When will my sky turn blue?
Sunday, 6. July 2008, 16:33:18
When all else fails
I know you will be there
When everyone defies me
I know you will lift me up...
But when will my sky turn blue?
I had been undergoing a lot of emotional turmoil reently...=/ First is the upcoming thesis concept paper due next week. I was hoping it would be a piece of cake, but no, one of my group mates had to screw everything up and ruin my day!
I hate her! How would you feel to have someone in your group who keeps complaining and does nothing? Who, despite of how clear the instructions given to her were, still can't understand and do something she's supposed to do properly? I have come to the brink of erupting when this group mate...nicknamed PANDA, (due to her obscenely darkened eyes from the improper use of eyeliner...who also happened to have escaped safely from the Sze Chuan Earthquake in China just recently...) sent her review of related literature to me. I have never seen anything so painful to the eyes and so unnerving, in my life. Okay, I can understand if she doesnt know how in-text citation are supposed to be used, but I absolutely will not tolerate ignorance in critical analysis writing! All of us received equal level of education regarding research paper writing, no one was deprived of anything, unless she is either extremely stupid or incorrigibly stubborn, she should have known what was there to include in a review of related literature for the thesis. I am rarely a person to complain about such things as I am generally quite tolerant and considerate, but this is our thesis paper I'm talking about, she should hold some responsibilities, if not all, as a member of the group. How naive of me to think that our(the two other members including me) confrontation on her would be effective in trying to encourage her to work more and motivate her to contribute more efforts into her outputs. I, rather we, should have known that someone like her is utterly hopeless to improve. Telling her that it would have been better for us to drop her out of the group, while the three of us work on the thesis did not make her change, perhaps crying for a short while, but with her insurmountable crocodile tears streaming down those cold emotionless unfathomable eyes, I somehow doubt that there would be any use in confronting her. We'd given her several chances to correct and straighten herself up, but she takes them for granted and now that she's about to be removed from the group, pleading for forgiveness is no longer an option to sway our decisions...
Secondly, I have been severely bothered by this weird feeling that keeps growing inside me. Sometimes it feels like darkness, and sometimes it feels like heaven. I am surrounded with an unexplainable aura that is somehow able to alter my mood from time to time, or even from minutes to minutes. Even my only outlet of writing poems has lost its power to calm down my senses...something is very wrong with me. I fear the thought of not being able to be in control of my life, of the things I deem important to me. This feeling of emptiness is slowly enveloping me, trying to lock me up in eternal darkness, deprived of all the wonderful colors my life once had and replacing them with the color people fear most - black, endless black. I need someone to bring hope and happiness back into my life...perhaps love is one way to penetrate darkness? perhaps optimism is also another way to push away sorrow and pessimism? I really don't know...It's as if I am waiting for something, and it seems to be an endless one, which the answers I would never get. Perhaps I am waiting for the red light ahead to turn green, before I could go on with my dreams and ambitions. Despite the presence of my wonderful family and friends, I cannot seem to overcome the feeling that something is missing in my life...something dear, something worthy of me betting all that I have on...could you please tell me what that could be?
Seeing nothing by darkness
I feel the spinning dizziness
As I slowly close my eyes
And embark on my neverending journey
While the rain washes and the snow falls...
I know you will be there
When everyone defies me
I know you will lift me up...
But when will my sky turn blue?
I had been undergoing a lot of emotional turmoil reently...=/ First is the upcoming thesis concept paper due next week. I was hoping it would be a piece of cake, but no, one of my group mates had to screw everything up and ruin my day!
I hate her! How would you feel to have someone in your group who keeps complaining and does nothing? Who, despite of how clear the instructions given to her were, still can't understand and do something she's supposed to do properly? I have come to the brink of erupting when this group mate...nicknamed PANDA, (due to her obscenely darkened eyes from the improper use of eyeliner...who also happened to have escaped safely from the Sze Chuan Earthquake in China just recently...) sent her review of related literature to me. I have never seen anything so painful to the eyes and so unnerving, in my life. Okay, I can understand if she doesnt know how in-text citation are supposed to be used, but I absolutely will not tolerate ignorance in critical analysis writing! All of us received equal level of education regarding research paper writing, no one was deprived of anything, unless she is either extremely stupid or incorrigibly stubborn, she should have known what was there to include in a review of related literature for the thesis. I am rarely a person to complain about such things as I am generally quite tolerant and considerate, but this is our thesis paper I'm talking about, she should hold some responsibilities, if not all, as a member of the group. How naive of me to think that our(the two other members including me) confrontation on her would be effective in trying to encourage her to work more and motivate her to contribute more efforts into her outputs. I, rather we, should have known that someone like her is utterly hopeless to improve. Telling her that it would have been better for us to drop her out of the group, while the three of us work on the thesis did not make her change, perhaps crying for a short while, but with her insurmountable crocodile tears streaming down those cold emotionless unfathomable eyes, I somehow doubt that there would be any use in confronting her. We'd given her several chances to correct and straighten herself up, but she takes them for granted and now that she's about to be removed from the group, pleading for forgiveness is no longer an option to sway our decisions...Secondly, I have been severely bothered by this weird feeling that keeps growing inside me. Sometimes it feels like darkness, and sometimes it feels like heaven. I am surrounded with an unexplainable aura that is somehow able to alter my mood from time to time, or even from minutes to minutes. Even my only outlet of writing poems has lost its power to calm down my senses...something is very wrong with me. I fear the thought of not being able to be in control of my life, of the things I deem important to me. This feeling of emptiness is slowly enveloping me, trying to lock me up in eternal darkness, deprived of all the wonderful colors my life once had and replacing them with the color people fear most - black, endless black. I need someone to bring hope and happiness back into my life...perhaps love is one way to penetrate darkness? perhaps optimism is also another way to push away sorrow and pessimism? I really don't know...It's as if I am waiting for something, and it seems to be an endless one, which the answers I would never get. Perhaps I am waiting for the red light ahead to turn green, before I could go on with my dreams and ambitions. Despite the presence of my wonderful family and friends, I cannot seem to overcome the feeling that something is missing in my life...something dear, something worthy of me betting all that I have on...could you please tell me what that could be?
Seeing nothing by darkness
I feel the spinning dizziness
As I slowly close my eyes
And embark on my neverending journey
While the rain washes and the snow falls...
(23%)
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