Valius Today

It came in 5 boxes. One box was blue, one red, one green, one yellow and the last was black. I could tell by the shape that the black one was the one I was going to open first. After opening the black box I was a little puzzled. It was a screen but not the one I had ordered. I actually liked this one a lot better. So I begain opening the rest of the boxes.

I'm not much on reading directions since most of the time understanding the directions is harder than assembling the product. So I just dug in and started assembling my new "toy". On one of the boxes I happened to notice that it said that included were the lifelong velithium batteries. Wonder what they were? Anyway back to the assembly. It took 14 hours but at last I had it all together. Strange, it didn't look anything like what I had ordered. However I was ready to turn it on. I looked for a plug but after not finding one I remembered it had the velithium batteries. As I put the last of the 6 batteries in place a yellow led came on. "Alright"! I was in business, but what now.

I confess I glanced at the owner's manual and saw that I had to push the little blue button. All of a sudden the screen flashed and I got a clear picture. The show was just starting so I watched intensely.

Hello visuporter #1 this is the Larry King Show and I'm Larry King with King's Komments. visuporter you have to turn your audio down and push the red button. Ok how are you? You look great today and welcome to the studio. What komment do you have?

Well Larry, it's nice to be here...the studio is a lot larger than it looks on visuport. I just want to tell you that I missed most of your program yesterday and wanted to know what the next great era was after the Roman Empire...you know the part where you were sayong about the lost history.

Oh that! I was simply reminding our audiance that during the Nixon years we lost 7 years of history because someone erased the archieve hard drives. I have to interupt with a message from our sponsors "Momma's N Jammas Pizza" delivered right to your bedroom. Just call and we'll send you Mommas N Jammas....now back to what I was saying...the other great history gap happened just one day after Obama took office. It was when Bush announced that he had found weapons of mass destruction right there in the white house. We lost several years of history after an air strike was initiated on the white house. I hope that answers your question.

Visuviewer #2 you're on the air...just push the red button. visuporter #2 are you there? Who? Alexander? Did you push the red button? No there's no Watson here. What did you say your name was? Graham Bell? I think we have a bad connection so we'll go on to visuporter #3, please push your red button. Here you are...and what Komment do you have for us today.

Larry I think we need to do something...we haven't had a new birth in the world in over 100 years but with no one dying it has remained a crowded place to be. Now Dick Clark has been unfrozen and that guy you have on the afternoon program that keeps muttering about loving Rutgers. What is a Rutgers anyway.

Oh you're talking about Don Imus

That's him! Something really needs to be done. Wait........Larry don't push that green button................................

We'll need another teleporter after this message from Soylent Green...Ok here we are back and we have Televiewer#3 just now pushing his red button...Welcome to the studio #3...what's on your mind?


Well Larry...Larry...Larry I was just thinking do you think that if the Jets do unfreeze Vinnie Testaverdie and bring him back that they can break the Patriots 4,329 game wining streak? I think ever since Fedex and Sevenup merged to become "Fedup" the world is going crazy.

First of all teleporter #3 you have to get your facts straight...the Jets are talking about unfreezing George Blanda not Vinnie Testaverdie...and I don't think the Jets can beat the Patriots since their new underground stadium is really better suited for the Patriots...thank you #3

but Larry...Larry...I....

Let's have televiewer #4...Oh ok...we have to break now for the news with Pat Robertson. Welcome Pat

Larry there's no good news today. If you just look around you can see gloom, doom and war. I wanna just tell you that we have live pictures from the war in West Jablutti where The Final Frontier of Free Fascist have called for a cease fire so that the two sides can finish yesterday cricket match. I've been told that after the match they will watch a special viewing of Rocky 6,024 before continuing to bomb the hell out of each other. Remember this war is brought to you by Gerber's Golden Gobber bars.

Thank you Pat...(can someone get him outta here?)

Larry please take your hand off the green button...thank you!.

ok televiewer #4 thanks for waiting...and what is your Komment?

Larry, I'm so glad you asked me that...you see I have a problem with bees...not all bees but just female bees.

ok televiewer #4 let me see if I understand you correctly...you have a problem with shebees?

no Larry I don't call them shebees...I call them lesbees...and I thi...

We need to go to a sponsor now so just remember to keep using Timex teleporters they take a licking and keep on ticking.

no Larry I don't think that's your teleporter that's ticking....................................................................
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Whoa, you know maybe I'm just going to send this thing back!