Beginning of the end of Beginning?

What's up with me and being busy all the time =)
i tried to access opera blog and realised i dont even remember
my username and p/w hehe... so here's just checking in on the account
and blog surfing at the same time.. sighz.. nothing in particular
that i want to write just dropping in to say hello..
i'm ok. just applied for school and its starting in Aug.
Can't wait! ... should change my display profile too...
hugs!! ttyl

by the way i've updated my photoblog, do take a look ciaox!

Dear Grandpapa,
I hope you're doing ok down there.I know it's dark and lonely and how I wish i could accompany you. Grandpapa,don't you worry, we will be together soon. You and me and grandmama too. Until then though, don't you miss me too much ok? Cos sometimes I feel you with me,haunting my every thoughts. It's not bad but I just want you to rest in peace. I also know that you feel me all the time. My thoughts are always with you and I'm sorry I haven't gone to visit you in a while. I have so much to do in this world...You must be wondering how is it all that I'm doing. and that is why I am writing you my yearly Grandpapa letter to you

Like every other letter i've written, I would say that I miss you soooooooooo much! I keep on wanting the impossible.Like I want to have you here with me,smiling at me, laughing with me, holding me close to protect me from all harm,keeping me close to you because you don't want me to be hurt from all around me. I want to roll a piece of paper and playfully stuff it in ur nose while you're sleeping and make you sneeze * you always laugh afterwards, our little joke*, I want to hear you tell me how to garden my orchids cos mine never grows as well as yours, I want you to smile at me when I make my little mistakes in life and tell me.."it's alright princess, you will do fine! a little mistake don't hurt you!" .. you always say that to me, i want you to see me fall in love with this wonderful person and tell me that it's alright to love and not be loved in return because I'm at a better position. I want you to tell me your love stories again, and your childhood and how you would bully grandaunt and granduncles *hehe*.. see grandpapa? it's all impossible. All I could do is this, to think of you at every moment of my life, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm confused and even when I'm angry.

Do you remember before you died, a few months back...I visited you in the hospital and we had a nice walk in the garden. You said to me, " When you're happy share it with everyone! When you're sad, share it with ones that's there for you. When you're confused,look deep within yourself because the confidence and belief is there to guide you. When you're angry, don't take it out on anyone even yourself." Those wise words I heed from you. I want to be just like you grandpapa I want to be happy just like you were with grandmama and your little princes and princesses. Our lives were simple back then do you remember? How I long for us all to be together again! Even papa misses you Grandpapa he's not with ur other princess anymore but he misses you just as much!

Uncle Sam is not with us anymore either, I wonder if he's visited you down there It wasn't a pleasant death but he was strong while he could and we were all there for him. I miss him too. He was just like you grandpapa!! The way he talks, walks, laughs, smiles, everything! I love him dear. I didn't cry much at his funeral.. I couldn't bring myself to do much of it. It seems like I'm all out of tears. I cry too much for you grandpapa when i think of it i choked. You two were/are the most wonderful men in my life! and i don't feel like i could survive any loses of my favourite men. What do you think grandpapa? Will i survive all that heartache? I'm forced to be strong because that's what I am but sometimes even the hardest branch breaks...

Grandmama isn't feeling too well and I'll be visiting her over the weekend.She misses you too much too! She doesn't cry though but it's only because she wants to be strong for us all, like she was for you all those 48 yrs of marriage! Did I tell you that one of your bestfriend tried to ask grandma to marry him after your death? heh..she remained loyal to you! I wish i can be as sweet as grandmama..her loyalty prevails all obstacles! She always smile when she talks about you, nothing wrong you did was wrong to her. Do you miss her too grandpapa? i'm sure you do! She always recalls those days when you would bring us to fish! I so suck at it! and i still do! But I must say I have a flair for catching crabs, thanks to you grandpapa! I'm so lucky to get to spend alot of quality time with you when you were alive unlike zul and amira and all my other cousins. Thanks!

Gosh, this turns out to be a very long letter..but I'm sure you don't mind!I have a friend who's a grandpa too, I hope his grandchildren will love him as much as I love you grandpapa and miss him as much as I miss him *Ahem* i mean as much as i miss you! BTW, two nights ago a friend of mine came over for dinner and he had made me 4 half boiled eggs (my favourite), loaf of bread and tea. It reminded me of you.. heh.. do you remember when i was 6? I accidentally threw 2 half boiled eggs at you and you got sooooooo angry at me that you threatened to throw away my kitten if I don't apologize ... you were a bit mean too sometimes.. you were late for work because of me! I love you grandpapa!

I have to go now.. because If I don't I will go on writing forever! I will come visit you next week on Friday (12th oct) before I leave for Japan. If you don't know already, it's festive season next week and I won't even be home only for the weekend though So I will see you then! at least ur grave...but I know you can see me so.. ! I look forward to next week when I can give you this letter too until we meet again in the next world, *hugs and kisses*


Love

Your 1st Little Princess, Nur.