Well today sent me on a emotional 3 hr whirlwind. all started by magnificant mother.We dont have a real relatonship;needless to say were fallen out greatly over the years.It all started with the phrase"how you feeling".All she wanted to do is dig the gap between us and i didnt let it happen.She decided to tell me my mental illness was an excuse, i was lazy, wanted to live off the system. She refuses to believe i have a ginuwine disorder and been diagnosed 2 times in my life with bipolar/ mood disorder.once in the late 80'sand as recent as january of this year.Me going thru vocational rehab is a hand out,going to addictions and anger managment is a cope out.All from a person who refuses to see my kids and play favorites between her 9 grandkids.She a"working women in a mans world" she doesnt want to take the time to know my wife or my 5 kids.Even one time before with my exwife and 2of 5 kids i was offered money to divorce her(no i didnt take the money)thats the controlling nature of my mother.A person who's been married 5 times and admitted to me she went thru the same situation as i am now;even my grand mother also did the same.So as you can see it runs in the family
January 24 2012. tomorrow i go to my first meeting with my case manager at oaklawn..Im a lil nervous and excited to know more about my mental disrder. i also might start a group called P.I.I.T this week.Asfar as my mental state its a come and go thing.i still dont like taking these pills.Im up to 7 a day.3 lithium,3 chlynodine and trazodone aat night.Though im noticing the chlynoddine isnt helping with the stress or anger.
Had a bad day on saturday night.It started around 730pm when aafter having a killer lasagna dinner my 11yr old help Make.I wanted to lay down on the couch to let it settle and i fell asleep.Maybe a half hour of sleeping i woke uup with my 2 yr old jumping on my back and my 4 yr old screaming at the top of her lungs"give it back".I went from calm and relaxed to a raging bull with his nuts in a sling.I sent put the baby on the floor and immediatly focused on my 4yr old.I sent her to her room and outta no where my wife showed up and told her to go sit down.This has been an issue that been going on for a while now and doesnt seem to be making the situation any better by my wife going against my demands and letting my 4 yr old do what she wants and when she wants.I got up went to my room and called it a night.
my wife and i seem to agree, im a lil better without my one medicine...funny though the dr want me to take it..the past few days have been good emotionaly..minus the shakes which i noticed are not as bad as long as i go for a walk before i goto bed.
thought id write a lil.have not been on the meds for a few days,trying to get things back together again. had a few mishaps since last writing but nothing too serious.i finished anger managment class but dont get my certificate till i goto individual theorpy. i still fight with depression and cant seem to get a grasp on things. ive had a yearning,if you will,to go back to church again.something i hav not felt in a few years. i guess its a matter of just going.
Had a really good fathers day weekend with the kids.We went to the park, went swimming, went for a walk..Got a shirt nd a pair of shorts as gits an even got a homemade car from my kids..Nothingg but oringinal like a ccard from scratch paper from the kids..Love it,had a steak dinner cant beat that
Do you belong to one of the five indigo generations? | Learning Mind im in the beta generation 1968 to 1978.
After looking back on the past few days im really proud of myself for handling everything very well.As the days got close to my wife giving birth to our beautiful lil girl,i was not sure id mentally be able to handle being in the delivery room..Not that im skiddish about those things.Im thinking more of the mental hurry up and wait game..I di pretty well copared to what b thought id be llike.Seeing my daughter born kinda put me in a reality check.I been putting off alot of things,work mainly.Im waiting on vocational rehab to either confirm or deny and here i thought something would of happenedd already.It hasnot.The longer i sit and wait the harder its going to be for me to find work because i havent worked in almost 9 months...My income is based off a friend an what lil we get form other resouces..Butt i have to stick with it for a whie longer to see results from this rehab place.
|November 2013January 2014|