Tuesday, 30. December 2008, 03:36:32
I truly don't know what i would do if i didn't have you in my life. I love you with all my heart. I've never had someone care about me the way you do. I've never cared about anyone the way i care about you. No one ever understands me, But you do. You always seem to know whats on my mind, your the only one i ever want to be around, the only one i want to talk to, and the only one i ever want to talk about. I make myself have reasons to want to hate you. But i can't i've never been in this deep and i'm afraid to get hurt again. It may not be the time for the deepest and most sincere (i love you's) but you know i mean it when i say it. I love you from the bottem of my heart and if that aint sincere enough for you for now, than i truly don't know what to say nor do. I'm in love with you and thats all you and i should want and need to hear. Lets not fight no more fighting hurts and i feel as if i'm gonna lose you everytime we do. I can't and i wont let that happen, I love you way to much to ever let something like that happen, i'll fight for you untill the day i die. I'll never ever let you go, You can think again if you thought i would. Your my world, my best friend, my everything, my soul mate. What do you say to that? Don't fight with me thats all i ask. Don't ever go anywhere other than here in my arms for forever. I need you, i want you, i love you. Can't you see that?
Friday, 26. December 2008, 01:28:18
Lets see this years christmas eve was so much different than all the others my pap wasn't involved untill about 5 we went to see him in the hospital. They took him in i guess he had a minor heart attact. Well he's now home in witch i think was his doing. He discharged himself so he could be with my grandmother today. Witch was sweet. The sweetest thing ever but i wish he would of stayed. Didn't fall asleep until about 5 this morning worring about pap and cried myself to sleep. I'll tell you now i'm glad to have the friends i have. Glad to have the family i have SOMETIMES. Like yestorday Timmy boy called me like seriously 20 times to make sure i was okay. Anthony called idk how many times u lose count in like 10 mins he keeps calling. I would of never thought that i would ever have to go through this stuff and i'm so glad Anthony is here i know he ain't going no where. Matthew even called me a few times last night to make sure i was okay and explained if i ever need to talk he was there i thought that was extremly odd even for him. I'm glad were talking again that makes me feel alot better knowing he doesnt hate me. I know he never did but the thought of him maybe hating me killed me for awhile. But i relized that if he hated me he wouldn't of made an effort to tell me the stuff he did he wouldn't of made it seem like he cared. I'm praying my paps gonna be fine i'm praying that god will be a loving God one time and give it to my pap he deserves it. I think he does. Christmas day dad got drunk as always. haven't had a sober Christmas since 4 years ago with everything that happened in the family bacause of me. But they say things happen for a reason and i've heard from many people that they happen to make you stronger. I'm glad the way things worked out if it wernt for that i would of never meet my bestest friend, my boyfriend, and my best friend, and many other friends and i would of never learned the stuff i now know... Pray for pap please! he's an amazing guy... One of the best. Marry christmas... Thank GOD for today and pray for tomorrow you don't wanna piss that being off. He can distory u faster than you think. ONE HELL OF A CHRISTMAS lose a close friend and about to lose your pap wow one hell of a Christmas.
Sunday, 21. December 2008, 00:59:12
I've got something to tell you that I just can't say
So I'm writing it down in case maybe someday
Our lives take a turn down a road
We can't see right now
I know you're happy and I'm happy for you
But since you found each other
I've been so confused
Cause I believe there's one soul on this earth
That was meant for mine
I was sent here to find
What if it's you
What if our hearts were meant to be one
What'll I do
Knowing that I'll never love anyone
As much as I do love you
What if it's true
What if it's you
If destiny called and I missed my cue
Do I get one more chance
Oh how I wish I knew
I'll never again put my heart in the hands of fate
If it's not too late
What if it's you
What if our hearts were meant to be one
What'll I do
Knowing that I'll never love anyone
As much as I do love you
What if it's true
What if it's you
If I ever hold you I'll never let go
But if I never do how will I know
What if it's you
What if our hearts were meant to be one
What'll I do
Knowing that I'll never love anyone
As much as I do love you
What if it's true
What if it's you
What'll I do
What if it's true
What if it's you
Saturday, 20. December 2008, 19:42:46
Your the one in my dreams at night, while stars shine and in my mind good things twine. Every night i wish to see you, to hold you, and feel you. But yet these things i never show, i just want you to know that they are there. For you when you're in spare for love. And so i end in my deepest reget that i waited so long to show my love to you. But you man more to me than anything.
MY CHEST FEELS LIKE ITS ABOUT TO ERUPT. EVERY BREATH I TAKE FEELS LIKE IT MAY BE MY LAST. THE WORLD WAS A COLORFUL PLACE FOR ONLY A MOMENT. ANOTHER GREY DAY WITHOUT YOU HAS JUST PASSED.
Monday, 15. December 2008, 00:35:37
I'm in like the most disturbing part of my life right now i don't think everything is okay now not yet now for awhile. pain hurts love hurts worse.
Monday, 15. December 2008, 00:20:07
Matthew Tyler - i'm gonna put it this way the easiest way i can think of. i have known you 4 3 years now u have been here 4 me through alot. U know alot more than what i can say u seem to know it before i do. Last year when we started to talk i thought well were just friends 4 now i doubt that well be talking by the end of the summer. The hell i was wrong if anything i think we got alot closer & i'm so glad. yah we fight soo much and we can't be in the same room for an hour without saying something stupid to each other but hey only true friendship has bumpy roads and ours is really bumpy sometimes worse than others. I'm so glad i met u cause without u i probly wouldn't be the person i am your a true dude my true friend and i'll always be here for u. i do love u no matter wat. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT!!!!!!
Monday, 15. December 2008, 00:10:20
Timmy Boy- your my true best friend i couldn't ask for a better one your there for for me when i need you And your there when i don't. I've never had a friend like you And i'm glad that i've got close to you. your amazing how you can put up with me and all my problems And put yours aside just to make sure that i'm okay. i luv ya for every little thing that you do And if you ever need anything i'm here for you i'll do anything in this world for you. I don't know what i'm gonna do without you when you leave. i know your just a phone call away and an email over the internet. stuff like that is normal but yah timmy whats gonna happen to you and me are we still gonna be bestest friends it hurts to know your gonna be gone in a short time and i'm hardly ever gonna see you. i just really hope you know i love you sooo much. my bestest friend the first person that knows anything about me and knows when somethings bothering me. your not just my bestest friend you know your my brother the only thing that keeps us from that is there is no blood between us. . Timmy boy your my bestest friend and my brother by heart i love you soo much...
Sunday, 14. December 2008, 00:32:56
Let the stars fade and fall
And I won't care at all
As long as I have you
Every kiss brings a thrill
And I know that it will
As long as I have you
Let's think of the future
Forget the past
You're not my first love
But you're my last
Take the love that I bring
Then I'll have everything
As long as I have you
Let's think of the future
Forget the past
You're not my first love
But you're my last
Take the love that I bring
Then I'll have everything
As long as I have you
As long, as long as I have you
Wednesday, 10. December 2008, 21:37:46
FONT=century gothic]what do you say when someone says they love you and you don't
love them back?
How do you leave and walk away without turning back?
How do you live without love?
Today marks 4 months and 14 days since me and Anthony began dating. I've never been this happy and i don't
know how i was living without him before. I think, I KNOW we are ment to be forever and ever amen. I know
what your thinking your probly thinking i'm high off my horse but hey hey hey no one and i mean no one has
ever made me feel this way. When he told me he loved me for the first time i had no doubts in mind he
shows it in everyway you can possibly think of. He accepts me for who i am and who i'm not. He makes me
laugh and smile like no ones bissiness. Touches me until i feel like an angel, holds me until i fall
into the depth of our souls. If thats not love then you tell me what the hell it is. I have never in my
life experenced something this strong. When he's gone i feel so dead but when we are around theres no
end.
God gave me a gift when i meet him and he's giving me the gift of undying
love.
Sunday, 7. December 2008, 20:07:23
I think my mom is nuts
i sware to god seriously i don't
wanna leave the school i'm in right now. I can graduate this
year cause maybe its cause we work in books
and i cheat in every subject. Except math i need that and i
kinda do my language i wanna be a writer. But
seriously i leave the school i'm in-when am i gonna see anthony?
When and where? we arnt even allowed to
be in a room alone to watch a movie and yah it aint that i'm easy
or anything and i know anthony would
never make me do anything i didn't wanna do... Remember this
i was raped when i was younger and he
understands he talks to me abouy it when i get upset and just
the type of person he is i know better
starting jan 14-15 i'm going back to my old school... witch sucks.
All my friends are where i'm at now and
i know i make mistakes but maybe i should concider it cause
my best friend matthew is so pissed off at me.
He won't even look at me not a simple hello Lindsey
or anything i just don't 'understand what did i do. He
told me that he had feelings for me and then i made him sick
i just don't understand. Mom says that i
pushed him to far cause i just wanted to see if he really
did like me witch i ddin't doubt him like he
told me a few times i just never thought about it and i wouldn't
do that cause i know how bad it hurts to
see someone you really like with someone else whos just using
them or is gonna hurt them really bad... I
warned you don't ever say i didn't... Yah maybe i did wanna
see a little cause he hurt me in the past but
like i didn't take it that far. And i moved on it just seriously
feels like someone has their hand in my
chest and ripping at my heart it hurts that bad just
the thought of losing him after all the stuff we been
through together. I don't know what to do if you have any
advice on that please let me know... Tell me
what you think i should do and your perspective on it please.
But my moms nuts lol you would find that out
the first time you'd talk to her lol...
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