So oblivious

So I've joined the Khmer Krom Dragon Boat team for about a month now and have learned the techniques and have been out on the water for a bit. So, when I look over the "Dragon Boat" painting again, I realize how many mistakes I have made in depicting technique and placement of the body... I'm going to have to paint another one, a more accurate one

When I think I'm over it, it's only to discover that I'm not.
Reminders are in the most obscure places that pop up at unannounced times.
When will it be over? I got my answers, but why can't I let go?

I called a friend today to say hi because I missed them. I just wanted to say hi and see what was up, how the baby was doing. I was informed that a friend had passed away. Although that friend wasn't particularly close to me, and we never hung out, but I felt extremely sad. I couldn't believe what I had heard. I thought he was kidding, but why would he say that? I looked at his facebook page, and there were endless amounts of wall comments talking to him as if they could reach him through facebook. I was overwhelmed with a sense of loss, and began to cry. I kept thinking, you didn't really know this guy, why are you so sad at his loss? And the moment I thought that, I regreted it because I did know him. We went to school together for a while, and even though we didn't really know each other, he added me on facebook a few years after I transfered. He sent me a comment, hoping that I'd remembered him. We talked a bit, and remembered old times. Then lost touch again. He was really nice. From what I know of him, he was pure of heart. And it's really sad that such a good person like that could be a victim of some stupid dude who decided to drive when he was under the influence of alcohol. But that wasn't the reason why I was crying. I still can't figure out why exactly, but I wasn't crying because I missed him, because honestly speaking, I didn't know him that well. It was more like I can't believe he's gone. What if someone close to me was gone? How would I feel? What would I do with my life if my Lao Po was gone? I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't feel like I could ever live without her. Then I thought, what would she do without me? Then I felt a deep sense of guilt for all those thoughts about suicide because I felt like life was screwing me over. I was so stupid. Life was not screwing me over. It was actually the other way around: I was screwing life over by not being the best person that I can be and make all those around me happy. So for a long moment, all depressed feelings and thoughts of suicided ceased to exist.

Rest in peace dude. I'm sure you can still skate to your heart's content up there.

There's so much reading for this class!! arg!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Technically, there's still one hour left in my time zone before Christmas starts, but it's already Christmas in some other time zones, so why not? Speaking of time zones, I think that's how Santa makes all his deliveries in one night. The differences in time zones buy him lots of time to deliver all the presents to the good boys and girls of the world

I mentioned before that I would have a Christmas post as a present, but before I talk about that, I'd like to tell a little story about my Christmas Eve today.

Every Christmas Eve, I go to my best friend's home, which is like my second home, for a Christmas meal with them. Since my family isn't Christian, we don't really do Christmas. We do a mild version of it just to be in the holiday spirit. Regardless, I still get the full Christmas experience at my best friend's home. Their family is HUGE, full of happiness and spirit, and I am happy to be a part of it. This time, I brought my boyfriend with me But that's not the point of the story. Then you wonder, then what is the point? Well, hold your horses! I'm getting there So after we're all done eating (which involved a great deal of DELICIOUS food; did I mention the food was way YUMMY? ) we played Cranium. And let me tell you, with about 20 people playing Cranium (it was my first time playing), it was loud! But it was so fun and warm While we were playing I get my third call of the night from home. The last two was my baby sister asking when I was going to come home. I don't blame here since I've been abroad for four months. So anyway, this third phone call. By this time, I was getting kind of irritated since I'm being rushed, sort of. But this time it was my mom. She asked if I had come home during the day after I left the house, and I no I haven't. So... the point is coming. She said, well, someone did because we have presents under our tree! And I'm wondering who would do that? It wasn't me, or my mom, and it obviously couldn't have been my five year old sister. I'm skeptical that it would be my dad; he's not the type to do anything like that. He's just way to frugal to do anything like that. So then I wonder who else has a key to our house, and that would be my grandfather. But my grandfather would be the least likely person to do that. So when I came home, I was all nervous to find out who did it. It turned out it was my dad!! I was so surprised! He went and got the jeans that I tried on yesterday that I didn't get but really liked. He snuck out and got my mom her favorite perfume that she was running out of. And he got my sister some chocolates and himself his favorite colonge that he refused to dish out the money to buy for the past few years. I was SO SURPRISED! He was one of the least likely person to do anything like that. For him to do that, he must have changed a lot in the four months that I was abroad! And so then I felt kind of guilty and really upset at myself for being angry at my dad for being too stingy and strick. I also was really upset at him for various other reasons, which mainly had to do with me thinking that he wasn't paying enough attention to me, my sister and my mom. But apparently, he does notice and he does care. For him to do something like playing Santa Clause is a pretty significant act, in my oppinion. So the point is that I'm really grateful for my dad. I'm happy that he's showing that he cares and pays attention, eventhough he doesn't act like it much. And I'm grateful for my mom, who has sacrificed a lot of her happiness for the sake of me and my sister. I'm also very, very grateful for my sister, who basically kept my family together when we were falling apart. I'm also grateful for all the people in my lives who have contributed into making it the way it is today. This is making me extra emotional... Since I said what I wanted to say, I shall now move on before I get more sentimental.

With that said, there's piece for this post, like I promised! This one is a winter scene of a trail behind my house on the first snow fall of winter 2006. Well, it's more like 2005 winter since the painting was done in Febuary 2006 and the winter technically falls under 2005 winter. But that's besides the point. I was really excited about the snow, since it rarely snows in the Seattle area (haha not this year since we basically had a snow storm for once), so I took a morning walk along the Green River trai behind my house. It was very peaceful and inspiring. I took LOTS of pictures, and I mean LOTS! I decided to paint a winter scene in water color because I was researching methods of water color, and the winter scenery just provoked me to paint it.

This one was done in water color. I think it was my first full water color project. I felt that it turned out pretty well, except that I wasn't very familiar with water color paper. So it kind of stretched and dried funny. So when I cut the frame on mat board, it turned out to be a bit off. But it looks good over all. I framed it and had it up in my house for a while, until my sister kept bumping into it (it was along the stairs). So now it's in the garage along with all my other paintings. It's kind of sad, but I still don't really know how to secure heavy pieces on the wall. And, now that I'm thinking about it, it's also odd that I never took the initiative to look into that since I really want them to be on my walls I'll get there soon... as soon as I repaint my room, which will most likely be... summer? maybe spring break? who knows. Whenever life isn't always making me in a rush.

Um... I kind of went off on a tangent. Sorry!

On the right is a series of pictures of my progress for this painting.

Picture 1: Finished product.
Picture 2: Day one.
Picture 3: Day one close up of the fishing shed.
Picture 4: Day two progress.
Picture 5: Day three progress.
Picture 6: Day three close up of the scratching or scrapping I did on the paper to give texture to the bush.

I hope you enjoyed this Christmas post!

SO!...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!