It's getting close now. Closer to my departure from Germany. Closer to the moment when I leave my old life behind and get immersed in something that is entirely new. A whole new country in which I have never been any longer than 2 weeks. And now there are just 8 months lying ahead of me. But this also means being cut away from my friends and family. Especially being away from these old friends. That might be the hardest part. It's not that I don't like living alone. I've been doing this for a while now. But staying some 1000 kilometres away from the best friends I could imagine, from those who always catch me before I fall and to whom I feel responsible and dedicaed, these friends who also share my musical ideas and band... this is bitter and it makes me sad. When I think of them I just don't want to leave. But after all, it needs to be done. It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and a great opportunity which isn't achievable for every random guy. In fact, I must be quite lucky that I even got this post. So it has to be done. And it will be done. And this is getting fuckin exciting right now. Three weeks left.
...still, it won't leave my head. Another band here whom I saw, a German folk rock band called 'Schandmaul'. They are way softer than any other band who played there. But just fuckin' amazing. Since they don't release any official videos, here is just a clip I found on youtube. The song is simply great and reminds me of the festival experiences.
Usually I tend to hate the increased and exaggerated use of these 3 words. These 3 holy words. I have always been a fighter for the accurate and careful use of them. And I don't make a difference this time. I love this music, which I became acquainted with on Summer Breeze 2009. Seriously. This is art, this is passion, this is everything. This is just the greatest lovesong ever written.
The festival is over. And I am back home. And sober. Wow.
Band recommendations will follow later this or next week.
It was a cool time, and against my dark expectations I wasn't drunk all day. And against my very dark expectations I wasn't sitting around all day and enjoying some bands only. And against my indeed black expectations I did things I thought I would never do. But I did. And I don't feel bad with it. After all, I had a very good time there. Saw a lot of cool bands, met a lot of interesting people... guess what? These 4 days probably were the best 4 days of the last 4 years or so. It leaves me dumbfounded, completely. Speechless. I still don't know what to say and how to act.
And although I am afraid that I won't ever see you again: I will never forget you. Never.
On friday I exchanged the hdd of my toshiba laptop. Now I enjoy 320 instead of 80 gigs. I need this, since my old hdd was kinda full and I intend to take some fotos when I go over to England. And they need space. And my music needs space. Quite a lot. So I connected this thing to the sata port of my laptop, put all screws back and started the thing. Wasn't such a big deal after all, except that I decided to make a fresh reinstallation of win xp. That was the bigger thing. But doable, just a bit time-consuming.
(the biggest problem was that I misunderstood the information of a system analysis tool as an IDE port, so I ordered the wrong hdd at first but soon got a new one... thanx a lot to Mario, I'd have probably lost my nerves if he hadn't have a look on it)
But for now, everything's running quite fine again... the hdd works. Fast and extremely quiet. Next big thing will be some more RAM memory, an update from currently 1 to 3 gigs. IF my laptop is still alive after my return from the island. It's kinda old, after all (3 and a half years now). So I'll just see.
But it feels good to have so much space on such a small tool as a laptop.
From tuesday to sunday: Summerbreeze 2009. Yea. Katatonia, Opeth, Moonspell... it will be great.
And it's not such a long time until I leave Germany. This is exciting. And to be honest, I am quite in a good mood to go right NOW... and never come back.
A slow summer slowly burning away. A useless summer, a shit. A whole mess which I still dare to call my life.
Nothing will change that. Summerbreeze next week won't change that. Some fun here and there won't change that. Our next gig won't change that. This ship is going to sink. It's merely a matter of time. It has been too much... just way too much. Too much of all the sickness, depression, mental breakdowns and myself lying on my bed and thinking.
I am the wreckage of a former fighter. I am the iceberg that disappears into the sea. The candle without any wax left. A black whole that sucks and destroys itself until nothing is left.
I used to listen A LOT to such music... when I was around the age of 18 or 19. Quite recently I 'rediscovered' some of these bands for me. Bands such as Das Scheit, Zeraphine, Mono Inc., Screaming Silence, Zeromancer... they are neither particularly agressive nor Manson-clones... this is just something different and it fits well to my current musical taste. A taste of which I thought it would long be gone.
I've begun to prepare my stay in England. It's a bit complicated, despite the English EU-membership there are still a lot of documents to be handed in, plus I need a new ID and a passport. Which is biometric in Germany, and that's why I had to go to a photographer this morning in order to let him take 'biometric' photos of me. And that's why I write that I have begun my preparations. Because up to now I have done nothing else.
But I got up early for these stupid photos, I'm on a good way!
But, on the other hand...
I still need to buy the tickets for the flight. I still need to do all the paperwork. I still need to request the police check. I still need to buy a lot of new, smart clothes (strict dress code in English schools, lol). I still need to hand in all my papers for this semester at university before I go. I still need to cancel my rental agreement and find someone who'll be my successor in flat-sharing.
And quite soon I'll begin a new, German language based blog in order to inform my friends and relatives of what's going on there. A special 'England blog' without any English in it.
Which doesn't imply that I would ever stop writing in this good, old blog.
It's hot outside. According to the thermometer it's 31 degrees in the shadow. Yea. And my parents are on vacation, which means that I am responsible for the house as long as I can be here. The semester ends for me on wednesday... they are on vacation until sunday... and until then I can do whatever I want.
Although the problem seems to be that I don't know what I want to do.
Sometimes I wish that the predicted thunderstorms will wash everything away, including me. Sometimes I wish that my existance just stops without me doing anything for it. A deadly accident, a landslip, a flood, or simply a pretty nice fire.
He died on 4th July. After he was wandering in the LCD display of my laptop. So sad. And he killed 4 pixels. Such a jerk. I'd kill him if he wasn't already dead.
And just by the way, this shouldn't cover the fact that my life is going down the drain right now. Wish I could go to England now instead of in 3 months, just to make a change.
October 2009December 2009
WIDGETIZE