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by James - Insights (pr)offered intermittently

Local group ride

This is video from a local group ride, just in case you'd like a visual taste of what it's like to train in Seattle. To be fair, though, the Grateful Dead really don't feature as background music all over the city. Usually, it's newer Silversun Pickups, old school Pearl Jam, or anything by Beck.


Dream, dream, dream.....

Back in 1987, REM covered the song "Dream (All I Have to Do)." I don't know for sure what made me think of this song just now. Oh, wait a second. Yes, I do. My dog did it. Ashley sleeps like a champ. She can crawl into a crowded bed and sleep through a New Year's Eve party. And she often dreams in the midst of it.

About five minutes ago, she was snoozing peacefully. Five minutes before that, she was twitching and making all kinds of throaty, doggy noises. She was dreaming, probably hunting something. Waking, she has literally been scared by her own shadow and plays fetch only sporadically. Sleeping, she becomes a valiant hunter of field mice and wildebeests.

The hallmark of dreaming is REM, or rapid eye movement, a natural phenomenon with a namesake band: REM. Funnily, this might be their only performance using the word "dream." In any case, this cover needs an introduction. Way back in 1987, Athens, Georgia, was an enduring hotbed of alternative music. Athens was home to the B-52s and lesser known (but no less influential) bands like Pylon and Neutral Milk Hotel in the late 1970s.

That creative spark kept burning for the next fifteen years without pause. In 1987, about ten years into Athen's musical heyday, a local professor made the documentary Athens GA: Inside/Out. It's very interesting to me to watch this now. There's a sense that people are comfortable in their own skins, but that they're searching for something to set themselves apart.

It's common thing with artists: you eventually have to forget your influences. Given that, I'm glad that my favorite band of all time paid homage to the Everly brothers, whether they influenced REM or not. Mostly, I just like that a band named for sleep's dream phase covered a song about dreaming and really made it their own.


Is it really Spring again? Really?

Man, oh, man! The weather is finally turning for the better to stay. It's turned a few times already; it just turned back on itself. It's all good. Seattle is absolutely gorgeous when the sun is out, and that's happening much more often than not now. Plus, the days are getting long again. It doesn't really get dark until 9:00 PM. Ya gotta love that!

So what else is new? That will take awhile to answer, which I will eventually. It's been a long winter with many ups and downs. And on the up side, I'm racing my bike again. On an even more positive note, Steph has started riding with me again.

Cycling is very rewarding. Sometimes it's rewarding like lottery tickets: a minimal investment yields great dividends. Other times it's rewarding like raising a kid: it'll be worth it eventually. Steph is in the proverbial parental phase of her training due to her teaching schedule over the past year.

Being a chemistry teacher is always hard work, and it's harder when you're on tenure track. They expect you to do so much more than just teach. It's a reasonable set of expectations, assuming that you don't have to lecture at 8:00 AM and 6:00 PM on the same day. That isn't supposed to happen, but it does occasionally work out like that. It's happened to Steph a couple times since she got on tenure track. Fortunately, that's not the case this quarter.

Having a reasonable schedule this spring just might lead to a more enjoyable than usual summer. That would be very helpful to us both. Hopefully, we'll manage our time better and be in shape for the big bike rides, all three of them, this summer. Oh, there's also that wedding thing in August.

Speaking of which, does anybody know a good DJ in Seattle?

Happy Easter!





What's been going on?

It's been a busy few weeks since last I wrote anything. A new job really can take its toll on your personal life. Among other things, deadlines are deadlines, and they don't care how much you don't already know. As the new guy in the office, it's my duty to find out what new stuff needs to be learned. Then I have to learn it and turn it into something fabulous. Somehow, over the past few months, that's exactly what I've managed to do.

Thankfully, work and life are finally balancing out again. That means time for the climbing gym, time on the bike, and even a three day weekend recently. It feels good mostly. The climbing gym trips leave me a bit sore the next day, as do the hard rides. That's fine, though; I'd rather feel sore than soft.

On the other hand, racing has gone well, but it hasn't. I hit the road couple of weeks ago at one of the weekly races. It was a struggle racing for the first time in a year. A long layoff compromises the confidence, which is the only thing that makes up for a lack of aerobic conditioning. As it was, I hadn't ridden very much lately. Ten minutes into a 45 minute race, my lungs were burning. My stomach was cramping. My quads were on fire.

Man, I loved it!

I managed to hang on at the first race until the last lap, when I peeled off. Sprinters win those races. My friend Sean is a sprinter. He's super fast over the last 100 meters, and I'm... not. Just the same, racing is a rush! I finish near the front of the pack, and that's fine. I figured that the next Tuesday night race would be a little smoother. It was going really well until we had two laps to go. That's when three guys went down in front of me at 25 MPH (40 km/h).

That doesn't leave many options: (a) run over somebody and crash, (2) voluntarily crash, (d) come up with something else. I opted for the last choice, slamming down on both brakes, skidding to within a couple feet (half a meter) of the downed rider before releasing the rear brake. That let my back wheel come up off the ground while the front wheel stayed put. I jumped off and sidestepped the guy, the catalyst for this whole debacle in motion.

It saved me from hitting the ground, from hitting somebody else; but ditching a bike at speed can do a number on your components. The titanium bike frame was fine, but both derailleurs and one shifter are done for. Fortunately, in the Age of eBay and the Epic of Craigslist, hard-to-find parts groups are easy to obtain. The rear derailleur hanger (one small part of the bike frame) is bent so my greasy, gun metal gray baby is in the shop for a few days, i.e., no racing this week.

In case anybody's wondering, I do occasionally ride for pleasure, which was the plan for our recent three-day weekend. Steph has a week between academic quarters at the college where she teaches. I have unused vacation time. We pooled the temporal resources and took a Friday through Sunday trip to a not so faraway locale. We headed up to San Juan Island, one of Washington state's 300+ islands in Puget Sound. It's one out of a group that lies about three hours northwest of Seattle: 90 minutes by car, 90 minutes by ferry.

Our plans were simple: rent a small apartment for a couple days (check!), drive around Friday afternoon (check!), take lots of pictures (check!), ride our bikes around the island (unchecked). Saturday was supposed to be cool weather with a little rain. It was slightly warmer than predicted. It was also much wetter. The past two winters have been so wet that I've lost all patience for riding in the rain.

We realized our meteorological prospects and opted for a drive instead. It worked out well enough in the end, as the pictures can attest. Seriously, have a look! It's a beautiful place. Saturday saw us to the local breakfast spot, the Whale Museum, Roche Harbor (where it all began), and the winery (where we got all the wine for our August wedding).

We did have fun in spite of the weather, hiking quite a bit. We saw a lot of wildlife, too: a red fox (the biggest I've ever seen), black-tailed deer, herons, trumpeter swans, pileated woodpeckers, a pair of peregrine falcons, and even a camel. Yes, a camel - a camel named Mona, who isn't exactly part of the wildlife but augments the local fauna nonetheless.

Our trip home was uneventful with one unforeseen circumstance. We'd gotten in line at 8:45, right after the first boat of the day left, hoping to hang out at the coffee shop for an hour. The ferry schedule changed Sunday morning. The 10:00 AM ferry was now leaving at 11:00 AM. We sat down to coffee with resolve that the two hours were going to seem unnecessarily long.

Our sense of time melted without us noticing it. Tourists shuffled in and out. Locals gathered at nearby tables, and we surreptitiously overheard their banter. They weren't discussing anything with gravitas, but it was engaging to listen in. Before we knew it, the ship's horn sounded, beckoning all passengers back to the mainland's version of reality.

Island life really isn't for me. I'd miss riding my bike far and wide, never seeing the same thing twice. Even a small town, well, it would work if it were a pretty special place. The thing is, we lose sight of what life is all about. The city is exciting, but it makes you lose sight of the world at large. Life goes on in wide open spaces without the urgency and stress that we subject ourselves to everyday.

Ya know, I could probably find something to do for a living on the islands. I might not miss my long rides so much with this view just outside.

American Idol

I have to say that this is sappy and schmaltzy. In the best way possible.

Seriously.


Batlestar Galactica: What does James think?

Okay, I've been absent. That's not a confession since it's not a secret. It's just an admission. There are reasons galore, e.g., wedding plans, grandma's funeral, work deadlines, and the ubiquitous evil that is Facebook. Balance is returning via a pair of parallel processes: exercising my discretion over the things I can control and the timely evolution of things I cannot.

Now, I have some time to spare for other important things like watching the supremely badass sci-fi epic that is Battlestar Galactica, a.k.a. BSG. This is easily the single coolest show in its genre, which is more specific than just 'science fiction.' Not that anybody has a name for that genre, but it's easy to recognize.

BSG and others like it revolve around interstellar exploration as a cultural identity. Be it by choice, grand design, or against the collective will, the main cast are in flux and in constant transit. Maybe there's an end in sight (Star Trek), maybe not (Dr. Who). BSG has a two-fold mission: end war with the Cylons and find a new home.

I've been hooked on this show since it started. I can't wait to find out just what ties up all the loose ends, but it sucks thinking that the show might not go on. Really, where can it go after this? Lots of places, especially with the revelation of a few half-cylons.

Okay, it hasn't been revealed exactly, just implied. I think.

My hypothesis is that Kara "Starbuck" Thrace, Gaius Baltar, and Hera Agathon are all half-Cylon. Like Gaius, Starbuck has mentor that is undeniably real to her but nobody else. Starbuck and Hera are linked by the music that they both compose spontaneously. It happens to be the same song that a group of previously unknown Cylons heard spontaneously, All Along the Watchtower, when they first realized that they weren't human after all.



This one development could take the story in so many directions. Eventually, though, the humans will have to land somewhere or just die in deep space. They have a destiny that remains hidden for now. After some more space-wrangling, methinks we'll find out just what their destiny is. Meanwhile, I'll just have to keep watching.

Aw, shucks!

In memoriam

My grandmother died last week. She had an aortic aneurysm, a leak from the human body's largest artery. She'd had a long and full life, albeit not without its challenges. Not the least of which was an unjustifiable lack of confidence. She was capable to a fault. Everybody else knew as much and constantly reminded her. She just didn't always believe them.

Just the same, Grandma managed to succeed as a mother, as a cook, as a dietician, etc. It runs in the family, too. All five of her children have gone on to have great families. In all, she's survived by 21 grandchildren, 37 great-grandchildren, and five great-great-grandchildren. Yes, five!

Death is never an easy process for the survivors of loved ones. Partly, it's because we're selfish with each other. And that's okay; none of us lacks any iota of selfishness. That selfishness actually allows us to love one another. Spending time with somebody else, doing things for them, makes us feel good. And it makes them feel good. The pinnacle of affection is somebody always wanting more and always wanting to give more.

Had you ever been to Grandma's house, eaten her pies, or tasted her jam, you'd have felt the rapture of never getting enough of her. Nobody could get enough of Grandma. Now we can't get any more of her.

It was a shock colored with denial to hear that she was dying. The pulse raced as the mind thought that this cannot be real. It helped that she had some time with all of her children and her husband before her passing. She was able to say goodbye and even choose the dress she'd wear. She was dignified to the very end.

Flying to the funeral, I listened to a pair of songs from the same REM album, Automatic for the People. The first, "Try Not to Breathe," talks about death from the perspective of the dying. The second, "Sweetness Follows," is from the survivor's perspective.

I could go on and on about the lyrics, but they're straightforward enough. They make me reflect on my own mortality. They make me question the value of my own existence, like whether I'll live on in the people whose lives I've touched. They make me grateful for the things I can't regret, like spending time with Grandma. They help me accept what I cannot change, like not spending more time with her.


I will try not to breathe
I will try not to breathe
I can hold my head still with my hands at my knees
These eyes are the eyes of the old, shivering and bold

I will try not to breathe
This decision is mine. I have lived a full life
And these are the eyes that I want you to remember, oh

I need something to fly over my grave again
I need something to breathe

I will try not to burden you
I can hold these inside. I will hold my breath
Until all these shivers subside,
Just look in my eyes

I will try not to worry you
I have seen things that you will never see
Leave it to memory me. I shudder to breathe

I want you to remember, oh (you will never see)
I need something to fly (something to fly)
Over my grave again (you will never see)
I need something to breathe (something to breathe)
Baby, don't shiver now
Why do you shiver now? (I will see things you will never see)
I need something to fly (something to fly)
Over my grave again. (I will see things you will never see)
I need something to breathe, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

I will try not to worry you
I have seen things that you will never see
Leave it to memory me. Don't dare me to breathe
I want you to remember, oh (you will never see)
I need something to fly (something to fly)
Over my grave again (you will never see)
I need something to breathe (something to breathe)
Baby, don't shiver now
Why do you shiver? (I will see things you will never see)
I need something to breathe (something to breathe - I have seen things you will
never see)
I want you to remember


Sweetness Follows
Readying to bury your father and your mother,
What did you think when you lost another?
I used to wonder why did you bother,
Distanced from one, blind to the other?

Listen here, my sister and my brother
What would you care if you lost the other?
I always wonder why did we bother,
Distanced from one, deaf to the other

(chorus)
Oh, oh, but sweetness follows

It's these little things, they can pull you under
Live your life filled with joy and wonder
I always knew this altogether thunder
Was lost in our little lives

(repeat chorus 3x)

It's these little things, they can pull you under
Live your life filled with joy and thunder
Yeah, yeah, we were altogether
Lost in our little lives

Oh, oh, ah

(repeat chorus)

Oh, oh, oh, but sweetness follows

One Small Day

So my friend Hungry Ghost's recent entry brought back memories of a song by the ever evolving band Ultravox. "One Small Day" just struck a nerve with me.

I'll concede the video is a bit dated, but it's still a good tune. Just try not to get hung up on the mirrored sunglasses, peg-leg jeans, and ghost imaging. That was all very cutting edge in 1984. Enjoy!


Parking Lot Epiphany

The other day an episode from my past came up in coversation, one in which I'd had an epiphany. By epiphany, I mean an experience or realization that altered my perception permanently. And it happened in a parking lot.

The University of Washington has limited parking space so it charges for the privilege of using it. They have card readers that allow students to pay for parking with their ID cards, which are linked to their accounts. You swipe the card through the reader, and the gate rises to allow passage into the parking lot. Otherwise, you just pay with cash. Both are easy enough, but the ID card rate is about two-thirds the cash rate.

The readers weren't working that day. I had to turn around, drive to the bank, get some money, and drive back. This was on top of a frenetic schedule. Aggravation was waxing, and tolerance for frustration was waning.

Pulling up to the parking lot gate, it seemed that I was going to finish my last task for the day on time. Lo and behold, another car was pulled up to one of the card readers and going nowhere. The driver was swiping an ID card repeatedly. The gate was holding fast, refusing to budge. I pulled up to an adjacent gate, deposited a five dollar bill, got a dollar back, and saw the gate rise. Four dollars had slain the dragon of electronic adversity.

Pulling forward, I glanced in the rearview mirror to see the other car sitting right on my bumper. The mother and daughter in the car were going to try to follow me through the gate without paying. In the past, I'd have let it go. I've spent lots of time being way too nice, but that wasn't going to happen today. For the first time ever, I yelled at a stranger.

ME: Back up!
THEM: (giggle innocently, saying nothing)

(pause)

ME: (stare)
THEM: (stare back)
ME: (scowl)
THEM: (mouths agape with "don't you know how important we are?" look)
ME: (scowl with arms crossed)
THEM: (leaning out the window) The machine won't read my card, and we need to park.
ME: That's not my problem.

That last line was the epiphany: it's not my problem. It was the first time I'd said that to anybody. They were shocked that I'd refused to enable their illegal parking job. Apparently, though, they were above the law: they wrote down my car's license plate number.

I went about the rest of my day feeling good about work, but that outburst was a bit bothersome. I didn't feel guilty, but where had it come from? Since then, it's become clear: I'd had enough.

One thing, though, hasn't clarified with time: what were those two gonna do with my license plate number? Tell the cops?