I know I was afraid of losing, but losing what? In recent times, I realized that everything I was afraid of losing, are the things that I never had. Then why is that I have this fear, might seem like unnecessary or is there something more to this? Fear and Courage for me are 2 ends of the same scale. It is just about where I'm and how much I could avoid the influence of my ego on both. With ego's survival mode and reasoning stupidity, both ends seem dangerous to me.
“It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.”
I felt it might not be just fear. There was something that I'm yet to realize. The day came and It was who I am that I realized. I'm a curious and like to learn new things. When I started learning, initially and even up until recently, I have thought that I'm able to understand new things, a lot of things; so my perception of world is changing now; people around me are still just the same; they don't understand these things nor me. But it was nowhere close to what actually happened.
I had a perception on new things and for the other part, I was almost the same. It's me who I didn't understand and It's who I am that I failed to see. I have let my ego influence choices in my life. I'm trying to overcome this for quite some time now. I thought about doing this post about more than a month ago. This mean time was filled with moments that has been quite interesting, to say the least and have made me realize things about myself. This feeling of being heavy and light at the same time is very different and I have never been here before. As always, it is hard to accept truth. But I don't want to deny it anymore.
“Life is not a problem to be solved, it's a reality to be experienced.”
I have done things in my past that I'm rather not happy with or not so proud of. If you ask me, If I had a chance to go back in time where I could take them back, I would choose not to. What I have done is already past and I can't change it. But, it has changed me. My choices have made me who I am now. Every choice has made quite a bit of impact in and around me and it always will. I'm going to move on with my choices and with my life. I would atleast be satisfied that the course of my life has been built only upon my choices.
I had a dream... to be a human; to learn from my mistakes and never repeat them; to rise up stronger in every fall; to live every moment in life and not count the days; to respect freewill and to be free; to be just true and to be me; to love and to be loved; to choose and to live my life. I had a dream and I'm living it now...
“There is no life as complete as the one that is lived by choice”