Walk in Beauty

A couple of months ago I passed a house that I have visited only once in my life, 36 years ago. I was 18 years old then, and I stayed in the house for less than half an hour. Nothing dramatic happened. Only three little incidents, but they still ring through my life.

We were a few young people who were going to a party. We stopped at the home of one of the girls and waited for a car to take us the rest of the way. Her name was Anne Katrine, much too long a name for someone with a "height" of 157 cm, so we shortened it to Trine.

Two of the incidents were interconnected and involved Trine. The third one involved her niece of about four years who was visiting. I was sitting in a chair at the table through all of them.

First incident with Trine: She stood talking to someone. She mentioned B., a young man that we knew. She said that he would "always touch one."

Second incident with Trine: She came to my chair and put her arms around my neck from behind while telling me something. I have no memory what it was that she told me. Nothing important, I believe. Perhaps a practical information of some kind. Or perhaps she was just chatting. The significant fact was that she hugged me. I certainly did not over-estimate that fact, but neither did I under-estimate it.

I don't (and didn't then) believe that she was conscious about the connection between those two little incidents. She would certainly have been able to see it if someone had pointed to it, but she would hardly have been interested enough to observe it on her own. For her it was very simple: She said something disapproving about someone's behaviour. And that was that. And then she gave a hug to someone. And that was that.

But I immediately saw the connection. And the contrasts. B's touches – of her and perhaps other young women - were something that he took. They might not have been sexually offensive, but they were certainly intimidating and unwelcome. Trine's touch of me was something that she gave.

I got a little lesson in the difference between touches.

Incident with the niece: I have no idea if this incident was before or after the two with Trine. I think that both possibilities are interesting. Either way there may have been an element of causality.

Actually I do not remember what happened in this incident, but I can imagine how it went and I believe that my imagination is rather precise:

The little girl studied me for some minutes before she took her decision. She came to my side with a book in her hand. She asked me if I would read for her. I said yes, took the book and laid it on the table, took the girl and put her on my knee and read for her. And that was that. I had no idea that anything significant had happened.

But somebody else had. Trine later told me that her niece never did anything like that. She never approached strangers. She never allowed them to approach her. Trine's boyfriend had in vain tried to get in touch with her. He was not particularly amused to see me just having to sit there for a few minutes and then freely be given something that he simply could not get.

I have no idea which factors made the little girl act in such a way. Her behaviour fits well with so many others of my life's experiences, but then I don't know the explanation for them, either.

And perhaps it's best like that.

Here is a picture of a pond just beside that house:



A piece of small-town idyll, undisturbed by time. It would have been visible for me while I sat in that chair.