was proposing, how he would minimize the impact on our property. Long story short, he got his variance but didn't do what he said he was going to do. Needless to say we weren't happy and told him so. Shouldn't have done that as words were exchanged and we haven't spoken since except through some letters in which he said he was going to relocate the above mentioned fence to it's right spot on the property line. We told him to go ahead but not to step on our property to do it. So far he hasn't moved the fence but he did build a short railing along the edge our driveway which is the exact boundary of our property. It is a bit of annoyance but it has forced me to use my mirrors when I back up so that is a good thing. Anyway, two weeks ago I returned home after a stressful day, long drive under difficult conditions and I found garbage including cigarette butts on my front lawn. The only people on my street who smoke are my neighbour and the woman who lives next to him. This was the second time in less than a week that garbage from the woman (her name was on a prescription bottle we found on the lawn) Anyway, I wasn't up to a confrontation with either neighbour so I got my wheel barrow, a shovel and proceeded to scoop up the butts, dirty tissues and cooked pasta noodles . I then dumped them between the two neighbours garbage cans on their lawn so that they could pick them up. Guess I shouldn't have done that because now the neighbour from hell has put up another little railing next to our driveway so that it is now when we drive up we have difficulty opening our vehicle door which we have to do in order to open the gate to access our yard. What should we do?? I really don't want to talk to these people but yesterday when I knew the husband would be at work I decided to phone to ask her the reasoning and perhaps to explain where I was coming from. She wouldn't answer the phone - she must have call display. It is such an awful feeling to live next to someone with whom you have such animosity.

baby moose

This is too cute. My sister-in-law forwarded me this photo that a friend of hers had taken of a fawn that had wandered into a field with some horses. It is amazing that they didn't step on it but they were obviously aware of it's situation. The fawn's mom reclaimed her baby when the horses had moved on so all ended well.