Monday, 28. January 2008, 14:53:41
dear friend
Oh, the discover the technique to completely tune out from the world . is a heaven sent. Remember then, how the time stood still as you eyes were opened , blanked and unbreathing, and u fought back?
remember , wonder what good could it do, now that u know that 'leaving', even in your sleep , is a damn choice? Your choice.
05. 0868 - Eternally Yours.mp3 the 5th song on the project of 'an evening by the window'
Sunday, 27. January 2008, 16:03:06
spectrum
a simple fact about doing good....
no matter how bad things had turned to become, always hope for the better . good to be better so that it'll be the best in the field that you're in and about. Yea?
S P E C T R U Mi am working on a series .. evening by the window... so i sat in the near future by myself thinking of the past... yes the passing of the time with the memories of the past...
so i am always in the quietest moment , always, wish that u're here with me, Shel. yes... to and for the good of the world..
Thursday, 24. January 2008, 15:07:35
Smile Within
and she said good bye many times to me, and the best thing was when this little girl from afar, just before i dissapeared from her view, she said.. come again tomorrow..
here's for your sweet
....
0861 - Dear Dora ( See You Tomorrow ).mp3
Wednesday, 23. January 2008, 14:56:12
Chua's Love
oh yea, so that's it . excursions of the quick mind. i have included everything possible that i've known, still i have stars seeing what's in front of me. Yep! much is still left unknown and i don 't really care to know anymore. at the end of the day, i am back with you, Shel. the excursion is just an excursion after all. and the world revolve as it shouldn't. sinners! 
. so have i used the excuse of being in love to explain everthing? u damn right, and standing proud because of it... the ones that have a better reason , yes, can kiss my azz.. yep right smack in the middle of it.
Loneliness is just as it supposed to be and tried my very best not to turn it into something what it shouldn't. i guess it's worse to be lonely and not to have anything else behind that door. at the very least , i got you on the other end. i begin again . fresh towels and fresh new face with the same heart. getting to know myself again , i am tired shel. very. i am getting better at putting potential problems on the sides pretending not to look at what they are truly are... turns out better not to have those boxes to begin with.
Sunday, 20. January 2008, 07:20:41
spots of indeed i am
someone said eyes are the windows of the soul... for me or you (which are most of us), visual plays most part of everything. we tend not to colloborate these other four senses with the utmost sense which is the visual. eyes are everything which we based our existence from. for when i close them, i have these other senses needed to be aided and acknowledge by these windows. everything here reflected nonetheless like the mirror, can u see through your own ....... ?admitting yourself to your loved ones of who you are is the best thing that could ever happenned to me. Yes. Me Me Me. Moi. Complete. Now I kept telling myself to come forth . Yes. So I come forth , but i didn't really know of what I brought with me? Always empty, plenty of laughters, best at reflecting nothing in particular. some cringed to be pointed out , here it is... nothing, until u start to talk again. I saw a young man in youtube, that is so dreamy
in his expression and yet , everything that he said, is concrete . and then he would look at the camera, and begin again , beautiful.
Many of us , ones most at peace are the one that speak with the tempo of his/her heartbeat. or vice versa. whatever.
shel , i looked around ... still i see you. every frequency , notations, and memories had the inclinations of you. go figure... if this is not love then , i don't know what is.
Saturday, 19. January 2008, 11:45:10
easing acceptance
some experiences are timeless. classic. you relate like hearts to love. you gave all you can and try not to take anything. easiest if you have good love with you all the time. i have mine, far away in a different horizon, but still , i still able to relate. yes the magic word. relate.
loneliness is not a mental state. it became something different altogether when u can't stand it anymore. I cherish my loneliness all the time. i got used to being alone. it is the missing you, Shel, that hurts. love supposed to be good. and by God, you have been more than good to me. this is why , the best is yet to come .( Chua cleaned the window pane diligently and tried to forget what had happened. Marianne had cried and told her about herself. She felt a ding! ding! went on her head. you see, when you able to relate, you don't sympathize, beginning of friendship don't cut from that, it grew from, being able to relate because she understood the tiny little things that most didn't see. it was the little details about her that remind her of herself . she didn't even need to say anything, she just held her hand and breathed. and they looked at each other eyes and 'relate' telepathically. 'We knew what we have been through. and it is ok to continuing on like this.'
The two kittens were back again. this time they were just staring at her. The black and white kitty, decided to walk forth slowly to her, and meowed meekly. Chua paused, and whistled 'People' . She noticed from the corner of her eyes , the orange kitty was losing weight since the last time she saw it.
Hmmm, the mother, she thought, is not present.
Chua kneeled and put out her right hands towards the kitten. 'Come here', she said softly. The orange kitten suddenly leaped forward and overtook the other one and muzzled in her hand. Chua smiled and picked both of them up and went back inside her kitchen).
Friday, 18. January 2008, 11:36:26
faint
(two days of no fuel for the body was something that i'll never forget. it was like when sorrow had a bottomless depth and anger crept like the dark on a nice sunny day, unexpected. strangest thing, and i kinda know of this , once the 24 hour time period had passed, u started to hollow. the hollowness turned into numbness and that!, i'll never forget. maybe i want to know how it is, to try to rid of that constant hunger ( i know it is impossible but nonethless.. ) it is something that relates to everything elses possible, desire lust anger joy sadness and the such. Man, it was freaky. So nowadays i felt like asking myself , wanna do it again?
)
Tuesday, 15. January 2008, 15:05:13
the town council
broken
Monday, 14. January 2008, 13:18:00
Hero Out
love is the illusion of possesion. i got you. in my heart. there. it's safe in here. with that illusion , it would be much better if u r completely aware of how possesion would lead to control and back to square one, illusion . yes. control is an illusion.
everything is an illusion. the only thing that u truly should have faith in , (excluding God for this matter, since he's overated for most of the time), is yourself. be aware of everything that you are about to do or say, which kills spontaneity and led to quick death
which is the result from boredom.
am at my peak. i am the just before. and the good thing is that , i know. the problem is, yes, i know.
back to the illusion matter, time is the killer of all possesions. time , soft and tender unseen in it's movement, kind in it's giving life, a killer nonetheless. the kick in the head is , be at peace with it. yes i have too much time on my hands.. damn it! which is an illusion. which lead to the freaking thing that started all of these peace protest. Love. And I am in the thicked of it.
if i ever made u uncomfortable , Shel , with the recent event, forgive me.. for i have known what u have just given me, thank you. soon - we'll see each other again. love you..
Sunday, 13. January 2008, 15:46:01
Chua and Her Days and Nights
( Marianne thought of what had hapenned. BANG! That's all she heard. And the rest was time well spent in the hospital for three months. The gun was jammed. Exploded in the hand of the shooter. Her forehead was bleeding from the explosion which blinded her eyes for months to come. She had met Chua in the therapy for her eyes while she was in the hospital.
They became close friends since she had no visitors , neither anyone in her life that cared for her.
Chua was a nurse that came to clean her wounds five times a week . That's how the friendship began.
To Marianne , Chua was a simple woman , living a simple life and Marianne herself was quite the opposite, so it was a match made in heaven. They would talk mostly about nothing interesting in particular. )
Yes. Simple chat. Interjecting silence, and knowing that everything is alright. Who wrote that song.. u said the best when u said nothing at all... great lyric by the way..
ummm.. yes we are fine..
we are b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l
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