This is the 3rd love problem i am posting here, but this time this is different... as this time its me.
About 18 months ago i met this girl online on one of the social networking sites... she was fun and she was an Engineering student who wanted to get settled in he USA after her masters.
We started chatting and gradually we shared phone numbers and started talking over the phone. She was going through some family issues and i was going through my first breakup... so we kinda provided emotional support to each other and one day we both started feeling that this is going to a higher level. We discussed it and we both agreed that we think we both are in love. I was not sure about my future so the first thing i asked her was if she could wait for me for about 5 years (for getting married, as in India parents start worrying about their daughter's wedding when they turn 21), she was 20 and i was 21...and she said that she can wait for me and can wait till i get settled.
She completed her engineering and we both were still talking, one day we had an argument on how she wanted to get settled in the USA while i wanted to stay in India and didnt want to leave. I also on the other hand didnt want to force her but she was pretty persistence that she wanted to get to the USA to spent rest of her life. Since that day i started feeling that maybe... there was some reason that we should think of this relationship and should do the needful, it included parting our ways but she was persistence to stay with me and the incidences kept increasing in the forms of arguments and fights.
After her engineering was completed she told me that her mother was talking about her wedding and she didnt want to get married. Now at this time there was something inside me which was not ready to be with her, there was something which was telling me that if i will stay with her we both will clash with each other and will spend our lives fighting over useless arguments. In a nutshell i started losing interest in getting married to her but i never told her.
One day she said that her mother was pretty positive on getting her married and she wanted to be with me so she proposed to leave her home and to come to stay with me. I was able to take care of her, i mean i could had found a room or place for her to live and she could have found a nice job which could have supported both of us but i asked her to not to proceed with her wish and to stay with her parents and to follow what her parents said as i gave the reason that she always wanted to go to the USA and the guy whom her parents were talking to was an Indian software developer in the USA with a huuuge paycheck and all the luxuries.
So i suggested her to get married and to forget me. But she again proposed her plan... this time i said ok but she had cold feet and was not able to pursue her own plan.
Now she agreed to get married to that guy and they fixed her engagement and everything. I used to think that i will be free after she will leave me and i will move on with my life. She as obsessed with me and used to say that she will call me daily even when she will be in the USA.
But as her wedding date was approaching nearby i dont know what started to grow inside me as i started to crave for her, to listen to her voice, to just know what is she doing, where she is and most of all to make sure that SHE IS MINE.
I was hysterical on the day she got engaged... i cut myself off from the rest of the world for about 2 weeks and when she got married i kept myself locked in my room.
She is married now and i crave for her all the time, i keep thinking about her and she never gets off my mind. We still talk but not like we used to when she was single.
She now calls me when she gets the chance, when her husband is not around her, we still tell that we love each other and how we miss each other.
Now the issue is that i am disappointed with my own self... as i thought that i would not get affected by her moving away from my life, but each day brings a new pain for me, when she told me that she will be moving to the US this month... i just want to end this misery but somewhere i know that this whole things is my fault as it was created by me.
... and did i tell you the best part ...? We both live in diff. states and have never met !!!
I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS AND WANT TO MOVE ON.. BUT HOW ???