From now on

This post could have taking many forms. I could have told you the whole story from the beginning: From the day I have started working with Dalexia three years ago while I was still living with my ex. And how a good work relationship has turned into a friendship and how and why this friendship has turned into a love affair.

I could have also told you how this beautiful love affair has grown in the last months and explain all the ups and down that came with it due to the complicated situation that we find ourselves in.

I could have told you how it came to a point that it was no longer tolerable for the two of us and why we had to resign ourselves to quit seeing each other or have any contact at all because no matter how hard she tries, she can't make a definitive move because she needs some time to find herself first.

I could have told you all the attempts we have made to take a break and let dust settle so we could see clearer and how, even today, we find excuses or we simply fail to keep this no-contact promise.

I could have told you the heart-tearing story about two persons that are foolishly in love with each other but can't share this love because the timing is not right.

I could have told you all the repercussions that this too highly emotional situation have had on our lives, all the lack of sleep, lack of appetite, how she found herself loosing her job at the park and how I can't concentrate myself on my future professional projects or even on my trip to Guatemala.

I could have told you that it is me who ask her to stop updating her recently started blog and stop her 365 project because it would have been unbearable for me to read or see her everyday stories. I could have told you how she has comprehensibly accepted and why she has also decided to completely delete all her previous posts.

I could have told you that she will read this post because she cannot stop taking a glimpse at my blog every day and how she would probably comment if she wouldn't hold back herself.

I could have told you how I believe that giving her time to herself is the only way that we could give us a chance to get back together later when she will found an emotional stableness and how it's difficult to do.

I could have told you how I should move on with my life and have no expectation because no matter what happen in the end, it's useless to feel the way I feel. And then again I could have told you how I believe that it is ok to feel sad when you're sad and angry when you are angry. We are human after all...

I could have told you all the bitterness I have when I think about all the great time we had together and all the good time we could have.

I could have told you about this strangest feeling of sharing a deep mutual love, never had a fight or disagreement and living nearby but still having to act like if it was definitely over between us.

I could have told all this and many more things because no matter how hard I try, she occupies most of my thoughts.

But since most of you will find it hard to comment about this post, I will give you the opportunity to write a simpler comment by posting a photo I took with my new camera. My much loved Canon Powershot S3 has given her last breath after 25 000 photos and instead of buy another “bridge” I have decided, after a long reflection where I asked all my entourage their opinions( And guess whose opinion really convinced me? a hint: we have a no-contact promise!) to go in the big league and buy myself a real SLR. Ok it's an "entry level" type SLR but for unemployed man, it will have to do the job.(Since I will be also unemployed for the 2 next months because it's impossible for me to find a job when I'll be leaving for 5 weeks in 4 weeks!)

After 2 days, I'm far from being comfortable with my new Sony A200 menus and possible settings but with a bit of luck and many tries, I have managed to take this shot:



Tomorrow, I leave for Thetford Mines for the week-end. I have a pre-trip preparation that will last the whole week-end. Maybe after this workshop I will know better how all this volunteer work trip to Guatemala will work. I'll keep you inform.