Tantaium

A very touched story...


It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was quite very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling. All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling.

I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart. Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. Met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me. I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together. One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him? I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will.

Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life. I cried as it was given to me... As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "Today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart...

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*** If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I haven't felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
are lyin' on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

We were meant for each other
I keep forever

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

what is it that u want out of this?

what's the end result?

what EXACTLY do u want from me? or want me to do?

I have stared at these questions for what seems like hours! I can't answer them without fear! Fear that you don't want the same outcome, fear that I would never be enough for you, fear that I will never know you the way I want to, fear that I'm expecting too much from you.

In my fantasies, we are together......just you and me!

I want to wake up beside you, I want to fall asleep in your arms, I want to laugh with you, tickle you, giggle at your jokes! I want to feel the warmth of your breath upon my neck and the touch of your skin on mine. I want to know the spot to touch that leaves goosebumps on your skin, I want to know how your lips look when your thinking about me. I want you to know when I'm happy and know when I'm sad.

I want to know everything about you! What makes you tick? What makes you happy, what makes you sad? I want you to take me away and make love to me day and night. I want to dance with you, sing with you and flirt with you. I want to know if what I'm feeling is real. If what you feel for me is real. I want you to know that the thought of you being with someone else absolutely devastates me. I want you to tell me that you don't want me to be with anyone else but you. I want you to take the risk to see me. I want you to take that next step. I want you to want to take that next step, take that risk. I want to make plans with you. I want to be your one and only! I want to feel your whispers of love upon my breasts, the promise of wonderful things to come. I want to know how you taste.

“Đừng bao giờ nói lời tạm biệt nếu bạn vẫn muốn cố gắng, đừng bao giờ bỏ cuộc nếu bạn cảm thấy còn có thể tiếp tục – Đùng bao giờ nói bạn không yêu ai nữa nếu ánh mắt ai đó vẫn còn có thể giữ chân bạn.”

Sadness. Loneliness. Overwhelming emotions.

I'm not usually like this! Normally I'm the happy Keke. Happy, laughing, giggly, silly Ke.

She's lost!

Drowning in a sea of overwhelming emotions.

This week I felt like I'd dropped one of the many balls that I've been juggling. I lost it last night. Badly! Every thought brought me back to you and how I dropped that ball so many times and still you threw it back to me until the last time, when you'd had enough and grown tired of trying to help me see what I meant to you.

I dropped it again with someone else on the weekend! I didn't want to. I didn't have to. But I did it all the same.

And so the silence is deafening. Except for my tears last night!

Damn! Everytime I thought about it, back they came. . . .pull myself together again for a little while, then one thought, a simple thing, brought it all flooding back again. I felt overwhelmed, abandoned and lost! Took me till 7pm to pull it together long enough to finish my order, complete my beer stocktake and finish off the paperwork for the day by 9pm. And then that familiar feeling, of not wanting to go home, washes over me as I lock up and head for the door.

For the most part I put on a great front. For everyone!

No one really knows me. Not really.

But in saying that, my friends here in blogland probably know me and about me more than anyone tangible.

Is that a sad fact? No I think not.

I use this media more as a personal journal. A diary of thoughts and feelings. To let off steam. To joke and laugh. And my friends online and even the ones I don't know, come by, check it out, impart some of their wisdom and insight or share a similar experience......or not! It does not matter to me whether a comment is left or not.

I do it for me!!!

I think it helps my sanity stay a little intact to be able to purge this way. Like my own online shrink's couch, right here in cyberspace........hehe!!

The one place where it is all about me. Not SH, not the kids or family (unless I choose to share that aspect with you)

It's actually refreshing to have something just for me.

Hệ Mặt trời chỉ là một hệ sao-hành tinh bình thường trong vũ trụ, nhưng nó lại có vai trò cực kỳ quan trọng đối với chúng ta vì một lẽ giản dị: chúng ta là một thành viên của hệ. Trong lịch sử, việc nghiên cứu hệ mặt trời có lúc đã vượt khỏi lĩnh vực thiên văn , trở thành một vấn đề tranh luận gay gắt của lịch sử, đánh dấu một bước tiến vượt bậc của con người trong việc nhận thức giới tự nhiên. Trong cuộc đấu tranh đó, có nhứng nhà nguỵ biện, những tiến sĩ nhai lại, nhưng đồng thời cũng xuất hiện những vị anh hùng, mà tài năng và lòng dũng cảm của họ được lưu truyền tới hôm nay.

SỰ HÌNH THÀNH HỆ MẶT TRỜI:
- việc hình thành Thái dương hệ được bắt đầu từ sau khi Côpecnich, Kepler khám phá ra quy luật chuyển động của các hành tinh và Newton khám phá ra hiện tượng hấp dẫn của vật chất trong vũ trụ.
Vào giữa thế kỉ mười tám, nhà triết học người Đức là Căng lần đầu tiên đã nêu lên sự tiến hoá của vũ trụ. Ông cho rằng hệ mặt trời hình thành từ một đám tinh vân khổng lồ.
Tiếp đó, Laplatxơ cho rằng hệ mặt trời hình thành từ một đám khí bụi khổng lồ. Khối khí bụi từ từ quay quanh trục và ở trung tâm khối là một nhân cô đặc. Thể tích khối khí bụi nhỏ dần, co lại do lực hấp dẫn làm nó quay nhanh hơn. Đến một tốc đọ quay nhất định, lực ly tâm của vành vật chất ở xích đạo lớn hơn lực hấp dẫn, vành này tách khỏi trung tâm và tiếp tục quay như trước. Khối trung tâm tiếp tục quay nhanh hơn dẫn đến việc tách ra của vành vật chất thứ 2 , thứ 3 .v.v.... Do sự phân bố vật chất trong các vành không đều nên vật chất trong vành dần tích tụ thành phôi thai của hành tinh. Mỗi phôi thai đó lại quay nhanh dần làm tách ra các vành vậtchất tạo thành vệ tinh. Phần khối khí còn lại ở trung tâm tạo thành Mặt trời.

CÁC HÀNH TINH THÁI DƯƠNG HỆ :
1-Thuỷ tinh:
Cách mặt trời 58 triệu km, có khối lượng bằng 0,05 khối lượng trái đất nhưng là hành tinh có khối lượng riêng lớn nhất trong hệ mặt trời. Thuỷ tinh quay quanh mặt trờihết 88 ngày và quay quanh trục hết 58 ngày đêm trái đất.
2-Kim tinh:
Cách mặt trời 108 triệu km, có khối lượng bằng 0,82 khối lượng trái đất và bán kính xích đạo bằng 0,95 bán kính xích đạo trái đất. Một năm sao Kim dài bằng 225 ngày đêm trái đất và một ngày của nó dài từ 20-24 ngày đêm trái đất.
3-Hoả tinh:
Cách mặt trời 228 triệu km. Sao Hoả có hai vệ tinh đều nhỏ hơn mặt trăng của trái đất. Khối lượng của nó bằng 0,12 khối lượng trái đất, nó tự quay quanh trục theo chu kì 24h37mn và quay quanh mặt trời hết 687 ngày đêm trái đất.
4-Mộc tinh:
Là hành tinh lớn nhất trong hệ mặt trời với bán kính xích đạo =11,3 lần của trái đất. Mộc tinh cách xa MT hơn TĐ 5,2 lần. Nó quay quanh MT 1 vòng hết 12 năm nhưng 1 ngày chỉ có 9h50mn.
5-Thổ tinh:
Cách MT 9,5 lần khoảng cách TĐ-MT, sao thổ là hành tinh lớn thứ 2 trong hệvớib bán kính xích bđạo lớn hơn trái đất 9,5 lầnvà khối lượng bằng 95 lần khối lượng trái đất.
Thổ tinh quay quanh MT hết 30 năm TĐ và 1 ngày đêm sao Thổ dài 10h
6-Thiên vương tinh:
Cách MT hơn TĐ 19,2 lần, có bán kính lớn gấp 4 lần bán kính TĐ , được phát hiện năm 1781 .Một nămsao Thiên vương tinh bằng 84 năm TĐ và một ngày dài 10h49mn. Một năm có 72 ngàn ngày đêm
7- Hải vương tinh:
được phát hiện vào năm 1846, cách xa MT hơn TĐ 30 lần, có kích thước tương đương sao thiên vương và khối lượng bằng 17,2 lần khối lượng TĐ. Một năm sao hải vương dài băng 165 năm TĐ và một ngày đêm ở đây dài 15h
8- Sao Diêm vương:
Cách MT 39,37 u.a, được phát hiện vào năm 1930. Sao DV tự quay quanh trục hết 6 ngày đêm TĐ và một năm dài bằng 247 năm TĐ. Bán kính hành tinh này là 1140 km, có tỷ trong bằng 2. Diêm vương tinh được bao phủ bởi một lớp vật chất nănmg hơn nước đá, chủ yếu là methane trắng, ngoài ra còn có N2 và CO dưới dạng băng hà, trọng lực ở đây chỉ bằng 1/380 của TĐ.
Sao diêm vương có một vệ tinh duy nhất là Charon phát hiện năm 1978 , cách hành tinh mẹ 19640km và có bán kính 590km.