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COSMO'S PLAYGROUND

posting TONS of stuff everyday

Farmer left with 'egg shaped' head after being trampled by bull

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Not many people would brave a smile after being trampled by a bull.

But farmer Hillary Hutchinson is just thankful to be alive suffering horrendous injuries and a misshapen skull following a cattle stampede on his own farm.

The 55-year-old was herding more than 600 cattle across a remote road near his property last August when they suddenly turned on him and trot on his skull.

Mr Hutchinson said he doesn't remember much of the accident, which left him with permanent brain damage.

'I was with my son, Andrew, and all was fine to begin with but then the cattle turned back and ran straight at me,' he said.

'I don't remember very much, but what I do know is that the bull stood on my head.

'He's a big fellow, over 400lbs, and he caused a considerable amount of damage, I am very lucky to have survived.'

Doctors and paramedics from the Great North Air Ambulance flew to the farm and treated him at the scene before airlifting him to Newcastle Hospital.

Mr Hutchinson, 55, endured two lifesaving brain operations and spent more than three weeks in a coma following the accident.

He still needs regular therapy to correct the speech impediment caused by the brain damage and people regularly look twice when they notice his misshaped head.

'When I was in a coma everyone was thinking the worst. I thought for weeks I wasn't going to make it,' he said.

'It was the skill and dedication of the air ambulance team that made all the difference, they did a really remarkable job.'

His wife Di said the family had been to hell and back and she wouldn't wish the accident on her worst enemy.

Despite all he has been through, Hillary is now vowing to return to work early next year on his farm in Northumberland.

'I'm definitely going back,' he said. 'It'll be no bother'

a joke for Friday

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An old man marries a younger lady and they are
very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does
sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a wife
is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask their clergyman.
The clergyman listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes
the following suggestion.

"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love,
have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize
and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the clergyman's advice. They hire a
handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make
love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed,
they go back to the clergyman.

"Okay," says the clergyman to the husband,

"let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to
your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the clergyman's advice. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-
shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the
young man and says to him triumphantly...

"You see, young fool, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

a joke for Thursday

hahahahaha


A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when
he sees a woman with perfect breasts.


He says to her, Hey miss, would you let me kiss your breasts for
$100?


Are you nuts?!!! she replies, and keeps walking away.


He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before
she does. Would you let me kiss your breasts for $1,000 dollars? he
asks again.


Listen you; I am not that kind of woman! Got it?


So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her
again; Would you let me kiss your breasts just once for $10,000
dollars?


She thinks about it for a while and says, Hmmm, $10,000 dollars; Ok,
just once, but not here. Let s go to that dark alley over there.


So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the
most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs
them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly,licking them, burying his face in them, but not kissing them.


The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, Well? Are you gonna kiss them
or not?
Nah , says the little old Jewish man... Costs too much...

Cute Cuddles at the Zoo

Pair ... cute cuddles in zoo

THIS cute chimp isn’t just a primate – she is this baby tiger’s BEST mate.
Loving Anjana cradles the white tiger cub after acting as surrogate mother to him and his twin brother.

And the two-year-old chimpanzee clearly isn’t monkeying around, she has also raised LEOPARDS and LIONS.

Anjana has been helping zoo keeper China York look after 23-day-old cubs Mitra and Shiva at TIGERS (The Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species) in South Carolina, US.

The chimp took on the crucial surrogate role after the youngsters were separated from their mother.

She turned aggressive after being spooked when hurricane Hannah ripped through the institute.

Anjana has been a constant companion to infant animal carer China — and the chimp loves aping her work.

TIGERS founder Dr Bhagavan Antle said: “Anjana has joined China in caring for baby animals. Monkey see, monkey do and Anjana has helped China raise them.

“She has acted as a surrogate mother to leopards, lions and orangutans and has done the same with these baby white tigers.

“She gives them a bottle and lies with them — she is a great assistant.”

TIGERS has bred and reared many rare and talented animals. This year they unveiled their latest “liger” cub — bred from a lion father and a tiger mother.

The institute has 45 big cats, including white-and-red-striped golden tabby tigers — one of the rarest big cat breeds.

There are also bears, other primates and an African elephant.

The highly-trained carers at the institute have trained animals to appear in more than 500 movies, including Hollywood blockbusters Dr Dolittle and Forrest Gump.

Dr Antle added: “The animals are given thousands of hours of training and constant care.

“People think it is dangerous to get so close to wild animals but the handlers have been with them since they were cubs and have developed a special friendship based on love and respect.”

That might be the case but Anjana should be careful around her feline friends.

White tigers can grow to nearly 660lbs and when they do, Anjana will no longer be just a cub sandwich — she could end up as a portion of chimps.


EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF A CAT

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Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

LIFE IS A FOUR LETTER WORD

Photobucketever get the feeling, like you've just been squashed by the entire world? Photobucket Lately, I don't know if I'm coming or going with the gas prices being so high Photobucket my whole world has been kinda turned upside down Photobucket I may've found a solution to the gas situation if we don't run out of dog food Photobucket the trick is to be resourceful when you're a 'lil short Photobucket

there are dangers to being upwardly mobil Photobucket

but we must put all our demons to bed Photobucket

and realize that sometimes life's load is a bit much Photobucket

and sheer optimism alone isn't enough to prevail

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often the problem is how we perceive things

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maybe it's best to just laugh at life's little inequities..count our blessings Photobucket

and keep on dancin'

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'cuz there will always be more crap coming alongPhotobucket

but if we face our fears

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and maintain an attitude of gratitude Photobucket

we can continue to face the music

a joke for you~

banana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gif

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just cant seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cant seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they are sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder, those are friars!"

banana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gif

a joke for you...hee hee

banana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gif


a guy goes to the doctor

he has a stalk of celery sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear and a banana protruding from his nose

he says, "what's wrong with me doc?"

doc says, " I'd say you're not eating right"

banana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gifbanana dancing gif

FUNNY BIRD

click "watch bird" 2X
Want one? Go to www.geocities.com/testiflash

a joke for you~

camel lover
A new lieutenant in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?"

The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels."

The lieutenant is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he.

The next friday, the young lieutenant slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar.

The same corporal comes in to investigate. "Lieutenant! What are you doing."

"Come on man," replied the embarrassed officer, "You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays."

"Yes sir," replied the corporal. "But we just ride them into town."
December 2009
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