Writer's Block

where my strange imagination roams free...

Lines

, ,

"Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers" said Aldernak.

Sophie raised her eyes to the ceiling for a moment, then stared at him contemptuously.

"Didn't like that one, eh? Hang on...". He flicked through a book hurriedly. "Ah, here we go". He cleared his throat.

"Do you have a map? I just get lost in your eyes."

The eyes glared back at him.

"How long are you going to do this?" said Sophie.
"Until it works. You see this..." he waved a book at her "...it says the lines are guaranteed. Guaranteed! I just need to find the perfect one...ah!"

"You know what I like about you? My arms".
"Dammit, Aldernak, stop this!"

He skimmed through a few more pages. "Maybe I'm being too subtle. How about this?"

"Anything drugs can do, I can do with my tongue".
"Let me go, you idiot!".
"That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?"
"Aaarrrgggghhh!"
"With one touch, I could make you make sounds that only a dog could hear".
"Screw you!".
"Hey, are we getting somewhere?"

Sophie struggled once again to free herself from the chair. Was it her imagination, or was one of the ropes starting to loosen?

"When I get free, Aldernak, I'm going to shove that book right up your backside!"
"I'm sure I'll find the right line soon and everything will be fine. Ahem".

"Wanna go halves on a b...no, that one's a bit too much. Er..."

*flick, flick, flick*

"Hi, I make more money than you can spend".
"Aldernak, you don't have any money".
"Hmm...sadly true. Maybe I should try several lines in rapid succession...".

He turned away to scribble in a notepad. "Now, let's see, do I start with the innocent ones or the dirty ones..."

After a desperate but determined wriggle, Sophie finally freed her right arm. She looked anxiously over to where Aldernak was, saw that he was engrossed in his scribbling, and carefully undid the rest of her bonds.
She stood up, massaged the feeling back into her limbs, picked up the chair and then walked over to stand behind Aldernak.

"Okay, I'm just about ready here, you won't be able to resist this lot!"

He started to turn.

"What the-?"

CRASH!

She looked down on his unconscious body.

"Idiot".

Then she got the little book, and shoved it...

Take a seatThe Rules of Bedroom Golf

Comments

Dark FurieFurie Saturday, October 13, 2007 10:52:48 PM

That's possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever read, mainly because we used to joke about my old schoolmate Chris (the one with the stolen porn) buying those chat-up books and still having to kidnap some girl to use them on.
bigeyes

r♡serose-marie Saturday, October 13, 2007 10:58:02 PM

lol Great story!
There really are chat-up books? faint

theoddbod Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:00:28 PM

It's that disturbing? bigeyes

There certainly are chat-up books, I bought one for Darth Vader's birthday last year lol.

~ Callya ~Callya Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:03:49 PM

lol very Good Martikins, i enjoyed it.

.rolleyes Sadly Rose, there are such things as chat up books.

Dacotah Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:07:16 PM

bigeyes

Dark FurieFurie Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:14:43 PM

It's how guys like me made sure less guys were able to chat up women in the past...

~ Callya ~Callya Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:18:06 PM

lol you used those books?

r♡serose-marie Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:34:31 PM

He probably wrote them. p

theoddbod Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:41:16 PM

The ones in here I pulled out of an email I got at uni in 1995. Most of the others were just too rude bigeyes.

~ Callya ~Callya Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:48:48 PM

sherlock and you still have the email, hey?*nudge wink*

come on Martin, what were the others ones you've u... i mean the other ones in the email?

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:03:35 AM

I still have all my emails from uni - I backed them all up before I left.
Most of the others were aimed at one-night stands. So we have charming lines such as "Do you want to see something swell?" and "Did you clean your pants with Windolene? I can practically see myself in them".

Dacotah Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:25:15 AM

bigeyes How many one night stands did you have back in 1995 that you save all your "one-night stand" lines? whistle

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:34:21 AM

Oi! irked I just never delete emails...p

Dacotah Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:45:09 AM

Oi! You said "I still have all my emails" bigeyes so I read that as those are your emails YOU sent to your onenight stands. whistle p bigsmile

~ Callya ~Callya Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:15:11 AM

lolyes
it's ok Mart, we understand, we won't tell ANYBODY...p.

This post is gonna be a spotlight on your hitslink.p

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:25:18 AM

no

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:52:29 AM

lol i never knew you've worked that hard for a one night stand bigeyeslol

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 2:02:22 AM

knockout

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 2:08:30 AM

okay... tell me which line works best? *gets ready to...... write it down left*

Dacotah Sunday, October 14, 2007 3:26:59 AM

ROFLMAO lol lol lol

pssst idaughter, get to Callya's blog and do the Zodiac Sexuality:
http://my.opera.com/Callya/blog/show.dml/1408792


bigsmile

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 4:04:09 AM

on my way there iMum heart

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 10:25:40 AM

As if i'd use a line left

~ Callya ~Callya Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:14:00 AM

bigeyes OH i see... You've used them all, so you just get down to the dirty now?left

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:17:09 AM

bigeyes lol

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:22:15 AM

wait d'ya mean you've got emails from people who wanted to have a one night stand with you? bigeyes

*goes to check Mart's personal ad out*

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:22:53 AM

I got a free sampler of one of those books in FHM once. It was hilarious. Me and Kim were reading them together. Really cheesy, never gonna work lines. lol

Bad WolfCois Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:22:57 AM

lol funny story..p one of my gal pals keep sending these one liners via sms.. bigsmile

~ Callya ~Callya Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:26:02 AM

lol

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:00:27 PM

Hey, what personal ad? What have you been up to, Fanny? sherlock

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:05:28 PM

And it was just ONE email listing 100 chat-up lines, plus the rules of bedroom golf left

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:08:11 PM

*considers what balls would be used in bedroom golf*

no

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:14:28 PM

yikes 100 chat up lines? you didn't use each line several times, did you? bigeyes

theoddmissusfunz81 Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:16:03 PM

bedroom golf?? idea devil

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 12:49:45 PM

I'll post it later as you're so interested lol.
No lines were used! knight

Mik, i don't know what your imagination is doing bigeyes

~ Callya ~Callya Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:01:14 PM

*wonders how many hole in ones Martin has got*

r♡serose-marie Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:12:36 PM

lol
FORE!

Dacotah Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:15:00 PM

lol bigsmile

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:22:27 PM

rolleyes

~ Callya ~Callya Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:28:10 PM

lollollol

Attila attilasoul Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:57:49 PM

lol @ botht the story and the comments!

Attila attilasoul Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:57:49 PM

lol @ both the story and the comments!

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 3:12:25 PM

bigsmile

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 3:15:20 PM

Well done on posting two identical comments at the same time, Tilla bigeyes

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, October 14, 2007 3:18:52 PM

They're not identical. One's got an extra T.

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 5:21:35 PM

doh But somehow more puzzling...

Attila attilasoul Sunday, October 14, 2007 6:43:49 PM

bigeyes
Now that's weird!

Spaggyj Sunday, October 14, 2007 6:51:17 PM

hmmm. Sounds like the knda thing I'd love to do. *looks for Cois* p

theoddbod Sunday, October 14, 2007 8:19:27 PM

The kidnap? Or the book-shoving? p

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, October 14, 2007 8:36:19 PM

Better not be the chat-up lines. furious

Bad WolfCois Sunday, October 14, 2007 10:13:03 PM

It better not be anything!yikes

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