Caffeine

It's getting harder and harder to find funny news stories, even harder to find a "good news" story. With all that's happening in the world it appears that only doom and gloom is being reported and even when there is an almost funny type story - somebody is still getting hurt.

Take this for example. Recently in Sweden a Japanese pop star was beaten up and robbed, what makes this story funny? The guy was dressed as a pineapple!

Police say a Japanese pop star dressed up as a pineapple has been robbed while shooting a music video in southern Sweden.

Police spokesman Bo Paulsson says three young men beat up 41-year-old Hideki Kaji and robbed him of camera equipment as well as about C$3,000 in cash late Saturday.

Paulsson says the pineapple-clad artist had been left alone with the equipment while the camera crew went for a break.

Not exactly funny, the pop star was left with a cut lip and the loss of a dental implant, police have no leads. Dressed as a pineapple? WTF was he thinking?


Police in Detroit have ruffled some feathers after they cracked down on an organized pillow fight at a downtown park.

The Detroit News newspaper reports police at Campus Martius Park prevented the feathery fight Saturday by disarming pillow-toting participants.

The bout was part of a worldwide event organized on social networking websites.

Michael Davis says police confiscated the 32-year-old man's pillows but returned the cases. He says he was told he needed a permit. Scott Harris of Ferndale told the News it's "not illegal to own a pillow."

Detroit police spokesman James Tate says cleanup was the issue. What a crock!


Workers at a Tim Hortons in New Brunswick had to do a double-double take after a drive-thru customer placed an order in the nude.

Police officers were called to the coffee shop in Saint John's north end after reports of a naked driver.

The women working at the drive-thru window were not impressed.


And that's about all I can find for news you should have read and probably missed. Got a great news story? Let me know, good news is always appreciated.

As we all know, most everyone has been hit with some kind of financial loss. Time for some new definitions to old terms; particularly when executives still get paid bonuses even after they run a company into the ground.

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.