WHIRLED GNUS

A  farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30 something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to buy some peaches?'
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as firm as these?' He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,' and a little tear ran from his eye.
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they nice and pink like this?' The farmer said, Yes,' and another tear came
from the other eye..
 
She unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as fuzzy as this?' He again said, 'Yes,' and broke down crying. She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'
 
Drying his eyes he replied, ''The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get
screwed out of my peaches.

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from K-City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?" The mother couldn't think of an answer. So she told her child to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and posed his question. The attendant smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?" "Yes, she did," replied the boy. "Well, then," said the attendant, "you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. "Have your Mom explain that to you."

woman fly upside down have crack up



Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.

State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.

He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.

He who plays with self, pulls boner.

Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.

House without toilet is uncanny.

Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.

Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.

Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Man who plays with self pulls boner.

Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep sh*t.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.

Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.

Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.

Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.

Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.

Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.

Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Man who jizz in cash register come into money.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.

Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

Don't sweat the petty stuff ... and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.

Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

An old man marries a younger lady and they are
very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does
sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a wife
is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask their clergyman.
The clergyman listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes
the following suggestion.

"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love,
have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize
and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the clergyman's advice. They hire a
handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make
love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed,
they go back to the clergyman.

"Okay," says the clergyman to the husband,

"let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to
your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the clergyman's advice. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-
shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the
young man and says to him triumphantly...

"You see, young fool, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

a guy goes to the doctor he has a stalk of celery sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear and a banana protruding from his nose he says, "what's wrong with me doc?" doc says, " I'd say you're not eating right"