Diane's Days

This picture will illustrate how long it had been since I had seen some of my family who live in Ohio. Thanks again to Pebbles for giving our family this gift, and for being such a take charge person, or I'm sure I would have worried my way right out of it!
The image on the left shows when I had last seen my niece Sierra, I forget what year it was exactly. The image on the right was the Sierra I met when I went to Ohio...so that should put this trip into perspective to anyone who may stumble upon this post.
The last time I had flown anywhere was back in 1985 or "86". Not much has changed since then, except the security checks. Phoenix airport gave me the "special treatment", thanks to my implants that I have since my motorcycle accident. This special treatment consisted of being held in a glassed in booth visible to all while waiting for the extra security motions. This I can understand, although a chair for the disabled to sit on while waiting would have been appreciated. After more of the magical wand waving and pat down I was finally allowed to proceed and gather my belongings. (This was the one and only time such extents were taken, thank goodness).
I had to change over planes in Chicago.

This airport, an amazing structure in it's immenseness, beauty hidden without. I was very relieved to have made prior arrangements for assistance to my next gate. Hats off to all the employees who help with this service, your help was very much needed and appreciated!
Once arriving at the Ohio airport I picked up my luggage and went to wait outside...it then dawns on me that I do not know who has been chosen to pick me up. I had sent my flight times etc, via email...it also dawns on me that I did not call Mom to confirm that they had received that email. Reality further sets in when I start to take inventory of the phone numbers I had brought with me...Yes I have all of my sons numbers, both work and cell...the cat sitter number...nope, no number for Mom or anyone there in Ohio.
I decide to hang outside for a bit before I go in to call the cat sitter who is the only person I had thought to leave the Ohio phone number with. Near by is a woman with a cane, her back to me, as she turns around I realize that it is Mom. It has been years since I have seen her in person, she has had a stroke since then, she looks so frail and thin. We marvel at finding each other since the board had my flight down as delayed...
On we go...here now I will skip to my first day of visiting with Brett.
Since my motorcycle accident, I am to say the least, a nervous passenger. I suffer taxi drivers who run yellow lights in silence, yet I involuntarily tense up, hang onto things, and use the "passengers brake". This ride was no different, though not out of necessity. Sierra was my designated driver for this day. As we get ready to leave and climb into Mom's car...sitting right in front of us is Sierras car...unusable due to damage from a previous accident. Sierra drives fine, the problem is with me.

We make it to the prison without event, a soft dry flurry of snow beginning just as we arrive. We make it through security and I am even allowed to keep my cane which is a formidable model with a heavy dragon skull head. If I must use one it will not be some old lady style even though that is where I am at.
We load up on vending machine food, mostly for Brett...poor boy...thinks this is good eating. I suppose compared to "prison food" it may be, and that is what he attests to. I must admit that the chicken and swiss cheese sandwich I had wasn't half bad, but on another day I tried one of the fish sandwiches that we had gotten for Brett. This one wasn't cooked all the way and it is too much trouble to be let back into the visiting room proper to use the microwave again. If Brett's had been anything like it I'm surprised we didn't inadvertently make him ill. We spent our time laughing and joking around...my getting to know my niece and the man my brother has become. Sierra laughs so hard at our childhood stories of way back when. The snow has already melted when it is time for our drive back, a feeling of bittersweetness fills me.


Mom was the one that took me to the prison on the rest of the days I had visits scheduled, and a fine pair we made hobbling up with our canes. I probably couldn't tell you what we all talked about during those visits. I do know that I tried hard not to talk about his case, just wanting it to be brother and sister time, laughing and bullshitting as it should be. I also know that if my life circumstances were different, or if I won the lottery, I would probably move to Youngstown to be closer to Brett. I so need to start buying a ticket! The last day of visiting is difficult and the ride home leaves me crying, softly, trying to not make it harder for Mom. Even though we are but a bit apart, she tries to give me my privacy. I expected the rush of emotions, but being prepared for it and preventing it are two different things. Sadness that Mom may never get to hug him before she dies, only having the chance to briefly brush his hand at each visit,the glass always between them. My God, how does she do it, it's so hard to leave him there...

It is such a great feeling to be around my Mom, those childhood memories and comforts... enjoying the feeling, whether it was sitting and drinking tea with her or staying out of her way when she was cooking. Yes, I did try to pitch in but Mom was, I think, in spoil this child she hardly sees mode.
We even got to celebrate my 50th birthday when I was back there, I guess now I can forgive Ria for reminding me that it was approaching. Aunt Mary's Swiss Steak is the bomb and this recipe will be added to the cookbook of family favorites the girls and I are building. Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob are also touchstones in my life, evoking comfort and security. Ria and I spent time checking out, and laughing at, all the old family photos Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob have on the wall downstairs. What an embarrassing riot we were as kids. My one regret was not staying longer and being able to spend more time with Ria. Perhaps next time, as it seems everyone here did manage to get by while I was gone.