Writer's Block

Santa glared at the recalcitrant reindeer. It hadn't been the same since Comet retired, but that near-collision with the jumbo jet had made him a nervous wreck. Unfortunately his replacement, a young buck called Schnitzel, was a bit of a troublemaker.

"What's the problem this year, then?", sighed Santa.
"Overtime and workload", said Schnitzel. "Me and the brothers" - the other reindeer shifted uneasily - "feel that you're taking unfair advantage of being able to control time for one night a year. We feel that we're working much longer than what the timesheets say."
"But you only work one night a year! The rest of the time you just laze around and get pampered by the elves".

Ok, maybe he shouldn't have said that. Blitzen had just shot him a dirty look.

Schnitzel took a couple of paces towards him and bared his teeth.

"That ONE night feels like over a year. And I'm appalled that senior management does not recognise the rigorous training routines which I and the other reindeer have to go through."
"Rigorous training? Five years ago the reindeer helped with moving the toys around - now you just lie there and let the elves bring you moss and other nibbles. Dasher can't dash anymore, and the last time Dancer decided to live up to his name the elves thought there was an earthquake."
"Well, you can't expect us to risk our livelihood on tasks that aren't in our job description. Remember that year when half the kids asked for toy trains? And the accident? It's a wonder Vixen didn't lose a leg."

The red-suited man and the reindeer stared at each other intently for a moment, sizing each other up. Santa spoke first.

"So what is it that you want?"
"Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Well, after some discussion with my colleagues, we have the following demands. Firstly, we demand a lighter sleigh. We cannot see any reason why all the toys have to be delivered in one back-breaking trip every year, and a lighter sleigh will mean that we can work in shifts. Secondly, a better pension scheme. We're a little concerned that we haven't seen Comet since his retirement."

Santa was suddenly very glad that his reindeer fur waistcoat wasn't visible.

"Thirdly, we want a better cafeteria. No more standing awkwardly next to the elves, and more variety in the food on offer. Finally, you need to go on a diet - this relates to our first demand."
"Is that it?"
"For now, but obviously we will be continually re-evaluating our position as circumstances change."
"Hmmmmmm...."
"If our demands are not met, we will have no option but to down sleigh tomorrow."
"You leave me with little choice...but obviously these aren't very detailed requests. Would you care to come with me so we can discuss them in greater detail?"
"That sounds reasonable."
"We'll use the office in my grotto."

...the next morning...

Santa bounded out of his grotto to where the reindeer were lining up ready for work.

"Morning, lads! Well, I've got some good news for you. After a night spent in fierce negotiation, it's been agreed that there'll be some changes around here. You were right - it didn't make sense to do all the toys in one go, so the sleigh will be a little lighter this year. And there'll be more variety available to you in the cafeteria - today you can get meat if you want it. I think that was all, wasn't it lads?"
He stared at them intently, and they nodded one by one.
"However, there was also some bad news. I'm afraid that Schnitzel over-exerted himself during the negotiations and won't be joining us today. We'll be one reindeer short, but with the lighter sleigh I'm sure this won't be a problem. Right?"
More nodding.
"Now let's get cracking, shall we? These toys won't deliver themselves!"

He heaved himself awkwardly onto the sleigh and squeezed into the front seat. Maybe it was time for a diet...no, he'd just get the elves to extend the sleigh a bit next time.
At least his feet would be nice and warm this year in his new reindeer fur boots.

Er...Merry Christmas?