The RANT Section
Thursday, 23. July 2009, 05:15:56
This is where I let off steam, have a good rant, rave, strop, temper tantrum and pointless whine You are more than welcome to add your rant here too and let off steam
STICKY POST
Welcome to Lil L's Profile Wall
Tuesday, 26. May 2009, 02:40:44
Welcome to The Wall !
What you do is up to you ...
Don't worry, the previous 42 posts are now on the Graffiti Corner. They haven't gone missing.
Don't be shy - Be creative
http://www.stimpson-corner.co.uk
Everything from The Paranormal, Chatsite Guide, Silly Stuff, Ds Browser Stuff to a History of Chester-le-street
~ 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What you do is up to you ...
Don't worry, the previous 42 posts are now on the Graffiti Corner. They haven't gone missing.
Don't be shy - Be creative
http://www.stimpson-corner.co.uk
Everything from The Paranormal, Chatsite Guide, Silly Stuff, Ds Browser Stuff to a History of Chester-le-street
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
STICKY POST
Marshall's Bang on the Door™ Blog Bit ....
Thursday, 7. May 2009, 01:32:53
Marshall's Bang on the Door™ Blog Bit ....
Marshall's Fan Site
Like Lil's Profile ... But smaller
About Me
Name: Marshall
Lil's Grandad's middle name. I likes it
Date of Birth : Dunno.
I was taken from a box, May 7th 2008
Place of Birth : MV sports, Castle Brom
(Near Birmingham somewhere.)
Number of Hairs : 1 it ? shaped.
Best Friend(s) : Liz ( Lil L )
Ste, Jon, Sam, Ann & My Brother and Sisters
Stephanie she bossy boots, just coz she the oldest girl. Alex is mean sometime and me no like mean and bossy. Jakey and Poppy play nice.
Likes & Dislikes
Me do watching box, gardening and playing with Lil L
Snuggle times and win Stephy at Rock Paper game. (I think he means winning rock, paper sissors.) Sam gave me light stick so me join in. (I think he means his mini light sabre.) My toys and sitting chair.
Ride suck cleaner and coppy dog. (I think he means sitting on the vacuum cleaner and Copper the dog.) Ds Cross boy like me. (Animal Crossing on the Ds.)
Me no like Boo Boos. (I think he means falling or being hurt.) Friend Boo Boos or sads. (I think he means when his friends are hurt or sad.)
Friends gone. (I think he means if you go somewhere and don't tell him.) No cakey or pop for me. No pull mine hair
Tv, Music, Games & Film
Funny rabbit, duck, pig, hen, cat, bird, on box
(I think he means cartoons.)
Funny bad men, music, no music. Man Boo Boo in chair. Birdy fly away.
Bad men have money, big train, no money on big train, money in big box. Old lady tell off bad men Men get Boo Boo and go away, push on big train. Man Boo Boo on head by big stick fall big train. Old lady keep money. ( At this point took I him to the DVDs and said point ... )
The Ladykillers with Alec Guiness & Peter Sellers. - I see what he means, now!
He also pointed to Joe Pasquale, Paul Zerdin, columbo and Murder by Death.
Dancy tunes like on tar game.
(He means Guitar Hero Rock type music.)
Tar Hero (Guitar Hero), Little dig people (My Sims games and Animal Crossing.) Cars go bang with throw things and boy with green hat in little chair, move stick up down. (After much flustration trying to understand what Marsh means...) He likes Baby Luigi on Mariokart Wii.
oO( That was a chore! I think he needs a voice box fitted. Easier than trying to understand Marshy Sign Speak )
"Bang on the door" products and images are used with the kind permission of The Bang on the door company and are © & ® ™ of http://www.bangonthedoor.com & I'm not connected to them in anyway
Marshy go blog now 
Marshall's Fan Site Like Lil's Profile ... But smaller About Me
Name: Marshall
Lil's Grandad's middle name. I likes it
Date of Birth : Dunno.
I was taken from a box, May 7th 2008
Place of Birth : MV sports, Castle Brom
(Near Birmingham somewhere.)
Number of Hairs : 1 it ? shaped.
Best Friend(s) : Liz ( Lil L )
Ste, Jon, Sam, Ann & My Brother and Sisters
Stephanie she bossy boots, just coz she the oldest girl. Alex is mean sometime and me no like mean and bossy. Jakey and Poppy play nice.
Likes & Dislikes
Me do watching box, gardening and playing with Lil L
Snuggle times and win Stephy at Rock Paper game. (I think he means winning rock, paper sissors.) Sam gave me light stick so me join in. (I think he means his mini light sabre.) My toys and sitting chair.
Ride suck cleaner and coppy dog. (I think he means sitting on the vacuum cleaner and Copper the dog.) Ds Cross boy like me. (Animal Crossing on the Ds.)
Me no like Boo Boos. (I think he means falling or being hurt.) Friend Boo Boos or sads. (I think he means when his friends are hurt or sad.)
Friends gone. (I think he means if you go somewhere and don't tell him.) No cakey or pop for me. No pull mine hair
Tv, Music, Games & Film
Funny rabbit, duck, pig, hen, cat, bird, on box
(I think he means cartoons.)Funny bad men, music, no music.
Man Boo Boo in chair. Birdy fly away. Bad men have money, big train, no money on big train, money in big box. Old lady tell off bad men
Men get Boo Boo and go away, push on big train. Man Boo Boo on head by big stick fall big train. Old lady keep money. ( At this point took I him to the DVDs and said point ... )The Ladykillers with Alec Guiness & Peter Sellers. - I see what he means, now!
He also pointed to Joe Pasquale, Paul Zerdin, columbo and Murder by Death.
Dancy tunes like on tar game.
(He means Guitar Hero Rock type music.)
Tar Hero (Guitar Hero), Little dig people (My Sims games and Animal Crossing.) Cars go bang with throw things and boy with green hat in little chair, move stick up down. (After much flustration trying to understand what Marsh means...) He likes Baby Luigi on Mariokart Wii.
oO( That was a chore! I think he needs a voice box fitted. Easier than trying to understand Marshy Sign Speak )"Bang on the door" products and images are used with the kind permission of The Bang on the door company and are © & ® ™ of http://www.bangonthedoor.com & I'm not connected to them in anyway
Marshy go blog now This is where I let off steam, have a good rant, rave, strop, temper tantrum and pointless whine You are more than welcome to add your rant here too and let off steam
The NOT so Secret Diary of a Panic Attack Sufferer
Wednesday, 24. June 2009, 03:16:32
My Official Diagnosis
(By CPN and Consultant, in 1995, 1998 and again in 2003 until present date)
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Pre-post Natal / Clinical Depression
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Agrophobia (Social disorder, fear of crowds)
The Medication List
200mg Lustral (Zoloft) Daily -
Anti-depressant, Anti-OCD and Anti-Anxiety Drug.
Designed to make happy chemicals remain in the brain longer (aka SSRI)
I've been on and off this medication since 1995. It doesn't mix well with paracetamol, and will either make you
or 
.
5mg Diazapam -up to 3 a day if needed
Anti-Anxiety Drug and a general muscle relaxer.
I've also been off and on this drug since 1995. Doesn't mix with alcohol, and makes you
Highly Addictive.
15mg Meloxicam 1 per day.
Anti-inflamatory medication to relieve back and knee pain. I've been on this drug since 2008.
30mg/500mg Co-Codamol. - Up to 8 a day.
Strong Codine /paracetamol based painkiller.
For knee and back pain.
I've been on this drug since 2008.
Doesn't mix with with Lustral / Zoloft and alcohol and can make you
Highly Addictive.
So what are the disorders ?
Pre-post Natal / Clinical Depression
Obviously Pre-post Natal depression starts before the birth of your child, continues through pregnancy and after your child is born. (This can be suffered by either Father or Mother, although far more rare in males.)
Many people often suffer just the Post-Natal Depression part of the disorder.
Clinical Depression is far more serious than "feeling miserable" from time to time.
These are feelings of extreme sadness, grief or loss that last for months or even years. They are severe enough to interfere with daily life and have a wide range of symptoms. Mental, physical and social.
Bi-polar disorder is an extreme mix of clinical depression and over the top happiness, and a sufferer's mood can alter from 1 hour to the next.
Clinical Depression is more common in teenagers and women. Although suicide is more common in men as they often refuse to get treatment.
You are also more likely to suffer from it if there is a history of it in your family.
General Anxiety Disorder
This is excessive anxiety - usually for no logical reason. And to be honest is the bane of my life.
It has more physical symptoms than mental ones. And these in themselves are frightening, especially when you don't know why they are happening.
Feeling sick with fear, a pounding chest, palpitations, shaking, sweating, chest pain, headaches, fast breathing and de-personalisation are just a few of the symptoms visable with Anxiety Disorder.
As a rule anxiety is normal. - It is your fight or flight reaction which helps to keep you safe, so your body releases adrenaline to help you prepare to run or fight.
G.A.D. symptoms are constant, distressing and affect your everyday life.
They seem develop for no reason, as your brain tells you to release adrenaline and get ready to run, fight or hide.
If at sometime in your past you have suffered a traumatic experience it may manifest later in life as G.A.D if stresses are re-triggered. Of if a family member has suffered with severe anxiety symptoms.
Many people find the symptoms will wax and wane, with good days an bad ones.
Lots of people have long remission periods with no symptoms at all
Agrophobia
This is a fear of being out in public places.
In my case it goes hand in hand with the anxiety disorder. As I became afraid to leave the house due to my anxiety disorder.
I often feel people are staring because they can see how afraid I am.
Compulsive Obsessive Disorder
Again, this goes hand in hand with my anxiety disorder.
It is a need which enters your mind to perform mental or physical behaviour repeatedly. And gives no pleasure to the sufferer.
Repeated handwashing, being a common example of OCD.
Mine however is a little more unusual.
Colour co-ordination.
If my shirt was blue, everything else would HAVE to be blue too. Even my shoes.
To the point where I would have to paint my nails so they would match what I was wearing.
Now however I paint my nails clear, as that goes with everything.
I find, if I am anxious especially if I have to leave the house, the O.C.D will start.
However if I can't find a jacket, shoes or handbag the correct colour, that will often make the problem worse. As I will be anxious about that, as well as the original going out anxiety. Many trips out have failed due to extreme anxiety attacks caused by Agrophobia leading to O.C.D
Does that mean your nuts
or dangerous, should we be scared?
No. I'm not nuts.
I'm constantly scared is all.
Dangerous, No. Only to myself, as I forget things. Mainly due to de-personalisation.
(Putting my hands through kettle steam and things like that.)
Did you know that 1 person in every 10 has suffered with some form of depressive illness?
And 8 in 10 will never suffer again if it is treated correctly!
Treatments
Do nothing and hope for the best ...
NOT Recommended - been there done that, but sometimes it can work.
Diaphramatic Breathing / Relaxation
100% recommended and it WORKS.
Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Trains your brain to re-think.
Worked for me
Not always suitable / easy for everyone.
Distraction Therapy
100% recommended
Colouring in works for me & Johnny Depp.
Medications
/ 
NOT always needed or suitable for everyone.
Sometimes Yoga, CBT, counselling or a change in diet works wonders.
Counselling / Talking Therapy
Worked for me
Not always suitable / easy for everyone.
*My best advice*
Know yourself and how YOU feel.
Remember what works for you.
DO NOT listen to people who have printed a load of stuff from the internet, read it and then consider themselves "Experts".
(By CPN and Consultant, in 1995, 1998 and again in 2003 until present date)
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Pre-post Natal / Clinical Depression
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Agrophobia (Social disorder, fear of crowds)
The Medication List
200mg Lustral (Zoloft) Daily -
Anti-depressant, Anti-OCD and Anti-Anxiety Drug.
Designed to make happy chemicals remain in the brain longer (aka SSRI)
I've been on and off this medication since 1995. It doesn't mix well with paracetamol, and will either make you
or .5mg Diazapam -up to 3 a day if needed
Anti-Anxiety Drug and a general muscle relaxer.
I've also been off and on this drug since 1995. Doesn't mix with alcohol, and makes you
Highly Addictive.
15mg Meloxicam 1 per day.
Anti-inflamatory medication to relieve back and knee pain. I've been on this drug since 2008.
30mg/500mg Co-Codamol. - Up to 8 a day.
Strong Codine /paracetamol based painkiller.
For knee and back pain.
I've been on this drug since 2008.
Doesn't mix with with Lustral / Zoloft and alcohol and can make you
Highly Addictive.
So what are the disorders ?
Pre-post Natal / Clinical Depression
Obviously Pre-post Natal depression starts before the birth of your child, continues through pregnancy and after your child is born. (This can be suffered by either Father or Mother, although far more rare in males.)
Many people often suffer just the Post-Natal Depression part of the disorder.
Clinical Depression is far more serious than "feeling miserable" from time to time.
These are feelings of extreme sadness, grief or loss that last for months or even years. They are severe enough to interfere with daily life and have a wide range of symptoms. Mental, physical and social.
Bi-polar disorder is an extreme mix of clinical depression and over the top happiness, and a sufferer's mood can alter from 1 hour to the next.
Clinical Depression is more common in teenagers and women. Although suicide is more common in men as they often refuse to get treatment.
You are also more likely to suffer from it if there is a history of it in your family.
General Anxiety Disorder
This is excessive anxiety - usually for no logical reason. And to be honest is the bane of my life.
It has more physical symptoms than mental ones. And these in themselves are frightening, especially when you don't know why they are happening.
Feeling sick with fear, a pounding chest, palpitations, shaking, sweating, chest pain, headaches, fast breathing and de-personalisation are just a few of the symptoms visable with Anxiety Disorder.
As a rule anxiety is normal. - It is your fight or flight reaction which helps to keep you safe, so your body releases adrenaline to help you prepare to run or fight.
G.A.D. symptoms are constant, distressing and affect your everyday life.
They seem develop for no reason, as your brain tells you to release adrenaline and get ready to run, fight or hide.
If at sometime in your past you have suffered a traumatic experience it may manifest later in life as G.A.D if stresses are re-triggered. Of if a family member has suffered with severe anxiety symptoms.
Many people find the symptoms will wax and wane, with good days an bad ones.
Lots of people have long remission periods with no symptoms at all
Agrophobia
This is a fear of being out in public places.
In my case it goes hand in hand with the anxiety disorder. As I became afraid to leave the house due to my anxiety disorder.
I often feel people are staring because they can see how afraid I am.
Compulsive Obsessive Disorder
Again, this goes hand in hand with my anxiety disorder.
It is a need which enters your mind to perform mental or physical behaviour repeatedly. And gives no pleasure to the sufferer.
Repeated handwashing, being a common example of OCD.
Mine however is a little more unusual.
Colour co-ordination.
If my shirt was blue, everything else would HAVE to be blue too. Even my shoes.
To the point where I would have to paint my nails so they would match what I was wearing.
Now however I paint my nails clear, as that goes with everything.
I find, if I am anxious especially if I have to leave the house, the O.C.D will start.
However if I can't find a jacket, shoes or handbag the correct colour, that will often make the problem worse. As I will be anxious about that, as well as the original going out anxiety. Many trips out have failed due to extreme anxiety attacks caused by Agrophobia leading to O.C.D
Does that mean your nuts
or dangerous, should we be scared? No. I'm not nuts.
I'm constantly scared is all.
Dangerous, No. Only to myself, as I forget things. Mainly due to de-personalisation.
(Putting my hands through kettle steam and things like that.)
Did you know that 1 person in every 10 has suffered with some form of depressive illness?
And 8 in 10 will never suffer again if it is treated correctly!
Treatments
Do nothing and hope for the best ...
NOT Recommended - been there done that, but sometimes it can work.
Diaphramatic Breathing / Relaxation
100% recommended
and it WORKS.Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Trains your brain to re-think.
Worked for me
Not always suitable / easy for everyone.
Distraction Therapy
100% recommended
Colouring in works for me & Johnny Depp.
Medications
/ NOT always needed or suitable for everyone.Sometimes Yoga, CBT, counselling or a change in diet works wonders.
Counselling / Talking Therapy
Worked for me
Not always suitable / easy for everyone.
*My best advice*
Know yourself and how YOU feel.
Remember what works for you.
DO NOT listen to people who have printed a load of stuff from the internet, read it and then consider themselves "Experts".
Get to know Lil L with some crappy quiz answers
Wednesday, 3. June 2009, 21:36:42
Everyone gets bored at some point - so here are some of my really crap internet quiz answers You never know you might learn something new about me .. or not
A Curious Conversation ... - Beware of chat room nutters !
Sunday, 3. May 2009, 01:30:41
This is a copy of a Chat room conversation I had a few years ago.
(Which I discovered hidden on my hard drive, while having a clear out.)
It concerns a male chatter I was friends with, I made the mistake of giving this person my home telephone number and I was hounded day and night.
Another young girl also made the same mistake, giving this person her number, and then arranging to meet him.
I thought you may find it interesting. - Names have been altered obviously.
Apart from me, I'm sea_of_souls
Sea_of_Souls: Hi, I was a friend of *k* he said you broke up. Are you alright?
jess: yes im ok now,
Sea_of_Souls: He called me while you were there and I was really pleased for you both.
jess: he had a load of girls ringing him and pictures of them when i was talking he would say shut ur mouth
Sea_of_Souls: oh hun I am so sorry
jess: u dont have to be soz
jess: thank u for talking to me
Sea_of_Souls: It's okay, no problem. Was he drinking when he was pushing you around?
jess: ur the only one of his friends being nice to me
jess: yes
Sea_of_Souls: a lot of drink or just a little bit of drink
jess: a LOT
Sea_of_Souls: I've chatted to him on cam and watched him drink and had the mouthing off phone calls and I've never met him.
Sea_of_Souls: have you told anyone what happened?
jess: just my parents and u
Sea_of_Souls: I only hear what he wants to tell me - I never hear both sides of the story.
jess: yes he shows off
jess: he made me have sex with him
Sea_of_Souls: he didn't hurt you or anything did he - I mean roughly like hitting or being agressive if you see what I mean, sorry, wrong choice of words really
jess: no not like that
Sea_of_Souls: well that is one small thing to be thankful for
jess: i was not aloud to leave the room until i gave in to him
Sea_of_Souls: in your house or at the hotel where he was working?
jess: hes not the same person where he works on here or on the fone
jess: at the hotel where he worked he locked the room
Sea_of_Souls: oh god
- I've had a gut feeling for weeks now and I prayed I was wrong
jess: what do u mean
Sea_of_Souls: you know when something just isn't right - but you can't put your finger on what is wrong.
jess: yes i know what u mean
Sea_of_Souls: he's spent hours on the phone to me crying saying how much he loves you and you dumped him
jess: i had to
Sea_of_Souls: he says he can't understand why you don't want anything to do with him But I see why !
jess: he was sacked from that hotel
Sea_of_Souls: yeah - he's in a mental hospital
jess: in a mental hospital how do u know
Sea_of_Souls: he didn't work at that hotel -he lived there
Sea_of_Souls: because he has been ringing my phone off the hook since the minute he discovered you weren't going out with him anymore
jess: yes he did work there and lived there the money was in ur hand if u know what i mean
jess: she sacked him when he was with me
jess: for not telling her he went and theft from her too
Sea_of_Souls: yeah I know what you mean - she sacked him because he stayed at your house all weekend apparently, he didn't tell me it was because he'd been stealing from her
jess: he stayed one nite because he invited himself, only one nite
jess: how do u know his in a mental hospital
Sea_of_Souls: he called me and I called kent police who picked him up and sectioned him - or so he says but that could be a lie too
jess: no they rang me up
Sea_of_Souls: They called you after I called them?
Sea_of_Souls: and *k* cried because you wanted nothing to do with him
jess: yes they called me when they got him and the police said i had a lucky escape as hes mental
jess: and not to talk to him or see them again
Sea_of_Souls: good move - stick with it hun stay away from him .
Sea_of_Souls: It must have been horrible for you. :he says you were all lovely dovey and hugging him and kissing him and telling him you loved him and that was why he didn't understand why you wanted nothing to do with him
jess: he had girls ringing him carried pictures of them too
Sea_of_Souls: yeah he's still saying that now - and I though oh well you don't need me do you and so I disconnected my home number
Sea_of_Souls: he says some ex woman is visiting him in hospital
Sea_of_Souls: and he has some friend in wales or something who rings him apparently
Sea_of_Souls: but he still says you dumped him and he loved you so much and he don't know why you dumped him
jess: yes i did dump him
Sea_of_Souls: after forcing himself on to you and practically following you home so you couldn't get away from him I would dump him too
Sea_of_Souls: I bet you were just please to get away from him
jess: also he ask me to marry him start trying for a baby and move in with me after a day he knew me
Sea_of_Souls: *k* doesn't know I'm talking to you. but I did talk to an ex of his on here and I told her I was going to see if I could find you and see if you were okay
Sea_of_Souls: bloody hell he asked you after 10 hours ... ! mind you he asked if he could stay here and I said NO!
jess: im glad u did
jess: what his ex chat name on here
Sea_of_Souls: k.c do you know her?
jess: know not yet thanks for telling me so if she talks to me i know who she is
Sea_of_Souls: apparently he used to hit her and everything
jess: is her ok now
Sea_of_Souls: yeah she has a boyfriend and is getting married - so she is okay.
jess: good
Sea_of_Souls: I will tell k.c I have spoken to you and that you are alright. she will be relieved.
jess: thanks say i said hi ur a very lovely person
Sea_of_Souls: I try to be.
jess: u are
Sea_of_Souls: When I spoke to k.c and her boyfriend I said that I had a gut feeling that something was very very wrong.
jess: got to go thanks for talking to me and im ok honest
Sea_of_Souls: You welcome hun I'm glad you are okay, take hun and look after yourself xx *hug*
jess: take care of urself bye xx
Sea_of_Souls: bye hun xx
(Which I discovered hidden on my hard drive, while having a clear out.)
It concerns a male chatter I was friends with, I made the mistake of giving this person my home telephone number and I was hounded day and night.
Another young girl also made the same mistake, giving this person her number, and then arranging to meet him.
I thought you may find it interesting. - Names have been altered obviously.
Apart from me, I'm sea_of_souls
Sea_of_Souls: Hi, I was a friend of *k* he said you broke up. Are you alright?
jess: yes im ok now,
Sea_of_Souls: He called me while you were there and I was really pleased for you both.
jess: he had a load of girls ringing him and pictures of them when i was talking he would say shut ur mouth
Sea_of_Souls: oh hun I am so sorry
jess: u dont have to be soz
jess: thank u for talking to me
Sea_of_Souls: It's okay, no problem. Was he drinking when he was pushing you around?
jess: ur the only one of his friends being nice to me
jess: yes
Sea_of_Souls: a lot of drink or just a little bit of drink
jess: a LOT
Sea_of_Souls: I've chatted to him on cam and watched him drink and had the mouthing off phone calls and I've never met him.
Sea_of_Souls: have you told anyone what happened?
jess: just my parents and u
Sea_of_Souls: I only hear what he wants to tell me - I never hear both sides of the story.
jess: yes he shows off
jess: he made me have sex with him
Sea_of_Souls: he didn't hurt you or anything did he - I mean roughly like hitting or being agressive if you see what I mean, sorry, wrong choice of words really
jess: no not like that
Sea_of_Souls: well that is one small thing to be thankful for
jess: i was not aloud to leave the room until i gave in to him
Sea_of_Souls: in your house or at the hotel where he was working?
jess: hes not the same person where he works on here or on the fone
jess: at the hotel where he worked he locked the room
Sea_of_Souls: oh god
- I've had a gut feeling for weeks now and I prayed I was wrongjess: what do u mean
Sea_of_Souls: you know when something just isn't right - but you can't put your finger on what is wrong.
jess: yes i know what u mean
Sea_of_Souls: he's spent hours on the phone to me crying saying how much he loves you and you dumped him
jess: i had to
Sea_of_Souls: he says he can't understand why you don't want anything to do with him But I see why !
jess: he was sacked from that hotel
Sea_of_Souls: yeah - he's in a mental hospital
jess: in a mental hospital how do u know
Sea_of_Souls: he didn't work at that hotel -he lived there
Sea_of_Souls: because he has been ringing my phone off the hook since the minute he discovered you weren't going out with him anymore
jess: yes he did work there and lived there the money was in ur hand if u know what i mean
jess: she sacked him when he was with me
jess: for not telling her he went and theft from her too
Sea_of_Souls: yeah I know what you mean - she sacked him because he stayed at your house all weekend apparently, he didn't tell me it was because he'd been stealing from her
jess: he stayed one nite because he invited himself, only one nite
jess: how do u know his in a mental hospital
Sea_of_Souls: he called me and I called kent police who picked him up and sectioned him - or so he says but that could be a lie too
jess: no they rang me up
Sea_of_Souls: They called you after I called them?
Sea_of_Souls: and *k* cried because you wanted nothing to do with him
jess: yes they called me when they got him and the police said i had a lucky escape as hes mental
jess: and not to talk to him or see them again
Sea_of_Souls: good move - stick with it hun stay away from him
.Sea_of_Souls: It must have been horrible for you. :he says you were all lovely dovey and hugging him and kissing him and telling him you loved him and that was why he didn't understand why you wanted nothing to do with him
jess: he had girls ringing him carried pictures of them too
Sea_of_Souls: yeah he's still saying that now - and I though oh well you don't need me do you and so I disconnected my home number
Sea_of_Souls: he says some ex woman is visiting him in hospital
Sea_of_Souls: and he has some friend in wales or something who rings him apparently
Sea_of_Souls: but he still says you dumped him and he loved you so much and he don't know why you dumped him
jess: yes i did dump him
Sea_of_Souls: after forcing himself on to you and practically following you home so you couldn't get away from him I would dump him too
Sea_of_Souls: I bet you were just please to get away from him
jess: also he ask me to marry him start trying for a baby and move in with me after a day he knew me
Sea_of_Souls: *k* doesn't know I'm talking to you. but I did talk to an ex of his on here and I told her I was going to see if I could find you and see if you were okay
Sea_of_Souls: bloody hell he asked you after 10 hours ... ! mind you he asked if he could stay here and I said NO!
jess: im glad u did
jess: what his ex chat name on here
Sea_of_Souls: k.c do you know her?
jess: know not yet thanks for telling me so if she talks to me i know who she is
Sea_of_Souls: apparently he used to hit her and everything
jess: is her ok now
Sea_of_Souls: yeah she has a boyfriend and is getting married - so she is okay.
jess: good
Sea_of_Souls: I will tell k.c I have spoken to you and that you are alright. she will be relieved.
jess: thanks say i said hi ur a very lovely person
Sea_of_Souls: I try to be.
jess: u are
Sea_of_Souls: When I spoke to k.c and her boyfriend I said that I had a gut feeling that something was very very wrong.
jess: got to go thanks for talking to me and im ok honest
Sea_of_Souls: You welcome hun I'm glad you are okay, take hun and look after yourself xx *hug*
jess: take care of urself bye xx
Sea_of_Souls: bye hun xx
Some of my poems
Sunday, 3. May 2009, 00:11:27
Some of my poems About Me
A big warm smile to friends old and new.
I thought I'd write you a poem to say "How-do-you-do?"
My name is Liz and I live in Oldbury
I love cartoons, just like Tom and Jerry
I was born in a place called Chester-le-street
I love comedy films - Adam Sandler is sweet
I'm a bit of a supernatural fan
To be a ghosthunter is part of my plan
I'm interested in things different and strange
Not blood and guts tho' coz that makes me cringe
I like Halloween and that time of year
But I hate bath sponges covered in hair,
cold washing up water I dislike a bit
meat with squidgy bits make me throw a fit
I enjoy drawing, reading and gardening too
Listening to music is what I like to do
Crooners and oldies from times gone by
to rock, punk and metal - I cannot deny
I've lived with panic disorder since 1988
I'm not quite recovered yet, but it's never too late
I guess that it's time to end my little tale
Just time to say - Feel free to E-mail!
Dear God
Dear God,
Oh dear god you hear me weep? It's late and I'm tired but too scared to sleep.
I'm afraid of things I can not see, I'm wondering what's happening to me.
I need some help to get me through tonight, my brain tells me fight or flight.
What did I do to deserve such pain? Please tell me, so I don't do it again.
I thought I was a good person, but I guess I was wrong, may be I was fooling myself all along?
I hate myself for feeling like this, I'm scared and alone in a cold dark abyss.
I'm losing my mind and I'm losing control, down in the dumps, in a deep dark hole.
Well, it's late now, so time to relax. Oh dear god help me to survive these attacks.
Good Luck Blessings
Good Luck Blessings
I walked along the road today
and 4 Four-leaved clovers came my way.
So I stopped to collect them all
in the grass, green and tall.
Then I wondered what to do
and who should I give them to?
So I carried on my walk.
On the way I stopped to talk.
4 new people did I greet
as I walked along the street.
All 4 clovers I gave away
with good luck blessings for each day.
Every person gave a smile
it made my day seem worthwhile.
By giving others a little of my time
the good luck today was really mine.
Alone on the chair
Here I sit alone on the chair
I’m wondering how on earth I got there
One day I was fine, and doing alright
But then the next day it was all fight or flight
The feelings of fear got into my brain
Am I dying or am I insane?
I don’t understand what made me this way
I’m scared and I’m shaking for hours a day
Don’t want to go out and too scared to stay in
Even the quietest of noises can sound like a din
The light is too bright, but I’m scared of the dark
Too tired to think and I can’t even talk.
What on earth is going to happen to me?
To be awake for one hour, is too long, you see.
I shake and I tremble with fear
I’d scream for help if I thought someone could hear.
I’m sweating and hot and my blood starts to cook
I try watching TV, I try reading a book.
My chest is pounding, I feel faint, I feel sick
I want to run but my legs feel like brick.
The phone starts to ring and I run for the door
I’m frightened and shaking, I can’t take anymore.
I try to relax, I just want to sleep
My throat is dry and my heart starts to leap.
I’m curled up and rocking, to and then fro
Backwards and forwards , but the symptoms don’t go.
I feel so alone, no one understands
I’m shaking my feet and I’m wringing my hands.
Don’t want to eat or drink, am I going mad?
What did I do to deserve punishment this bad?
I want to be normal, and happy again
But what can I do anxiety’s taken my brain?
I try to go out, then a little bit more …
I’m right up the street and away from the door
Distraction’s the key, so I must keep it going
Calming thoughts, relaxation is flowing.
I’m getting well and I’m starting to smile
It’s been hard work and it’s taken a while
So be brave, tough, fearless and strong
With little steps and patience you just can’t go wrong.
So don’t be afraid if your chest feels all tight
Just take some deep breaths and you will soon be alright
Stay calm and controlled and that is the key
Try hard, don’t give up and you soon will be free.
Indecision
Indecision
I need to decide so help me please
I'm asking you on bended knees
I just can't face the day ahead
I want to spend the day in bed
So many things I need to do
Before I see my day right through
I want to go
I want to stay
I want my panic to go away
I need to get up
But I want to lie down
I don't know whether to laugh or frown.
What should I wear? T-shirt or jumper?
Trousers, may be or I could wear a skirt?
I've change my mind I'll wear a shirt.
I want to stand up
No, I want to sit there
I'm even indecisive about the chair.
Should I do this?
Or should I do that?
I don't want to talk
Wait, I feel like a chat.
I want to be calm
I want to panic
I'm feeling okay
No, I'm feeling quite manic.
I've got myself in to a state
My life is ruled by split decision
Oh I hate this Indecision.
You are not alone
You are not alone
Someone somewhere feels just like you
Crying, worrying and anxious too
A fear of facing the scary unknown
Just remember you are not alone
It feels like you are going crazy
You’re all mixed up and you’re mind is hazy
De-personalized and feeling ill
Your head is spinning like an electric drill
To make you feel calm, you take a deep breath
Instead of feeling better, you feel just like death
So you decide to try something distracting
You tell yourself you’re over reacting
Just how long will these feelings last?
You wait and you hope that your panic has passed
Don’t be afraid, you are not on your own
We’ve all been there, you are not alone
You told me lies
You say you love me
But you don’t let it show
You say you want me
but I just don’t know
You say I hurt you
But that isn’t true
My heads in a spin
What am I gonna do
You told me lies
And you caused me pain
And there’s no way in hell
You’re gonna do it again
So lets save some time
And let’s cut to the chase
You don’t give a fuck
I can tell by your face
We should just walk away
Now while we still can
And you can prove to yourself
hunny you’re still a man
Coz you told me lies
And you caused me pain
And there’s no way in hell
I’m going through it again
You say babe don’t go
We can always be friends
So I’m saying it now
This is right were it ends
We are just wasting time
I can’t stand anymore
I’ll get my things
And head right out the door
Coz you told me lies
And you caused me pain
And there’s no way in hell
I’m going through it again
Coz you told me lies
yes you told me lies
Take me far away from here
Hold my hand and calm my fear
I just want to leave this place
Hold me in your warm embrace
Make me whole the way I want to be
Show me things I want to see
I don’t want to run and hide
From restraints to be untied
I want to dream, Don’t want to scream
I want to dream
Don’t want to scream
From this place I want to flee
Get me back to where I used to be
Everything I do is wrong
I want to fight and to be strong
I don’t like this lonely world
I want my dreams to be unfurled
I don’t want to feel this way
In your arms I want to stay
I don’t want to scream
The Bus
I’m only down the road and it feels like miles from home
I don’t go far these days – I never like to roam.
I’m waiting at the bus stop, and my legs they just won’t go
My heart is filled with panic; oh I hope that it won’t show.
I see the people watching me, I know they’re going to stare.
I feel so unreal right now, as if I am not there.
The traffic sounds so loud it thumps through my head
I feel so embarrassed, I can feel my face turn red.
I’m shaking and I’m sweating, my legs have turned to mush
I think I need the Loo right now, I feel my tummy rush.
I don’t feel too well, infact I feel a little queer.
It feels wrong to be far from home, I wish I wasn’t here.
But I have to do this, I just want to be free
I can’t be a prisoner for life, that’s not good for me.
And so like all the others, I get on the bus and sit
No time to change my mind, I’m here so that is it.
Time to relax now, treat the journey as a rest
I’m here, and I’m frightened but completing my quest.
I’m breathing very deeply am I afraid to let it show
My heart is thumping loudly, I think it’s going to blow.
I’m thinking lots of thoughts and not one of them is good
I feel so really stupid, I wish someone understood.
I’ll make up some games until my symptoms have passed
I’ve got to keep my mind busy, it will make the time go fast
I’m starting to calm down a bit, I read the writing on the wall.
Saver tickets, bus stop plans. I don’t feel so bad at all.
Give the lady in front blue hair, the man behind her, black
The little boy can have red hair and I’ll dress him in a sack.
My games kept me busy, they gave me something to do
I hope I behaved alright. Did my panic show through?
I’m feeling really tired now, I think it’s time to rest.
The journey wasn’t perfect, but I did try my best.
Now the journeys over, I’m breathing in fresh air
I didn’t want to do it as it gave me quite a scare.
But now that I’ve been brave, I want to shout out loud
I’ve taken little steps, and that makes me so proud.
Panic Attacks
Panic Attacks
Palpitations
Anxiety
Nervous
Inappropriate Behaviour
Crying Uncontrolably
A Fear of Dying
Trembling
Temporary Insanity
A Loss of Self Esteem
Controlled Breathing
Keeping Calm
Self Control
Looking for me
Looking for Me
No one understands this dark and lonely place
I walk around like a painted doll, a smile upon my face.
It’s wrong to feel embarrassed, it’s wrong to feel ashamed
I want to be the way I was, I want my life reclaimed.
I’m attention seeking, so I’m told. I do it for effect.
I’m wasting my time, but then what did I expect?
No one wants to spend time with me, because of how I am.
I don’t see my friends for days they don’t give a damn.
What am I trying to prove, by behaving how I am?
I’m wasting my time, as they aren’t fooled by my scam.
Oh yeah, I really like this feeling of losing my mind.
It’s a total joke to me; look I’m laughing myself blind!
I think I’m going mad, can anybody hear me?
I’m looking for myself, the self I used to be.
I’m at a different place now, different than before
A lonely place, a scary place, on a whole new floor.
Life goes on around me, I pretend to take part
I wonder if people know I’m lying, even before I start.
I’m only cheating myself by not being true
It doesn’t matter what you think, but it matters what you do.
I know I’m not myself, but I come back now and again
I laugh and Joke and smile a bit, but it’s not the same.
I want to be decisive and do things for myself.
I’m sick of being useless and left upon the shelf.
So I sit alone, being positive and wise
But it’s all an act, just one big disguise.
Underneath I’m scared, just like I was before.
But people think you’re better, because you go out more.
I'm not crazy
*based on "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty*
I'm not crazy, I'm just in a dreamland
I want some one who can understand
I’m just strange and depersonalized
Unreal and a little disguised
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little confused
Exhausted, frightened and bemused.
I want to wave my panic farewell
And fill up my empty shell
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little tired
I little nervous and exprired
I’m just watching life go by
Sitting here and wondering why
I'm not crazy, I just want to be me
Happy, smiling and carefree
But I’m not I’m sad and blue
Waiting to start my life a new
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know I look fine and you can't tell
Stay awhile and then you'll see
A person who really isn’t me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little scared
I just wish that someone cared.
All I can do is think of me
and how I used to be.
Go away, Mr Panic!
Go away, Mr Panic!
Hey Mr Panic! You’re so mean and so tough
Well I’m here to tell you, enough is enough.
You think you’re so scary, you hide waiting to strike
I’m telling you, you can go take a hike!
You made me sad and took my life away,
But I’m still standing to fight one more day.
You made me ill, just so you’re in control
I can handle your punches with a duck and a roll.
Who gave you the right to tell me what to do?
I’m strong and I’m brave and our friendship is through
Who on earth do you think you are?
I’m running this show, It’s me that’s the star!
Go away, Mr Panic, find a new soul to rob
I’m taking my life back, so you’re out of a job.
You are just a sad little man,
I’m going to beat you, and believe me, I can.
So goodbye Mr Panic, I’m back in charge now.
You can exit stage left and take your final bow.
RaNdOmNeSs RoCkS .... Random thoughts - feel free to add yours
Tuesday, 28. April 2009, 01:51:56
Why isn't snooker an olympic sport?That way Britain would always win golds
Who discovered you could get milk from a cow ? And what the hell did they think they were doing at the time ?! Apparently if an undertaker dies he gets a discounted funeral People take such great care of their lawns ... why? They grow the grass to cut it and throw it away. People play golf to get exercise - but then drive a golf cart to the next hole - defeats the object a bit, doesn't it?Memorial Page
Saturday, 25. April 2009, 04:54:37
A Celebration Of Life
This section is Dedicated to loved ones who have passed over into the celestial plane.
Please feel free to leave your memorials here too if you'd like 
To Mum, Dad, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles & All other family members.My children Neil Darren Smith & Andrew Stephen Green
Be happy always, I miss you all more than words can say xxx
To The Friends I've LostMaureen, Beryl & Ron, Jean, Ernie, Ray Mr & Mrs Allen and Jay (who died tragically and too young.)
Be happy always, I miss you all so much xxx
To the petsStimpson J "Stimpy" Cat, Sweep the Rabbit,
Jess Green (missing since August '08) Fluffy McCoey the Rabbit and My special friend Jasper "Jas" Rushton
You were all good friends, Run in the green grass of heaven xxx
To the victims of Chernobyl, Hillsbrough & other tragic accidents or disasters.My thoughts and prayers are with you, your families and the survivors still suffering.
Bright Blessings to you all xxx
To The Missing and The StolenMaddy, Milly, Jess the cat, Murder, War and Terrorism Victims, their friends & family.
If there's anyway you can contact home, please do so.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all Bright Blessings xxx
Angry, worthless but with added acceptance.
Saturday, 18. April 2009, 03:42:01
I mentioned before about a school aquaintance who had really affected me emotionally and physically.
Well ...
I asked a friend of mine to contact this person, which he did.
He also gave me 90% of the information I needed to know.
With that information I've done nothing.
I think now I accept I'm never going to see the missing items again, and that all I can do is grieve for there loss and the loss of my Grandmother. (Whom the items originally belonged to.)
And in typical self harm / coping skills got another tattoo.
So far my tattoo count is 3. And I've named them all.
The self harm scars, however number hundreds.
I feel shame and embarrasment that the only way I can communicate my feelings is via hurting myself. I wish things could be different, but they aren't and I accept it.
Because I guess it's what I do to get by.
Again I accept that no one understands.
I always say that self harm is the only way to heal a tortured soul.
Whether it be by a tattoo artist or self infliction.
And I bet you are all depressed now!
Well ...
I asked a friend of mine to contact this person, which he did.
He also gave me 90% of the information I needed to know.
With that information I've done nothing.
I think now I accept I'm never going to see the missing items again, and that all I can do is grieve for there loss and the loss of my Grandmother. (Whom the items originally belonged to.) And in typical self harm / coping skills got another tattoo.
So far my tattoo count is 3. And I've named them all.
The self harm scars, however number hundreds.
I feel shame and embarrasment that the only way I can communicate my feelings is via hurting myself. I wish things could be different, but they aren't and I accept it.
Because I guess it's what I do to get by.
Again I accept that no one understands.
I always say that self harm is the only way to heal a tortured soul.
Whether it be by a tattoo artist or self infliction.
And I bet you are all depressed now!
Showing posts 1 - 10 of 18.
Poll
How cool is Marshall?
- He's a DOLL ! Get a grip.
(0%)
- Super Cool - I'm his No'1 Fan (60%)
- He's adorable (120%)
- Do I have to look at his photos to find out who he is ? (20%)
- I don't like him :-( (0%)
- He needs his own blog area ! (120%)
Total: 5 votes
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
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| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | |
| 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 |
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |||
Latest blog posts
- The RANT Section
- The NOT so Secret Diary of a Panic Attack Sufferer
- Get to know Lil L with some crappy quiz answers
- Welcome to Lil L's Profile Wall
- Marshall's Bang on the Door™ Blog Bit ....
- A Curious Conversation ... - Beware of chat room nutters !
- Some of my poems
- RaNdOmNeSs RoCkS .... Random thoughts - feel free to add yours
- Memorial Page
- Angry, worthless but with added acceptance.
Tags
Website Linkage - check out the sites I made!
-
stimpson-corner.co.uk
My Website with various stuff on it. From Supernatural Sciences to Internet Chatting Guide. Est. 1996 and still going strong.
-
Myspace.com
My personal Myspace page
-
bebo.com
My personal Bebo page
-
facebook.com
My personal Facebook Page.
-
McCoey's Garden Maintenance.
I created this website for my friend's business. (West Midlands, England, Customers only please)
-
My Animal Crossing Fan Page
Linked to "The Roost-Animal Crossing Friendcode Exchange" Group on Facebook.
-
Marshall's Fan Site
Marshall's own website - with games and stuff
Other sites where I hang out
-
Freebingo.co.uk - 90 ball Bingo and it's FREE!
My User Name is SeaofSouls - please say hi if you pop in for a game. I'm usually in the yellow or blue rooms
-
Gamesville - Lots of FREE games
My User Name is Sea-of-Souls. Please say Hi if you see me. I like the Bingo Zone, Magic21, and bubble popper 1&2
-
Popcap - More free games
I like insaneaquarium best
- Mindjolt - FREE games without the facebook
-
Noesis (formally Lycos/yahoo & Jubii) Chat
My Chat Name is : Sea_of_Souls and I'm usually in "The Pub" Room. Say hi or leave a logbook message if your passing through.
Chat to me
-
MSN Messenger
twinkle.star@hotmail.co.uk
-
Yahoo Messenger
princess_petlip@yahoo.co.uk
-
My FB Chat Box
Facebook.com/stimpsoncorner
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Pizco Friends Messenger
http://marshall-fan-site.pizco.com
-
ICQ Messenger
396642812
-
Twitter Marshall if you like.
User name : Marshall BotD Baby
-
Twitter me if you like
User name : Liz Green
Recent visitors
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